Woody Allen movie quotes

“It's important to feel guilty. Otherwise, you're capable of terrible things.”
Woody Allen - Danny Rose

“- Danny Rose: How are you, darling? How old are you?
- Lou's Daughter: Twelve.
- Danny Rose: Twelve! Are you married?”
Woody Allen - Danny Rose
Maggie Ranone - Lou's Daughter

“Eleven hundred bucks for Sushi already. That's a lot of dead fish.”
Woody Allen - Nick

“In Beverly Hills they don't throw their garbage away, they make it into television shows.”
Woody Allen

“- Ray: I gotta get some air. I'm going up on the roof.
- Frenchy: Don't jump! You're too valuable as a dishwasher.”
Woody Allen - Ray
Tracey Ullman - Frenchy

“Will you calm down? You're not going to let a little near-death experience ruin your mood, are you?”
Woody Allen - Z

“So when you have the sword down your throat, what happens if you get hiccups?”

Woody Allen - Kleinman

“I can't express anger. That's one of the problems I have. I grow a tumor instead.”
Woody Allen - Isaac

“- Adrian: I can't! It's disgusting!
- Andrew: How can it be disgusting? I don't even have my clothes off.”

Mary Steenburgen - Adrian
Woody Allen - Andrew

“A week ago I bought a rifle, I went to the store - I bought a rifle! I was gonna... if they told me I had a tumor, I was gonna kill myself. The only thing that might have stopped me is that my parents would be devastated. I would have to shoot them also, first. And then I have an aunt and uncle, it would've been a blood bath.”
Woody Allen - Mickey

“- Sandy's Sister: Mom's blind in one eye, deaf in one ear.
- Sandy Bates: Oh. I hope the same side of the head, right? Because that's important. So she's even. She should be even at that age.”
Anne De Salvo - Sandy's Sister
Woody Allen - Sandy Bates

“- Question Askers-Screening: A lot of people have accused you of being narcissistic.
- Sandy Bates: No, I know. People think that I'm egotistical and narcissistic, but it's not true. I... As a matter of fact, if I did identify with a Greek mythological character, it would not be Narcissus.
- Question Askers-Screening: Who would it be?
- Sandy...” (continue)(continue reading)
Robin Ruinsky - Question Askers-Screening
Woody Allen - Sandy Bates

“There's nothing wrong with you that can't be cured with a little Prozac and a polo mallet.”
Woody Allen - Larry Lipton

“- Adrian: It was a perfect moon lite summer night. He put his hands on my breasts and my blood just started to boil and afterwards I've never been able to rid myself of the guilt.
- Andrew: You enjoyed it?
- Adrian: Definitely! It was hot!”
Mary Steenburgen - Adrian
Woody Allen - Andrew

“A deranged person is supposed to have the strength of ten men. I have the strength of one small boy... with polio.”
Woody Allen - Kleinman

“There's great wisdom in jokes.There's more insight in jokes than most books on philosophy.”
Woody Allen - David Dobel

“- The Devil: You ever fuck a blind girl?
- Harry Block: No. That I never did.
- The Devil: Oh, they're so grateful.”
Billy Crystal - The Devil
Woody Allen - Harry Block

“You know what my philosophy of life is? That it's important to have some laughs, but you gotta suffer a little too, because otherwise you miss the whole point of life.”
Woody Allen - Danny Rose

“If you take very good care of your styptic pencil and dry it after every shave, it will last longer than most relationships that you're in.”

Woody Allen - David Dobel

“Only a drunken, infantile idiot shoots himself over love, not an internist.”
Woody Allen - Andrew

“If you have to steal, steal from the best.”
Woody Allen - David Dobel

“I may be a scummy vermin but I'm an honest scummy vermin.”
Woody Allen - CW Briggs

“- Carol Lipton: Larry, I think it's time we reevaluated our lives.
- Larry Lipton: I've reevaluated our lives; I got a 10, you got a 6.”
Diane Keaton - Carol Lipton
Woody Allen - Larry Lipton

“- Rain: Isn't it beneath you as a mature thinker, I mean, to allow your lead character to waste so much of this emotional energy obsessing over this psychotic relationship with a woman that you fantasize as powerfully sexual and inspired when, in fact, she was pitifully sick?
- Gabe: Look, let's stop this right now because I don't need a lecture...” (continue)(continue reading)
Juliette Lewis - Rain
Woody Allen - Gabe Roth

“I'm not a poet. I don't die for love. I work on Wall Street.”
Woody Allen - Andrew