Doctors quotes

“- Molly Jennings: I'm sure you knew exactly what you were doing when you took Margaret off those pills.
- Ross Jennings: Like I knew what I was doing when I chose this town... with the country doctor from hell!”
Harley Jane Kozak - Molly Jennings
Jeff Daniels - Ross Jennings

“- Evan: I heard she got breast reduction surgery.
- Seth: What? That's like slapping God across the face for giving you a beautiful gift.”
Michael Cera - Evan
Jonah Hill - Seth

“I was a field surgeon during the war. We'd work long hours. We'd eat while we operated. One time, there's this young soldier I was trying to save, he took a cannonball in the stomach. After 18 hours of surgery, I did it. Never felt better in my life. Until, just like that, the patient dies. Turns out I left half a bologna sandwich in his lung.”
Richard Lewis - Phil Taylor

“- T.K. Law: You were shot. You need to be examined.
- Gabriel Law: You can do it.
- T.K. Law: Um, newsflash. I'm a vet. You're not a dog.”
Carla Gugino - T.K. Law
Jet Li - Gabriel Yulaw

“- Mavis LaBreche: I saw the way you were looking at my daughter's chest.
- Charlie Gordon: I used to be a cardiologist.”
Elaine Stritch - Mavis LaBreche
Walter Matthau - Charlie Gordon

“- Dale Doback: You and your mom are hilbillies. This is a house of learned doctors.
- Brennan Huff: You're not a doctor... you're a big, fat, curly-headed fuck!”
John C. Reilly - Dale Doback
Will Ferrell - Brennan Huff

“- Terry Macy, State Pagent: Somebody call a doctor!
- Colleen Douglas, State Pagent: A doctor? Somebody call a priest!”

Mo Gaffney - Terry Macy, State Pagent
Nora Dunn - Colleen Douglas, State Pagent

“- Walker: Why do you wanna be a doctor anyhow?
- Chris Hammond: So I can help people.
- Walker: How? By keeping them alive today so you can prolong their misery until tomorrow?”
John Turturro - Walker
Rob McElhenney - Chris Hammond

“- Loomis: You must think me a very sinister doctor... oh, I have a permit.
- Brackett: Seems to me you're just plain scared.
- Loomis: Yeah, yeah I am...”

Donald Pleasence - Loomis
Charles Cyphers - Brackett

“If the patient were part of an HMO then I could understand your dilemma. With those babies we get paid not to perform medical procedures. It's a little like when the government pays the farmers not to grow crops. But with insurance we get paid to perform medical procedures.”
Albert Brooks - Dr. Butz

“- Flo: She's burning up a fever, Charlie. She could have pneumonia!
- Charlie B. Barkin: Think she needs a vet?
- Flo: Charlie, she's a little girl. She needs a doctor.
- Charlie B. Barkin: Doctor? I don't know any doctors... I'll find one!”
Loni Anderson - Flo
Burt Reynolds - Charlie B. Barkin

“He's operating on people? He's an actor! Not even a good one!”

John Candy - Jack Gable

“- Dr. Bill Harford: You know what they say, once a doctor always a doctor.
- Nick Nightingale: Yes, or in my case, never a doctor, never a doctor.”
Tom Cruise - Dr. William Harford
Todd Field - Nick Nightingale

“- Man Attendant: I'd assume Dr. Loomis would be here. Michael Myers is still his patient.
- Dr. Hoffman: If Loomis read memos he'd be here. Fortunately, his position is more ceremonial than medical. And with Myers gone, my hope is that he'll either transfer, retire, or die.”
David Jensen - Man Attendant
Michael Pataki - Dr. Hoffman

“I know my rights, I demand to see my urologist.”
Scott Wilson - Capt. Billy Cutshaw

“- Ethel Carter: Watch your language. And you watch your heart, too. You know what Dr. Springer said.
- Big Bob Carter: Well, Dr. Springer can take his stethoscope and shove it... into his little black bag. Sideways.”
Virginia Vincent - Ethel Carter
Russ Grieve - Big Bob Carter

“- Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: The only time we doctors should accept death is when it's caused by our own incompetence.
- Dr. Necessiter: Nonsense. If the murder of twelve innocent people can help save one human life, it will have been worth it.”
Steve Martin - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr
David Warner - Dr. Alfred Necessiter

“- Chief Insp. Charles Dreyfus: Doctor, please, you must help me. Is Clouseau real, or am I going mad again?
- Dr. Paul Laprone: What do you think?
- Chief Insp. Charles Dreyfus: What do I think? What can I think? If that nincompoop is really alive and the things I heard are true, he'll probably be decorated again for rounding up the biggest drug...” (continue)(continue reading)
Herbert Lom - Chief Insp. Charles Dreyfus
Ferdy Mayne - Dr. Paul Laprone

“I knew each child I helped bring into the world was a gift, not from me, but from God.”

Christine Lahti - Gisella Perl

“I'm a motivator, not a physical therapist.”
Bill Murray - Jack Corcoran

“The icepick method. Insert a thin metal pipette into the orbital frontal cortex. Enter the soft tissue of the frontal lobe. A few simple, smooth, up-and-down jerks sever the lateral hypothalamus... all resulting in a rapid reduction of stress for our little patient here. Total time elapsed? Two minutes. Only side-effect? Black eye. Recommended...” (continue)(continue reading)

Stephen Gevedon - Mike

“- Kim Obrist: I was scanned. The woman in the waiting room...
- Cameron Vale: She scanned you?
- Kim Obrist: No, not her. Her child. Her unborn child scanned me.
- Cameron Vale: That's what the Ripe program is. The doctors on the computer list are giving ephemerol to their pregnant patients.
- Kim Obrist: I don't understand.
- Cameron Vale:...” (continue)(continue reading)

Jennifer O'Neill - Kim Obrist
Stephen Lack - Cameron Vale

“- Brian Flagg: We're your prisoners?
- Dr. Meddows: Not at all, you're my patients.”
Kevin Dillon - Brian Flagg
Joe Seneca - Dr. Meddows

“- Abe: I'm glad you came, doctor. Maybe you can tell me what's wrong with my hand - it's been like this for a month.
- Lisa: Have you tried soaking it in melted butter?”
Alan King - Abe
JoBeth Williams - Lisa

“Doctors make the worst patients. They know too much.”
Betty McGuire - Nurse