Marriage quotes

“- Preacher: Do you take this woman to be your wedded wife?
- Betelgeuse: Oh geez, I don't know. I mean, it's kind of a big decision isn't it? I mean, I always said if I ever did it, I was gonna do it once and that was it.”
Tony Cox - Preacher
Michael Keaton - Betelgeuse

- Grant Anderson: She hadn't planned it necessarily. We were in Tobermory, waiting for the ferry to Manitoulin, and it was miserable and rainy, and she was in a good mood. And, she didn't want any part of my sour mood.
- Kristy: What'd she do, what'd she say?
- Grant Anderson: Well, she said: "Do you think it'd be fun... Do you think it'd be fun... (continue)(continue reading)

Gordon Pinsent - Grant Anderson
Kristen Thomson - Kristy

“- Billy: She's married to some big black stud and he's gonna cut your pecker off.
- Tommy: Yeah, I hear he's packing tweezers.”

Mark Herrier - Billy
Wyatt Knight - Tommy

“Behind every good man there is a woman, and that woman was Martha Washington, man, and everyday George came home, she had a big fat bowl waiting for him, man, when he came in the door, man, she was a hip, hip, hip lady, man.”
Rory Cochrane - Slater

“- Max Burdett: The first diamond I've ever bought. I love you, Lola Cirillo. Marry me.
- Lola Cirillo: On one condition.
- Max Burdett: Anything.
- Lola Cirillo: I want the receipt.”
Pierce Brosnan - Max Burdett
Salma Hayek - Lola Cirillo

“- Ted: I can't believe Missy divorced your Dad, and married mine.
- Bill: Shut up, Ted.”
Keanu Reeves - Ted
Alex Winter - Bill

“- Father Clemente: Congratulations on your daughter marrying Bruce Underwood.
- Sofia Provolone: I'm afraid there's been a change, Father. She's now marrying a nice Italian boy. Anthony Rossano.
- Father Clemente: It's all for the better. Nothing like a big Italian wedding!”
Don Ameche - Father Clemente
Ornella Muti - Sofia Provolone

“I love my wife, but it's like living with a plague of locusts.”
John Turturro - Herbie Stempel

- Jane Smith: My parents died when I was five. I'm an orphan.
- John Smith: Who was that kind fellow who gave you away at our wedding?
- Jane Smith: Paid actor.
- John Smith: I said, I said I saw your dad on "Fantasy Island"!
Angelina Jolie - Jane Smith
Brad Pitt - John Smith

“- Kyle: Rich daddy equals expectations. Expectations are like a fungal rot on a marriage.
- Tom: Our marriage is not going to have a 'fungal rot'.
- Kyle: Unless she finds out you slaughtered her dog!
[laughs, then stops, seeing Tom's expression]
- Kyle: Oh, don't worry, I'll take that to my grave.”
David Moscow - Kyle
Ashton Kutcher - Tom

“- Steven Grlscz: Last time I saw her we had an arguement.
- Sergeant Roche: That must have been quite a row since you didn't make an attempt to see her since then. What was it about?
- Steven Grlscz: She wanted to get married.
- Sergeant Roche: To someone else?
- Steven Grlscz: To me.”

Jude Law - Steven Grlscz
Jack Davenport - Sergeant Roche

“- Marta: I think there is something fascist about a boy who immediately talks of marrying a woman he likes.
- Fred: I don't think Ted is a fascist of the marrying kind.”
Mira Sorvino - Marta Ferrer
Chris Eigeman - Fred Boynton

“- Colonel Frank Fitts: Your wife is with another man and you don't care?
- Lester Burnham: Nope. Our marriage is just for show. A commercial for how normal we are when we're anything but.”
Chris Cooper - Colonel Fitts
Kevin Spacey - Lester Burnham

“Matrimony has always fascinated me. Husbands barely able to look at their wives, wives on their backs in hotel rooms with perfect strangers; able to bear children to bear children only to neglect them; until death do us part indeed.”
Tobin Bell - Jigsaw

“- Jeff Dunham: Do you believe in reincarnation?
- Walter: Hell, I don't know.
- Jeff Dunham: Well, if it happens, who would you come back as and what would you do?
- Walter: I would come back as my wife and leave me the hell alone!”
Jeff Dunham - Himself
Jeff Dunham - Walter

“- Nick Kegan: Why won't you marry me?
- Yvette Malone: You hardly know me.
- Nick Kegan: We see each other, I talk to you all the time.”
Jeff Bridges - Nick Kegan
Belinda Bauer - Yvette Malone

“Me and my wife had a great sex life, we use to have sex once a week. but then she died... then it was 3 or 4 times a week.”
Danny Murphy - Mr. Murphy

“Did you ever fall in love with a married man?”
Mary McDonnell - May-Alice Culhane

“- Harry Feversham: I've left the army. There was talk they might send us abroad. For a year or two. I didn't want to wait that long to get married.
- Ethne Eustace: I would have waited. Or come with you. My mother did the same for my father.
- Harry Feversham: Yes, I know, but it tisn't what I wanted for us. You're all that matters to me now.”
Heath Ledger - Harry Feversham
Kate Hudson - Ethne Eustace

“We don't have to like each other. We just have to get married.”

Andie MacDowell - Brontë

“This thing that we call a wedding ceremony is really the final scene of the fairy tale. They never tell you what happens after. They never tell you that Cinderella drove the Prince crazy with her obsessive need to clean the castle, cause she missed her day job, right?”
Barbra Streisand - Rose Morgan

“- Grandma Bossier: I shall make quite sure my granddaughter will never marry a man unworthy of her. Don't worry.
- Sybylla Melvyn: I don't. I'm not marrying anyone. I'm going to have a career!
- Grandma Bossier: A career? What in?
- Sybylla Melvyn: Oh, literature, music, art. Maybe, the opera. I've not made up my mind yet.”
Aileen Britton - Grandma Bossier
Judy Davis - Sybylla Melvyn

“- Ed Bloom - Young: Your last name is different. You married.
- Jenny - Young: I was 18, he was 28. Turns out it was a big difference.”
Ewan McGregor - Ed Bloom - Young
Helena Bonham Carter - Jenny - Young

“Relationships can be a lot like a loaf of bread. At the beginning they're hot and fresh and you can always get a rise. But with time, if you don't knead them carefully, they grow old and stale. Now I know that life ain't no Easy Bake Oven. With the kids and my husband's job, it's almost as if we've forgotten to add the yeast.”
Natasha Richardson - Darlene Dodd

“Seriously, why do people bother getting married, if they're just gonna divorce?”

Christopher Gray - Toby