Marriage quotes

“There's no honeymooning until after we're married!”
Harley Wood - urma Roberts - aka "Blondie"

- Ella Khan: The children have a right to know.
- George Khan: What do you mean, "right"?

Linda Bassett - Ella Khan
Om Puri - George Khan

“Watching my parents renew their wedding vows is like watching ambulance drivers push the victims back into the wreck.”
Aden Young - Rick Dunne

“- Val: For God sakes, this is a woman I was married to for 10 years. We made love. I'd hold her head over the toilet bowl when she threw up.
- Lori: From making love with you?”
Woody Allen - Val
Debra Messing - Lori

“- Andrews: He's no good and you know it. You married him only because I told you not to.
- Ellie: You've been telling me what not to do ever since I can remember.”

Walter Connolly - Andrews
Claudette Colbert - Ellie

“What a wedding needs is a theme! Needs a groom too, but let's work with what we have!”
Robin Williams - The Genie

“- Josh: Hey, just because my mother marries someone else, doesn't mean he's my father.
- Cher: Actually, Kato, that's exactly what it means.”
Paul Rudd - Josh
Alicia Silverstone - Cher

“I am getting married the day after tomorrow and you are going to come to my wedding and you are going to sit there and enjoy it and support me or else you can just turn right around right now and go back to Omaha.”
Hope Davis - Jeannie Schmidt

“- Ariel: How's your marriage?
- Andrew: My marriage is fine.
- Ariel: Ya?...
- Andrew: It's not working but it's fine.”
Mia Farrow - Ariel
Woody Allen - Andrew

“- Elizabeth Farmer: I'm convinced that our marriage has been one of mutual betrayals. I know it! YOU know it! Even Yellow Dog knows it!
- Andy Farmer: I know it and you know it. Yellow Dog doesn't even know what town he's in.”
Madolyn Smith Osborne - Elizabeth Farmer
Chevy Chase - Andy Farmer

We both said "Hey, we've got a caring relationship, we're each willing to give the other the space to grow and nourish our basic aloneness. Why not make a total commitment, in a legalistic sense?". So tomorrow's the big day.
Sam Chew Jr. - Bill

“I guess we just divorce our spouses, marry each other, and have this baby, right? Simple.”

Frances McDormand - Dean Sara Gaskell

“- Rudy: Sure, we'll have our problems, just like most young couples.
- Arlo Pear: You're gonna have a problem walking straight if you don't take your hands off my daughter.”

Morris Day - Rudy
Richard Pryor - Arlo Pear

“- Chazz Reinhold: So how's my protégé?
- John Beckwith: Jeremy, believe it or not, is getting married!
- Chazz Reinhold: What? What an idiot! What a loser! Good! Good! More for you and me.”
Will Ferrell - Chazz Reinhold
Owen Wilson - John Beckwith

“- Carl: Maybe you shouldn't get married anymore.
- John Henderson: I want kids.
- Carl: Well, adopt.
- John Henderson: I want to pass down my seed.
- Carl: Masturbate in the garden.”
John C. McGinley - Carl
Albert Brooks - John Henderson

“- Marty Berger: I've been hearing all kinds of things about you lately, Binford.
- Eric Binford: You mean like my wedding?
- Marty Berger: Now that is one I haven't heard. I can't picture the creature who'd want to marry you. Tell me, who is this unlucky girl?
- Eric Binford: She's a famous actress.
- Marty Berger: And who may this famous...” (continue)(continue reading)
Norman Burton - Marty Berger
Dennis Christopher - Eric Binford

“- Bobby C.: I have a friend. He's a very good friend, and he got a girl pregnant. And I wanted to know: if you had to make a choice between getting an abortion and having to get married, what would you do?
- Stephanie: Well, who would I have to marry?
- Bobby C.: You'd have to marry me.
- Stephanie: I think I'd get an abortion.”
Barry Miller - Bobby C.
Karen Lynn Gorney - Stephanie

“- Lou Peckinpaugh: You mean you married your own father?
- Mrs. Montenegro: It's not like you think. It was a simple wedding, done very tastefully.”
Peter Falk - Lou Peckinpaugh
Madeline Kahn - Mrs. Montenegro

“- Robert Dudley, Earl of Leicester: Marry me.
- Elizabeth I: On a night such as this, could any woman say no?
- Robert Dudley, Earl of Leicester: On a night such as this, could a queen say no?
- Elizabeth I: Does not a queen sit under the same stars as any other woman?”
Joseph Fiennes - Robert Dudley, Earl of Leicester
Cate Blanchett - Elizabeth I

“Marry a cute girl, move to the suburbs, spend your weekends mowing. You'll never want to do coke again.”
Sandra Bullock - Gwen Cummings

“- Edgar McGraw: Nine dead bodies. And we're talking the whole she-bang: bride, groom, reverend, reverend's wife... hell, they even shot that old colored fella that plays the organ.
- Earl McGraw: It would appear someone objected to this union and wasn't able to hold their peace.”

James Parks - Edgar McGraw
Michael Parks - Earl McGraw

“- Charles: Why am I always at, uh, weddings, and never actually getting married, Matt?
- Matthew: It's probably 'cause you're a bit scruffy. Or it could also be 'cause you haven't met the right girl.
- Charles: Ah, but you see, is that it? Maybe I have met the right girls. Maybe I meet the right girls all the time. Maybe it's me.”
Hugh Grant - Charles - Wedding One
John Hannah - Matthew - Wedding One

“- Mary Ansell Barrie: I was hopelessly naive when I married you. I imagined that brilliant people disappeared to some secret place where good ideas floated around like leaves in autumn, and I hoped at least once you would take me there with you.
- Sir James Matthew Barrie: There is no such place.
- Mary Ansell Barrie: Yes there is: Neverland.”
Radha Mitchell - Mary Ansell Barrie
Johnny Depp - Sir James Matthew Barrie

“- Mrs. Doubtfire: Marriage can be such a blessing.
- Miranda Hillard: So can divorce.”
Robin Williams - Mrs. Doubtfire
Sally Field - Miranda Hillard

- Susie Waggoner: ...And you save your money... and buy a nice little house, with a white picket fence, and live happily ever after.
- Frederick J. Frenger Jr.: Tell you what. Let's go straight to the "happily ever after" part, ok?
Jennifer Jason Leigh - Susie Waggoner
Alec Baldwin - Frederick J. Frenger Jr.