Sex quotes

“See what happens when a boy and a girl don't know how to play it safe!”

Peter Frechette - DiMucci

“I can't make it to my best friend's old lady.”
Tom Cruise - Brian Flanagan

“- Sam Clayton: So, was it love or just... with Freddie?
- Jjaks Clayton: Fuck off.
- Sam Clayton: A good blowjob feels like love every time, right?”
Vincent D'Onofrio - Sam Clayton
Keanu Reeves - Jjaks Clayton

“I decided within the next month, I'll not sit on my roof and think about jumping, but I'll actually kill myself. And I wasn't going out of this world without knowing what it was actually like to get laid.”
Kurt Cobain - Himself

“- Kelsey Jordan: Go ahead and explain it to us.
- Ralph: Well, I... Uh, I know it's about making babies. And I know it takes a man and a woman to make it work right. And that they both have to go into a room. And they both take their shirts off.
- Milton Fishman: No! No, no, no. The man doesn't have to take his shirt off. Just the woman!”

Janna Michaels - Kelsey Jordan
Corey Carrier - Ralph
Ari Greenberg - Milton Fishman

“- Felicity Shagwell: Austin Powers, I presume.
- Austin: Powers by name, powers by reputation.
- Felicity Shagwell: Felicity Shagwell, CIA. Shagwell by name, shag-very-well by reputation.
- Austin: Oh, be-have.
- Felicity Shagwell: Not if I can help it.”
Heather Graham - Felicity Shagwell
Mike Myers - Austin Powers

“- Health Clinic Counselor: Now, there are ways of having sex without intercourse. Let's see, there are things like body rubbing or dry humping.
- Andy: You could dry hump.
- Health Clinic Counselor: There's masturbation.
- Andy: Masturbation. Play with yourself.
- Health Clinic Counselor: Mutual masturbation.
- Andy: Play with a friend.”
Nancy Carell - Health Clinic Counselor
Steve Carrell - Andy

“- Baby Houseman: It... it's just wrong this way. It should be with someone... it should be with someone that you sort of love.
- Lisa Houseman: Oh, come on. You don't care about me. You wouldn't care if I humped the entire army... as long as they were on the right side of the Ho Chi Minh Trail.”
Jennifer Grey - Baby Houseman
Jane Brucker - Lisa Houseman

“I like my coffee hot and strong, like I like my women, hot and strong... with a spoon in them.”
Eddie Izzard - Himself

“That's the one thing you don't do. You don't tell her you took Viagra. I'm pretty sure that's on the warning label.”
Robert Smigel - Barry

“- Stifler's Mom: You've got to know I'm over you, Finchy.
- Paul Finch: Well, as they say, we'll always have Paris.
- Stifler's Mom: And the pool table.
- Paul Finch: And the car.
- Stifler's Mom: And the two-room suite I have upstairs...
- Paul Finch: Oh, man. Let's go!”
Jennifer Coolidge - Stifler's Mom
Eddie Kaye Thomas - Paul Finch

“It's gonna get easier and easier... and more and more convenient and more and more pleasurable... to sit alone with images on a screen... given to us by people who do not love us but want our money. And that's fine in low doses, but if it's the basic main staple of your diet, you're gonna die.”

Jason Segel - David Foster Wallace

“Sex before the wedding is so much better without the groom.”
Catherine Zeta-Jones - Kitty

“- Sarah Marshall: Did you drink today? Because sometimes when you drink...
- Peter Bretter: Excuse me. No, I haven't had anything to drink today. Maybe the problem is that you broke my heart into a million pieces and so my cock doesn't want to be around you anymore! Okay? Ever! Because you know what I just realized? You're the goddamn devil!”

Kristen Bell - Sarah Marshall
Jason Segel - Peter Bretter

“You show up to fuck my best friend, and you pry into the lives of others to conceal how worthless and boring your own life is. I don't deserve this.”

Elisabeth Moss - Catherine

“- Frenchy Cabazon: I'm badder than the baddest sailor!
- O.D. Loutzenheiser, Preston Nutter: Sailor!
- Frenchy Cabazon: I make love to women to 10 feet tall.”
Robert Muratore - Frenchy Cabazon
Edward Henwood - O.D. Loutzenheiser

“Oh, boy. Well, some of my patients prefer walking, some prefer bicycling. But for best results, to guarantee satisfaction, most of them like fucking. You know, poonta-poonta-poonta. I like it myself, you know. One in the morning, and late at night.”

Richard Pryor - Wally

“I think it's well-known that anti-Americanism has its roots in sexual impotence, at least in Europe.”
Chris Eigeman - Fred Boynton

“- Mimi: Anyone wanna help me pick some strawberries?
- Kurt: Nope, but I'll give you a hand with those melons!”

Lauren Gros - Mimi
Adam Devine - Kurt

“Why do I gag on my tootbrush but not when I'm performing oral sex on my boyfriend? Well, obviously, the toothbrush is bigger.”

Jeff Dunham - Walter

“Never, in my wildest imagination, I ever thought it could be like that. That was the most exciting sexual encounter - without actually having it - that I ever, almost had.”

Steve Martin - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr

“I was the only actor who never tried to have sex with Linda Darnell, and the only one to have resisted her advances.”

Anthony Quinn

“- Miguel Manzano: When do I get to sleep with you again?
- Mariana Garcia Guerrero: We never sleep. We fuck.”
Giancarlo Giannini - Miguel Manzano
Rachel Ticotin - Mariana Garcia Guerrero

“I think sex is like supermarkets, you know, overrated. Just a lot of pushing and shoving and you still come out with very little at the end.”
Pauline Collins - Shirley Valentine

“It still strikes me as strange that anyone could have any moral objection to someone else's sexuality. It's like telling someone else how to clean their house.”
River Phoenix