Sex quotes

“Forgiveness, is more than saying sorry. To forgive is divine. So let's have a glass of wine. And have make-up sex until the end of time.”

“- Ford Fairlane: How much?
- Ticket Guy: 300.
- Ford Fairlane: 300? You charged the chicks one.
- Ticket Guy: Hey, they blew me.
- Ford Fairlane: Heh. 300 coming up.”

Andrew Dice Clay - Ford Fairlane

“You already know how famously they get along as friends, but did you know that their sex life is positively white hot? The main reason both of my marriages failed was sexual. I'm an extremely sexual person, I can't help it, it's just how I'm wired, you know, even when I was a little girl. I had my first orgasm when I was 6 in ballet class.”
Kathy Bates - Roberta Hertzel

- Sharon Pogue: I just don't have to tell my life story to a total stranger. "What do you do?" and "Where are you from?" it's endless.
- Robby: I think the problem was you didn't wanna clean his little bitty pipes too soon.
- Sharon Pogue: No, the problem is that all I wanted to do was clean his pipes. It was the conversation that was pissin' me... (continue)(continue reading)

Jennifer Lopez - Sharon Pogue
Jeremy Sisto - Robby

“- Bart: Well, Jim, since you are my guest and I am your host, what's your pleasure? What do you like to do?
- Jim: Oh, I don't know. Play chess... screw...
- Bart: [quickly] Well, let's play chess.”
Cleavon Little - Bart
Gene Wilder - Jim

“- Ford Frick: As I stand here this afternoon, it is impossible not to think of the Babe; not to feel his presence here even now. He was more than a ball player. He was everything that is special about this game. He was everything that is special about America.
- Mickey Mantle: I bet I got more pussy than he did.”

Donald Moffat - Ford Frick
Thomas Jane - Mickey Mantle

“- Emma: Is that a gun in your pocket?
- Simon Garden: Uh... no, it's my penis.”
Lena Headey - Emma
Steve Coogan - Simon Garden

- Cliff "Scorpion" Albrect: No, I don't know her. She's a whore, the last time I saw her she was doing a sex show.
- Kathryn Murphy: You watched?
- Cliff "Scorpion" Albrect: You bet your ass I watched she put on a great show!
- Kathryn Murphy: I thought she was raped?
- Cliff "Scorpion" Albrect: Raped? She fucked a bar full of guys then she... (continue)(continue reading)
Leo Rossi - Cliff "Scorpion" Albrect
Kelly McGillis - Kathryn Murphy

“- Ray Duquette: Why don't we begin with a question? What is a sex crime?
- Jimmy Leach: Not gettin' any!”
Kevin Bacon - Ray Duquette
Cory Pendergast - Jimmy Leach

- Shazzer: Oh, God! You didn't use those? The vegan condoms?
- Bridget Jones: "Biodegradable and dolphin-friendly". If I'm going to be slutty, it's nice to think I'm helping the environment.
Sally Phillips - Shazzer
Renee Zellweger - Bridget Jones

“- Jude: Why don't we do it on the Bluff?
- Slick: On the Bluff?
- Jude: Come on, it'll be fantastic!
- Slick: I don't know... I think I need another joint.
- Jude: I think so, too.”
Joy Thompson - Jude
Sheldon Rybowski - Slick

“I just wanted to spend the night with you, not eternity!”

Meg Ryan - Sydney Fuller

“Imagine how many people out there are fuckin' right now man, just goin' at it.”
Rory Cochrane - Slater

“- Jonah Baldwin: Will she scratch up your back?
- Sam Baldwin: [shocked] What?
- Jonah Baldwin: In the movies, women are always scratching up the men's back and screaming and stuff when they're having sex.”
Ross Malinger - Jonah Baldwin
Tom Hanks - Sam Baldwin

“She can do the same thing I did. It should be easier for her, she is a girl. Any guy would be with you. Just sleep with someone else and tell him to do the same thing. Maybe it will never come back.”

Jake Weary - Hugh

“- Maurey Pierce: I want to explain the rules before we do this.
- Sam Callahan: Do what?
- Maurey Pierce: Make sex. Why else would I be here?
- Sam Callahan: We're gonna perform sex now?
- Maurey Pierce: After coffee.”
Mischa Barton - Maurey Pierce
Bug Hall - Sam Callahan

“This is just like when I watched myself in a sex tape. There was just a lot of floundering and laughable moments.”
Miranda Hart - Nancy B. Artingstall

“There's no adultery when you're eighteen. You should all be touching each other all the time.”
Greta Gerwig - Brooke

“- Ted the Bellhop: This New Year's Eve is not starting off well! This one is going pretty fucking badly!
- Margaret: How come?
- Ted the Bellhop: Well, Betty leaves me to run this entire hotel by myself. And first thing, right off the bat, I get fucked by a coven of witches!”
Tim Roth - Ted the Bellhop
Marisa Tomei - Margaret

“Note to self: making love to blow-up doll is not as good as advertised.”
Norm MacDonald - Mitch Weaver

“You didn't want a blowjob so the least I could do is get you a tie.”

Mira Sorvino - Linda Ash

“How could you do this? A total stranger I could understand. You and another woman, maybe. Me, you and another woman, definitely! But my own brother?”

Jay Mohr - Anthony 'Tony' Cortino

“- Syd: If you're falling in love with me, why are you with all these other women?
- Dex: Am I supposed to remain celibate while I bask in like the warm glow of your annihilating contempt?”
Greer Goodman - Syd
Donal Logue - Dex

“- Daphne Wilder: Milly, honey, why are you so quiet?
- Mae: 'Cause she's doing the oompa-loompa with two guys, mom.”
Diane Keaton - Daphne Wilder
Lauren Graham - Maggie

“Making sex is like a Chinese dinner: It ain't over 'til you both get your cookies.”
Alec Baldwin - Old Man Dunphy