Sex quotes

“We may be best friends, but every once in a while we fuck each other.”

Patrice Donnelly - Tory Skinner

“- Justine Last: Gwen says smoking marijuana lowers your sperm.
- Phil Last: Lowers it to where?
- Justine Last: Maybe you're the infertile one around here. Maybe every time you smoke a little doobie, you're killing our unborn children.”
Jennifer Aniston - Justine Last
John C. Reilly - Phil Last

“- Garth Algar: Good morning, Darling! I trust you slept well? I hope I wasn't too much of an animal?
- Honey Horne: Come. Hold me.
- Garth Algar: You know I will.”
Dana Carvey - Garth Algar
Kim Basinger - Honey Horne

“- Harry Tasker: You tell on me, I tell on you.
- Albert Gibson: What are you talking about, I'm as clean as a preacher's sheets. I'm as clean as...
- Harry Tasker: What about that time you blew a six-week operation because you were too busy getting a blow job?”
Arnold Schwarzenegger - Harry Tasker
Tom Arnold - Albert Gibson

A year ago you'd already be re-enacting the kitchen scene from "9 1/2 Weeks". 'Course, my own sex life's more like 8 1/2 Weeks - Fellini meets Psycho. Scary.

Eric McCormack - Mark

“- Winker: Wanna come back to my place?
- Maureen: What for?
- Winker: A fuck and a pizza.
- Maureen: Is it a wholemeal pizza?”
Paul Netterfield - Winker
Angela Clarke - Maureen

“The Earth woman's reproductive organs are located here. The access port is here. Insertion in any other access port will not result in pregnancy. To get the woman in a receptive mood for insertion, compliment her on these areas. [hair, eyes, breasts, buttocks, legs] She will also enjoy being told that she smells nice, and that her footwear is...” (continue)(continue reading)

“- Linda Howard: Even if I wanted to, my boss isn't here, there's no one I can quit to.
- David Howard: Well, it's time to get out. We have to touch Indians. We have to see the mountains and the prairies and the whole rest of that song. Let's make love right now. I want to have sex with you right here.”
Julie Hagerty - Linda Howard
Albert Brooks - David Howard

“Glorifying violence is terrible. Simulating sex is nothing - it's something so impersonal really.”
Bo Derek

“- Jordan Belfort: [dubious] So if I, if I sell a stock at $10,000, my commission is 5,000 bucks.
- Dwayne: If you sell $10,000 worth of this stock, I will personally give you a blowjob for free [Jordan laughs] ... and I hope it happens.”
Leonardo DiCaprio - Jordan Belfort
Spike Jonze - Dwayne

“I’d like to oblige you but it’s rather late and dark.”

John Le Mesurier

What do you expect most from a relationship? A: Companionship. B: Sex. C: Respect. I'd have to go with B: Sex. But let's mark "C" so we get a higher score.
Bonnie Hunt - Megan Dayton

“- Lucy Whitmore: What are you doing?
- Henry Roth: Nothing, I was just getting some lint off for you...
- Lucy Whitmore: You were going for a feelski!
- Henry Roth: Alright, I'm sorry... But this is like the 23rd time we've made out already and... they're getting blue!”
Henry Roth - Lucy Whitmore
Adam Sandler - Henry Roth

“- James Reece: Why don't we skip dinner altogether and go straight to dessert?
- Caroline: Is that all you can think about?
- James Reece: Every second of the day.”
Jonathan Rhys-Meyers - James Reece
Kasia Smutniak - Caroline

“- Mox: I'm a good boy. I've always been good. What's my upside to being good?
[looks at box of condoms]
- Mox: I mean I'm 18 years old, it's not like I'm married to her. She invited me over. I'm just being polite, right Kyle?
[pause]
- Mox: Kyle?
- Kyle Moxon: I only answer to one name. I am the Great and Honorable Al-Ali Akbar Shabaz Da.
- Mox:...” (continue)(continue reading)
James Van Der Beek - Mox
Joe Pichler - Kyle Moxon

“- Javier Suarez: We didn't win the contest.
- Katey Miller: No, but the consolation prize was pretty good.”

Diego Luna - Javier Suarez
Romola Garai - Katey Miller

“Actors must practice restraint, else think what might happen in a love scene. ”
Cedrick Webster Hardwicke

“- Marcel: I'm sorry, I thought you were alone.
- Lou Peckinpaugh: I tried it that way. It's not as much fun alone.”

James Coco - Marcel
Peter Falk - Lou Peckinpaugh

- Harry Dunne: Lloyd? I think that was her "gran-gina."
- Mrs. Snergle: That's right. So you can cross that one off your bucket list.
Jeff Daniels - Harry Dunne
Jo Helton - Mrs. Snergle

“- Indiana Jones: It's disgraceful, you're old enough to be her... her grandfather.
- Professor Henry Jones: Well, I'm as human as the next man.”

Harrison Ford - Indiana Jones
Sir Sean Connery - Professor Henry Jones

“There are certain rules that one must abide by in order to successfully survive a horror movie. For instance, number one: you can never have sex.”
Jamie Kennedy - Randy

“A young girl with a body like that. When she's through with him they'll be nothing left but a smile and an old hat.”
Nancy Travis - Robin

“- Tom: Are you going to tell me what really happened with Peter?
- Sarah: Are you going to tell me what really happened with red bra?
- Tom: Nothing happened.
- Sarah: I hope you used a condom.
- Tom: I hope Peter used a condom.
- Sarah: I'm sorry, they don't make condoms that big.”
Ashton Kutcher - Tom
Brittany Murphy - Sarah

“I am over 35-years-old. I am physically unable to bear children. And I pay alimony to my ex-husband, who is a faggot. Yet I am willing to bet that all of you would fuck me over that desk right now if you knew you'd be having lunch with Harrison Ford as soon as you blew your wad.”
Joan Cusack - Fanny Nash

“- Nat Serling: Did you want to become a medic?
- Monfriez: Wanted to hump a nurse once, does that count?”
Denzel Washington - Nat Serling
Lou Diamond Phillips - Monfriez