Sex quotes

“Hello, American? The rooms here are made of cement. Very good in case of an air raid. But for those of us trying to get a bit of rest after an arduous crossing, a bit of an acoustic nightmare. So would you please stop grunting like wildebeests and allow me to get some sleep, man?”

Johnny Depp - Mortdecai

“- Frederick: Blow that thing all you want lady.
- Susan Cooper: Yeah? Well why don't you blow me Colin!”
Mitch Silpa - Frederick!
Melissa McCarthy - Susan Cooper

“Can we please go home, dry each other off with friction?”
Jason Sudeikis - Jake

“- Michelle: Mike and I had such a connection. The first time that we had sex, it was so beautiful I cried.
- Jeannie: You cried?
- Michelle: Yeah.
- Andie: You mean one glistening tear on your cheek, right?
- Michelle: No, I was really emotional. I even told him that I loved him.
- Andie: After how many days?
- Michelle: Five... two.”
Kathryn Hahn - Michelle Rueben
Annie Parisse - Jeannie
Kate Hudson - Andie

“- Griffin Bowen: Dad?
- Eric Bowen: Yes?
- Amy Bowen: [scared by the kid entering] Aaah!
- Eric Bowen: Hey... What's up buddy?
- Griffin Bowen: There's something upstairs. I think there's something in my room.
- Eric Bowen: I'll be up there in a second.
- Eric Bowen: So much for my luck. Don't move.
- Amy Bowen: Ok.
- Eric Bowen: I'll be right...” (continue)(continue reading)

Kyle Catlett - Griffin Bowen
Sam Rockwell - Eric Bowen
Rosemarie DeWitt - Amy Bowen

“- Ned, Jarrett Gang: Hey girlie, how about old Ned unties you and we can have some fun, eh?
- Lilly: Well, then you better kill me first, because the only way I'd lay with you would be if I was dead.”
Neil Summers - Ned, Jarrett Gang
Drew Barrymore - Lilly Laronette

“I don't know. Sometimes it seems like such a strange sort of thing to want to do. You know, ridiculous. Like someone putting their finger up your nose or something.”

Minnie Driver - Benny

I just want you to know, my safe word is "pineapple".
Ezra Miller - Donald

“Dude, it's not big deal if you like to fuck guys. I'm cool, I got friends who fuck guys… in jail.”
Romany Malco - Jay

You mean we've been doing "it" every night, for nothing?
Amy Yasbeck - Flo Healy

“- Jim's Dad: We can't be boning from sunrise to sunset, dear.
- Michelle Flaherty: Oh, you've never tried it?
- Jim's Dad: I certainly have. I have. I've boned... from sunrise, uh, right through brunch on more than one occasion.”
Eugene Levy - Jim's Dad
Alyson Hannigan - Michelle Flaherty

“- Zach: What have you got against my typewriter?
- Alex: You used to write on it. Books and plays and movies. Once, once you wrote me a poem on our 2nd anniversary and gave it to me. And you were happy. You exorcised your demons with credible thoughts and good words on that typewriter, and your talent turned me on. I really thought we had a...” (continue)(continue reading)
John Ritter - Zach
Alyson Reed - Alex

“When you start sleeping with someone you risk losing them.”
Jason Sudeikis - Jake

“- Maffio Venier: May sing... and rhyme... and more. Still... is at best a slut... with every horny mutt! You pride yourself on arts and letters, and fucking best your manly betters!
- Veronica Franco: I save the goodly wives of Venice from their husbands' lustful menace!”
Oliver Platt - Maffio Venier
Catherine McCormack - Veronica Franco

“HMOs will pay for your Viagra, but they won't pay for your glasses. So you can have a hard-on, but you can't see where to put it.”
Robin Williams - Tom Dobbs

“- Aaron: How many?
- Amy: I don't know. How many girls have you slept with?
- Aaron: I've slept with three women.
- Amy: Me too. I have slept with three women too.”

Bill Hader - Aaron
Amy Schumer - Amy

“- Matt Arnold: How about I shoot you in the hand?
- Jenny Herk: My first hand job.”
Ben Foster - Matt Arnold
Zooey Deschanel - Jenny Herk

“What you need, darling, is a long, slow screw.”
Geoffrey Rush - The Marquis de Sade

“- Charles Highway: I can never get these damn things on.
- Rachel Noyce: Well, it helps if you don't undo it first.”

Dexter Fletcher - Charles Highway
Ione Skye - Rachel Noyce

- Miller: This is the day that you become a man. This is the day that you get to tell every bouncer who's ever carded you,"You know what? Sure, I get it. Yes, I look like a nine-year-old Chinese girl".
- Jeff Chang: What the fuck?
- Miller: "But guess what? Today is my 21st fucking birthday. So, step aside and let the man come through".
Miles Teller - Miller
Justin Chon - Jeff Chang

“You have to come, sonny. This is where we're going. Paradise! Two thousand miles from here. Fresh water. Plenty of sunshine. Nothing to do but breed!”

Syd Heylen - Curmudgeon

- Anita: Guess who I did it with last night?
- Josie Geller: Roger from Op/Ed?
- Anita: Aww... Who told you?
- Josie Geller: You did. You said, and I quote "Tonight I have a date with Roger from Op/Ed, and I'm gonna do it with him".
.

Molly Shannon - Anita
Drew Barrymore - Josie Geller

“- Simmo: You had her. Behind the bus station.
- Andy: No, I didn't.
- Simmo: You told us you did.
- Andy: No, it were top half only.”

Peter Gunn - Simmo
Ewan McGregor - Andy

“- Frieda: Do not forget, this guy is buying a virgin, so she's got to act it right. You've got to give him the idea that you don't know nothing. It should be like a rape.
- Josephine: You don't know. Could be a different kind of guy. Someone that wants you to act like she wants it.
- Frieda: The main thing is to whimper and cry when he starts,...” (continue)(continue reading)
Diana Scarwid - Frieda
Barbara Steele - Josephine
Brooke Shields - Violet

“Who needs him? I've got a vibrator!”
Cameron Diaz - Mary