Sex quotes

“- Blossom: Meat won the game for me, daddy.
- Porky Wallace: Who?
- Blossom: Meat. Meat Tuperello. He's my boyfriend.
- Porky Wallace: Your what?
- Blossom: We went all the way.”
Wendy Feign - Blossom
Chuck Mitchell - Porky Wallace

“- Andrews: There are cum stains all over the sheets.
- Nick: Very impressive.
- Gus: He got off before he got offed.”
Bruce A. Young - Andrews
Michael Douglas - Detective Nick Curran
George Dzundza - Gus

“- Nicky: I like sleeping with you.
- Gloria: You're not the first guy to tell me that.”
Jean-Luke Figueroa - Nicky
Sharon Stone - Gloria

“- Matt Jensen: I'm in a dry spell, man.
- Dustin Knight: To be in a dry spell you've had to have been in a wet spell.
- Matt Jensen: I've had sex.
- Dustin Knight: Yeah, with a human, though.
- Matt Jensen: Who's making up all these rules, man?”
Vince Vieluf - Matt Jensen
Adam Brody - Dustin Knight

“It makes me think, you're only interested in me sexually.”

Emma Thompson - Dora Carrington

“Do you think I sleep with every guy who writes me a letter? No. I give them hand jobs.”
Lacey Chabert - Amanda Becker

“- Honey Horne: Take me, Garth!
- Garth Algar: Where? I'm low on gas and you need a jacket.”
Kim Basinger - Honey Horne
Dana Carvey - Garth Algar

“- Ed: Sheila and I like to swap.
- Lola Cirillo: Swap?
- Ed: We like to have sex with other couples.
- Max Burdett: Check please!”

Tom McGowan - Ed
Salma Hayek - Lola Cirillo
Pierce Brosnan - Max Burdett

“- Jane Goodale: Well, don't shit on my broken heart just because you converted to some warped brand of romantic atheism!
- Eddie Alden: It's called self-preservation.
- Jane Goodale: Oh, in other words, your narcotize yourself with casual sex.”
Ashley Judd - Jane Goodale
Hugh Jackman - Eddie Alden

“Men can't be friends with women Howard. They must posses them or leave them be. It's a primitive urge from caveman days. It's all in Darwin. Hunt the flesh. Kill the flesh. Eat the flesh. That's the, ah, male sex all over.”
Cate Blanchett - Katharine Hepburn

“How about you come back to my place and I'll show you my man-size cannelloni?”
Burgess Meredith - Grandpa Gustafson

“I only had sex with her because I'm in love with you.”
James Van Der Beek - Sean Bateman

“- Butch: What's she looking at? She acts like she's never seen a man before.
- Queen Lara: She hasn't. Have you, Alpha-Beta?
- Alpha Beta: No, My Queen. What are men good for?
- Butch: I'm pretty good in the backseat of a Studebaker...”
Joey Travolta - Butch
Sybil Danning - Queen Lara
Lana Clarkson - Alpha Beta

“Are you desirable? Are you irresistible? Maybe if you drank bourbon with me, it would help. Maybe if you kissed me and I could taste the sting in your mouth it would help. If you drank bourbon with me naked. If you smelled of bourbon as you fucked me, it would help. It would increase my esteem for you.”

Nicolas Cage - Ben Sanderson

“Don't you want me to lick your balls for you?”
Jennifer Jason Leigh - Lois Kaiser

“- Kathy: You guys are brothers?
- Mitch Weaver: Well, it's a long story.
- Sam McKenna: My dad boned his mom.
- Mitch Weaver: Okay, it's a short story.”
Traylor Howard - Kathy
Norm MacDonald - Mitch Weaver
Artie Lange - Sam McKenna

“I find libraries very erotic. I find libraries very erotic.”
Josh Charles - Eddy

“- Eugene Morris Jerome: Don't hate me for what I'm going to say.
- Stanley: What is it?
- Eugene Morris Jerome: I think Aunt Blanche has a great ass.
- Stanley: They're gonna lock you up in a sex asylum. If I was your sister I wouldn't sleep on the same block as you!”
Jonathan Silverman - Eugene Morris Jerome
Brian Drillinger - Stanley

“- Steve: If you've never been on a date before, how did you ever get laid?
- Cosmo Reif: You know, different ways...
- Steve: Hookers.
- Cosmo Reif: Yeah.
- Steve: And you've never had a girlfriend...
- Cosmo Reif: No, never. I have been seeing the same hooker for a while.”
Peter Riegert - Steve
Jason Priestley - Cosmo Reif

“- Hector Cyr: She tell you that we had sex together? So vigorous!
- Kelly Scott: I never had sex with you!
- Hector Cyr: I'm horrible in bed. They never remember.”
Oliver Platt - Hector Cyr
Bridget Fonda - Kelly Scott

“And so the rule is, when mounting a... play. Keep it sunny, keep it funny, keep it gay.”
Roger Bart - Carmen Ghia

“I don't see how pork chops could lead to intercourse, no matter how good they are.”
Ian Michael Smith - Simon Birch

“Wow! The only thing quicker than that is when I'm having sex!”

Rodney Dangerfield - Chester Lee

“- Linda: I can just imagine sex with you! Pathetic fumbling to find the bra strap, the slobbery kisses, belching into some poor girl's mouth because you had too much chili sauce on your kabab. And then, the main event which is either over in seconds or not at all because you're too fucking pissed!
- Kevin: So I take that as a definite no?
-...” (continue)(continue reading)
Charlotte Brittain - Linda
Tim Harris - Kevin

“If there's one thing I can't stand about sleeping with women, it's all the fucking mind-reading.”
Gina Gershon - Corky