Sex quotes

“- Jessica: I should have made love to you when I had the chance.
- Billy: Father Mulcahy?”

Rob Schneider - Jessica
Matthew Lawrence - Billy

“So many of you orphans. Unwanted children all over the place. People were sex-mad in the 60s, seemed to do it just for fun... Weird.”
John Marwood Cleese - Raoul P. Shadgrind

“- Charlie Dick: I don't have to come crawling after some mean mouthed woman who got a cob crossways. Hell, if I just want to bump uglies with somebody, I got plenty of places to go for that.
- Patsy Cline: Bump uglies?
- Charlie Dick: That's right.
- Patsy Cline: My lord Charlie, what a charming expression.”
Ed Harris - Charlie Dick
Jessica Lange - Patsy Cline

“I'm sorry but I have had it! I have never heard of such a Christmas! Sex... and drugs... an-an-and women being set on fire!”
Christine Baranski - Connie

“When my first husband left me I was so angry I wanted to cut his brake cables... but instead we ended up having sex on the elliptical machine.”
Kristin Chenoweth - Maria Kelly

“Hey you, you listen to me. You don't wanna fuck with me, okay? I hope you had sex last night, 'cause I'm gonna come over there and I'm gonna cut off your dick, then I'm gonna feed it to my pit, then I'm gonna burn the shit when it comes out my goddam dog's ass, you hear me? Don't fuck with me, bitch!”

Ice-T - Mack Daddy

“- Elmer Fishpaw: How's my baby doing in school?
- Lu-Lu Fishpaw: I learned all about my cervix in sex education yesterday!”
David Samson - Elmer Fishpaw
Mary Garlington - Lu-Lu Fishpaw

“- John, 'MILF' Guy #2: [while looking at a picture of Stifler's mom] Dude that chick's a MILF!
- Justin, 'MILF' Guy #1: What to hell is that?
- John, 'MILF' Guy #2: M-I-L-F: Mom I'd Like to Fuck!
- Justin, 'MILF' Guy #1: Yeah dude! Yeah!”
John Cho - John, 'MILF' Guy #2
Justin Isfeld - Justin, 'MILF' Guy #1

“- Theresa Burnett: Hey hey. Don't you go telling my boys none of your sleazy sex stories.
- Mike Lowrey: Aw, no. I only tell your husband my sleazy sex stories.
- Marcus Burnett: Hey.
- Theresa Burnett: Well, I don't want him hearing either. Gives him ideas.”
Theresa Randle - Theresa Burnett
Will Smith - Mike Lowrey
Martin Lawrence - Marcus Burnett

“I think you'd rather fuck me than kill me. But you don't have the guts to do either.”

Hilary Swank - Madeleine Linscott

“- Michael Jordon: Where do you wanna go, honey?
- Janet Dunn: Uh...
- Michael Jordon: To your place or to mine?
- Janet Dunn: I don't care. Let's just go.
- Michael Jordon: Just go straight up Park Avenue, all right? We'll tell you exactly where once we finish negotiating.”
Gene Wilder - Michael Jordon
Kathleen Quinlan - Janet Dunn

“If you believe you're playing well because you're getting laid, or because you're not getting laid, or because you wear women's underwear, then you are!”
Kevin Costner - Crash Davis

“- Young Michael: What do you want?
- Nokes: A blowjob. Down on your knees.”
Brad Renfro - Young Michael
Kevin Bacon - Nokes

“- Steve Burns: They told me that there was some... special assignment... and that I was right for it.
- Capt. Edelson: Let me ask you something... Have you ever had your cock sucked by a man?
- Steve Burns: A man? No. Well, I...
- Capt. Edelson: Ever been porked? Or had a man smoke your pole?
- Steve Burns: You've got to be kidding. Yeah, you're...” (continue)(continue reading)
Al Pacino - Steve Burns
Paul Sorvino - Capt. Edelson

“- Dr. Lilian Thurman: Do you still think about girls a lot? How are things going at school?
- Donnie Darko: I think about girls a lot.
- Dr. Lilian Thurman: I asked you about school, Donnie.
- Donnie Darko: I think about fucking a lot during school.”
Katharine Ross - Dr. Lilian Thurman
Jake Gyllenhaal - Donnie Darko

“- Chuck: Hey, Casey, do you like sex with death?
- Casey: Yeah, so fuck off and die.”
John Philbin - Chuck
Jewel Shepard - Casey

“- Butt-head: This is gonna be cool. We're gonna get paid to score.
- Beavis: Then we're gonna get a big-screen TV, with two remotes.
- Butt-head: Beavis, this is the greatest day of our lives.”
Mike Judge - Butt-Head
Mike Judge - Beavis

“- David: I'm hungry.
- Robin: How romantic.”

Jon Renfield - David
Elizabeth Kaitan - Robin

“You know what people say? There are no women who can't come, only men who can't fuck.”
Monica Bellucci - Alex

“When you've been in prison as long as I have, you remember every story about pussy you ever heard.”
Eddie Murphy - Reggie Hammond

“When we first started hanging out together, this morning, we were just friends; but things change, and I've fallen in love with you. I just know that if you gave me a chance, I could make you feel so good. So I am coming, not as your buddy, and not as a co-counselor, but for the first time as a man - a man who loves a woman, and who wants to...” (continue)(continue reading)
Michael Showalter - Coop

“- Judy Benjamin: Now I know what I've been faking all these years.
- Henri Tremont: That was your first?
- Judy Benjamin: And second.”

Goldie Hawn - Judy Benjamin
Armand Assante - Henrí Trémont

“- Matt: Isn't part of the priestly thing giving relationship advice?
- John: Relationship advice, yes - sex advice, no. Part of the priestly thing is not to have sex, remember?
- Matt: It's funny. I didn't say a thing about sex. I guess thinking about sex is part of the priestly thing, at least for some.”
Josh Hartnett - Matt
Adam Trese - John

“- Allen Bauer: Why wouldn't you let me in?
- Madison: I was... shy.
- Allen Bauer: You were shy? After the cab, the elevator, and on top of the refrigerator, you were shy?
- Madison: I was shy.”

Tom Hanks - Allen Bauer
Daryl Hannah - Madison

I can go down the road any time I want and walk into Harry's and hold my head up high and say in a loud, steady voice: “Harry, I want you to sell me a condom. In fact, today, I think I'll have a french tickler, for I am a Protestant”.
Graham Arthur Chapman - Harry Blackitt