Sex quotes

While I was in the pizza parlor, this creepy old man came up to me and said "Sweetie, you don't have to kiss to make babies". So, I waited until it was about time to leave with the pizza, so I walked right up to him and said out loud "I know, but you still gotta fuck!".
Baybi Day - Pamela

“- Maerose Prizzi: So let's do it.
- Charley Partanna: With all the lights on?
- Maerose Prizzi: Yeah. Right here. On the Oriental. With all the lights on.”
Anjelica Huston - Maerose Prizzi
Jack Nicholson - Charley Partanna

“- David Jason: What's the most intense sex thing you ever did? You ever, uh, been with two women at the same time?
- John Hull: Yeah, your mother and your father.”
Jeff Goldblum - David Jason
Laurence Fishburne - John Hull

“I think that sex is overrated. I think that people place far too much importance on it, and I think that stuff about women wantin' it just as bad as men is crap. I mean I think that women want it, I just don't think that they want it for the same reason that men think they do.”
Andie MacDowell - Ann Bishop Mullany

“Congratulations, baby. Tonight you could've gotten laid, but instead you got fucked.”
Sandra McCoy - Mercedes

“- Charlie Mackenzie: I just don't think it's a good idea to rush into spending the night together.
- Harriet Michaels: I wanna spend the night together.
- Charlie Mackenzie: I have no problem with that!”
Mike Myers - Charlie Mackenzie
Nancy Travis - Harriet Michaels

“- Kevin Myers: You're a hero.
- Steve Stifler: Pussy is pussy.”

Thomas Ian Nicholas - Kevin Myers
Seann William Scott - Steve Stifler

“I do feel for his widow, Bernice. That was a romantic marriage. She learned everything about sex from a manual. Immanuel was their gardener.”

Rip Taylor - Rip Taylor

“- Tom: So basically, you're asking me if I would rather be married to Sarah or have 51 one night stands.
- Kyle: Minimum.
- Tom: I don't even have to think about it.
- Kyle: Ok, is there a girl you wished you'd hooked up with, but didn't?
- Tom: You are like the worst best man ever!”
Ashton Kutcher - Tom
David Moscow - Kyle

All I got was a couple dates, some hot sex and an "it's not you it's me".
Judy Greer - Joanie

“- Jennifer: Are you okay?
- Betty Parker: Um, yes. It's, uh, just that your father would never do anything like that.
- Jennifer: Well, you know, Mom, there are other ways to enjoy yourself... without Dad.”

Reese Witherspoon - Jennifer
Joan Allen - Betty Parker

- Ernie Wyatt: Like my daddy always said, "If you can't get out of it, get into it".
- Bobby Logan: I thought your daddy used to say, "If you can't fix it, fuck it".
- Ernie Wyatt: He said that, too.
Treat Williams - Ernie Wyatt
Kris Kristofferson - Bobby Logan

“My wife and I have not performed the sex act in many years.”
Billy Bob Thornton - Ed Crane

“- Alex: If you're so hot on the idea, why don't you have sex with him?
- Stuart: Taste of semen makes me gag.
- Alex: How would you know? Whose semen were you eating?
- Stuart: My own.”
Lara Flynn Boyle - Alex
Stephen Baldwin - Stuart

“You don't move like no virgin.”
Dennis Quaid - Jerry Lee Lewis

“If a woman sleeps alone, it puts a shame on all men.”
Anthony Quinn - Alexis Zorba

“- Sex Shop Salesman: Le Orgy Gel comes in lemon, mint, cherry or trail mix.
- Paul Bland: Trail mix?
- Sex Shop Salesman: I was making a joke.”
John Paragon - Sex Shop Salesman
Paul Bartel - Paul Bland

- Spud: It's a nightmare. She told me she didn't want our relationship to start on a physical basis as that is how it would be principally defined from then on in.
- Tommy: Where did she come up with that?
- Spud: She read it in "Cosmopolitan".
- Tommy: Six weeks and no sex?
- Spud: I've got balls like watermelons, I'm telling you.
Ewen Bremner - Spud
Kevin McKidd - Tommy

“Don't rush yourself! Sometimes anticipation can heighten the... pleasure.”

Jim Carrey - Bruce Nolan

“- Doug Remer: Your bed is over here.
[indicates a dog bed]
- Squeak Scolari: Dude, that is so fuckin' weak! How am I supposed to get a chick in that?
- Joe Cooper: Oh, don't worry, dude. You couldn't get a chick if you had a hundred dollar bill hanging out of your zipper.”
Matt Stone - Doug Remer
Dian Bachar - Squeak Scolari
Trey Parker - Joe Cooper

“- Q: Good to see you, Mr. Bond. Things've been awfully dull 'round here. Bureaucrats running the whole place. Everything done by the book. Can't make a decision unless the computer gives you the go ahead. Now you're on this. I hope we're going to have some gratuitous sex and violence!
- James Bond: I certainly hope so too.”
Alec McCowen - Q
Sir Sean Connery - James Bond

“It's like after a funeral, everybody has sex.”
Jacqueline Obradors - Angelica

“Sex is like pissing. People take it much too seriously.”
Alfred Molina - Diego Rivera

“- Louis Gara: I just felt strange, you know, I thought, if she was your girlfriend...
- Ordell Robbie: But you fucked her anyway? Well, I hope you felt appropriately guilty about it afterwards.
- Louis Gara: Afterwards, I did.”

Robert De Niro - Louis Gara
Samuel L. Jackson - Ordell Robbie

“- Mercy: Well maybe I’m lookin’ for some real action.
- Vermin: Well what about me, I got the big one!
- Ajax: I’ll give it to you baby.
- Swan: Let her go!
- Mercy: You gonna jump me?
- Swan: Maybe we ought to put a train on you. You look like you might even like it.
- Mercy: Fuck you!
- Swan: Real tough chick.”
Deborah Van Valkenburgh - Mercy
Terry Michos - Vermin
James Remar - Ajax
Michael Beck - Swan