Smoking quotes

“- Bartender: What's the problem?
- Georgia Hines: Do you see cigarettes? That's the problem.
- Bartender: How much money did you put in?
- Georgia Hines: Twelve dollar like it says.”

Nick Lapadula - Bartender
Marsha Mason - Georgia Hines

“Thank you for not smoking.”
Peter Weller - Robocop

“- Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: You don't have to tell me I am smoking the wrong end. Do you know why I am smoking the wrong end?
- Countess Chandra: No darling, but I'm sure you've got a very good reason.
- Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: You're right! I am smoking on the wrong end because I have a very good reason.”
Sir Roger Moore - Clouseau
Joanna Lumley - Countess Chandra

“- Bruce: There's no rule against smoking here.
- Henry Desalvo: This isn't about rules, it's about manners.”
Michael McShane - Bruce
Dennis Farina - Henry Desalvo

“- Airline Ticket Clerk: [selling a flight ticket] Would that be smoker or non-smoker, sir?
- Marvin Dorfler: [exhaling smoke] Take a wild guess.”
Martin Brest - Airline Ticket Clerk
John Ashton - Marvin Dorfler

“- Mrs. Monahan: You pollute the air with your smoking. You reek of liquor and God knows what else. You're an ecological menace!
- Monty Capuletti: Yeah, well you were the inspiration for twin beds!”
Geraldine Fitzgerald - Mrs. Monahan
Rodney Dangerfield - Monty Capuletti

“- Abbott: Put that out. There's no smoking in here.
- Costello: What makes you think I'm smoking?
- Abbott: You've got a cigar in your mouth!
- Costello: I've got shoes on... it doesn't mean I'm walking.”
Bud Abbott - Abbott
Lou Costello - Costello

“- Danny: The joint I'm about to roll requires a craftsman. It can utilise up to 12 skins. It is called a Camberwell Carrot.
- ... & I: It's impossible to use 12 papers on one joint.
- Danny: It's impossible to make a Camberwell Carrot with anything less.
- Withnail: Who says it's a Camberwell Carrot?
- Danny: I do. I invented it in Camberwell,...” (continue)(continue reading)
Ralph Brown - Danny
Paul McGann - ... & I
Richard R. Grant - Withnail

“I wish you wouldn't smoke. We should never have sent you to America, you picked up such appalling habits there.”

Oliver Cotton - King Haroak

“- Silas Crow: You see that? I offer the crow my last smoke, and he bites me.
- Frank Fencepost: Probably trying to quit.”
Ryan Rajendra Black - Silas Crow
Adam Beach - Frank Fencepost

“- Jesse Montgomery III: Nelson, your dog's a stoner!
- Chester Greenburg: Can he also bong a beer?
- Nelson: Nah, all he does is pretty much lie around and smoke his pipe.”
Ashton Kutcher - Jesse Montgomery III
Seann William Scott - Chester Greenburg
David Herman - Nelson

“As the year draws to a close... I would like to share with you just a few things about myself, things of which I'm especially proud. First, I am proud to say that I don't smoke, I don't drink and I don't swear. Oh shit, I do smoke and drink. To our dear friends, may the best of your past be the worst of your future.”

Tom Amandes - Hal

“- Superman: Uh, you really shouldn't smoke, you know, Miss Lane.
- Lois Lane: Don't tell me. Lung cancer, right?
- Superman: Well, not yet, thank goodness.”
Christopher Reeve - Superman
Margot Kidder - Lois Lane

“- Suzanne Vale: Can I ask you something personal?
- Evelyn Ames: You mean asking me who I have sex with isn't personal anymore? What do you want to know, if I smoke?”
Meryl Streep - Suzanne Vale
Annette Bening - Evelyn Ames

“The kid shouldn't have been smoking in bed!”

Ruth Gordon - Bernice

“- Kabul: Do you have lighter?
- Dick Steele, Agent WD-40: I only use matches.
- Kabul: Does your mother know you smoke?
- Dick Steele 'Agent WD-40': Yes. But I don't inhale.”
John Ales - Kabul
Leslie William Nielsen - Dick Steele 'Agent WD-40'

“- Rose Burnhart: There was marijuana there! I saw it!
- Walter J. Coolidge: I think you smoked it, Miss Bernhardt.”
Sue Ane Langdon - Rose Burnhart
Robert Mandan - Walter J. Coolidge

“The only way that patch is going to help me is if I roll it and smoke it.”

Susan Barnes - Constance

Millions of kids see this cartoon, it's like sending each one of them a pack of cigarettes and saying "light up".

Robin Williams - Daniel Hillard

“- 1st Scientist: Of all the people we surveyed the results were just about uniform.
- F. Ross Johnson: Uh huh.
- Edward A. Horrigan Jr.: They all said they tasted like shit.
- F. Ross Johnson: Like shit?
- 2nd Scientist: Shit was the consensus, yes sir.”

Dean Norris - 1st Scientist
James Garner - F. Ross Johnson
Matt Clark - Edward A. Horrigan Jr.
Eric Poppick - 2nd Scientist

“- Tom: This is supposed to be good for cigarette mouth. Do you smoke?
- Alice: When I drink or go out at night, I smoke. I live dangerously - on the edge. I'm no kindergarten teacher.”
Robert Sean Leonard - Tom
Chloë Sevigny - Alice

“- Norman Robberson: Do you know what smoking does to you? It stunts your growth, it yellows your teeth and blackens your lungs. Is that what you want? To be a yellow toothed midget with lung cancer?
- Kevin Robberson: I'm keeping my options open.”
Chevy Chase - Norman Robberson
Jason James Richter - Kevin Robberson

“- Michael Dunn: If Gram sees you smoking she'll have a heart attack.
- Boo: If she's hears you talking about not being a priest she'll have a stroke.”
Andrew McCarthy - Michael Dunn
Jennifer Dundas - Boo

“- Hughie: Would you like a hit?
- Karen Knowles: I haven't done that in years.
- Hughie: Now would be a very good time to start.”

Billy Connolly - Hughie
Juliet Aubrey - Karen Knowles

- "Handsome"(in "Suspicion") : You don't smoke, do you?
- Rigby Reardon: No, I have tuberculosis.
- "Handsome"(in "Suspicion") : Oh, thank heaven for that.

Cary Grant - "Handsome"(in "Suspicion")
Steve Martin - Rigby Reardon