Ugliness quotes

“You can't polish a turd.”
Robert Prosky - Will Darnell

“- Ted: I think I still want to look her up.
- Healy: Who, Rollerpig? Are you nuts?
- Ted: You said she was a real sparkplug.
- Healy: No, I said buttplug. She's heinous.”
Ben Stiller - Ted
Matt Dillon - Healy

“- Captain Hook: If I were you, I'd give up!
- Peter Pan: If you were me, I'd be ugly.”
Jason Isaacs - Captain Hook
Jeremy Sumpter - Peter Pan

“- Jen: In the five years I've known you, every woman, I should say girl, you've gone after has been completely out of your league.
- Hal: What's that supposed to mean?
- Artie: Oh, she doesn't mean anything by it. She's just saying you're not that good looking.
- Hal: Oh! I thought she was implying something really mean.”
Laura Kightlinger - Jen
Jack Black - Hal
Kyle Gass - Artie

“Here's a news flash: Today, President Lyndon Johnson passed a highway beautification bill. The bill basically said that his daughters could not drive in a convertible on public highways.”
Robin Williams - Adrian Cronauer

“One of the ugliest bitches I've ever seen in my life rolled up, and I'm not one to call women ugly, but I think this woman was, because she had a penis.”
Dave Chappelle - Disco Cabbie

“- Pierce: There. He's your son.
- Agar: I don't have no son!
- Pierce: Louisa says he's your son.
- Agar: Louisa! She wouldn't know, would she? Is that him? He's not my son! He's too ugly to be my son!”

Sir Sean Connery - Pierce
Donald Sutherland - Agar

“- Johnny-23: Do you know what I am?
- Cameron Poe: Ugly all day?”
Danny Trejo - Johnny-23
Nicolas Cage - Cameron Poe

“- Pepe: The art sure is ugly, man.
- Neil: That's how much you know, man. You know, the uglier the art, the more it's worth.”
Tommy Chong - Pepe
Cheech Marin - Neil

“Maybe it's my brain chemistry. All my problems and anxiety can be reduced to a chemical imbalance or some kind of misfiring synapses. I need to get help for that. But I'll still be ugly though. Nothing's gonna change that.”
Nicolas Cage - Charlie Kaufman

“- Henry Miller: I'm not a portrait painter.
- June Miller: I'll say you're not. Look what you've done to Anaïs. You make everything ugly! Beauty is a joke for you. You're so negative. You're a failure as a writer. You're not a man, you're a child! You use women! You used me, you fucker!”
Fred Ward - Henry Miller
Uma Thurman - June Miller

“- Keenan: That's the ugliest cat I've ever seen.
- Joan: She's an angel.
- Keenan: She only has one eye.
- Joan: Yeah, but it's her good one.”
Ryan Phillippe - Keenan
Angelina Jolie - Joan

“I am the same color as the Department of Motor Vehicles and you look like a flower.”
Susan Sarandon - Lavinia Kingsley

“- David Van Patten: A good personality consists of a chick with a little hard body, who will satisfy all sexual demands without being too slutty about things, and who essentially will keep her dumb fucking mouth shut.
- Craig McDermott: The only girls with good personalities who are smart or maybe funny or halfway intelligent or talented, though...” (continue)(continue reading)
Bill Sage - David Van Patten
Josh Lucas - Craig McDermott

“Look at me! I'm ugly! I would never fuck me!”

Michael Rosenbaum - Adam

“I think it's a conspiracy. Why would they manufacture deliberate ugliness unless they wanted me to look ugly? We find that out, we find out everything.”
Shelley Duvall - Olive Oyl

“- Hal: I'm going for the one in the middle. You can have your pick of the other two.
- Mauricio: So you get the hyena, and I have to choose between the hippo and the giraffe?”

Jack Black - Hal
Jason Alexander - Mauricio

“- Lucas: Dragonfly Nymph. You ever see one?
- Rina: Oh, it's ugly. Glad it's not bigger than me.
- Lucas: It turns into something very beautiful, Rina.
- Rina: Is that possible?
- Lucas: Yeah, can you imagine that? Turning from something ugly into something beautiful.”

Corey Haim - Lucas
Winona Ryder - Rina

“In life, Mrs Terrain was beautiful. In death, not so beautiful. But the Spirit is still the same!”
Roger Ashton-Griffiths - Priest

“- Angela Hayes: At least I'm not ugly!
- Ricky Fitts: Yes, you are. And you're boring, and you're totally ordinary, and you know it.”
Mena Suvari - Angela Hayes
Wes Bentley - Ricky Fitts

“Did you ever wake up sober after a one night stand, and the person you're next to is layin' on your arm, and they're so ugly, you'd rather chew off your arm then risk waking 'em? That's coyote ugly.”

Maria Bello - Lil

“- Patcha: There's two people in there looking for you.
- Kuzco: Who?
- Pacha: A big guy and a skinny old woman.
- Kuzco: Wait, was this woman scary beyond all reason?”
John Goodman - Patcha
David Spade - Kuzco

“All Englishmen are ugly. I just look at Prince Charles and weep.”
Tricia Vessey - Jennifer Langley

“- Leonardo: Take the ugly one!
- Raphael: No, you take the ugly one!
- Donatello: I'll take the ugly one.
- Michaelangelo: Which one's the ugly one?”
Mark Caso - Leonardo
Kenn Scott - Raphael
Leif Tilden - Donatello
Michelan Sisti - Michaelangelo

“- Astrid Magnussen: Looks don't interest me.
- Paul Trout: That's easy for you to say, you've never been ugly.”
Alison Lohman - Astrid Magnussen
Patrick Fugit - Paul Trout