Adam Sandler movie quotes

“- Guy on Green: It's about time!
- Happy Gilmore: Yeah it is about time. I mean I just couldn't get the ball in the hole. I wanted to but I just couldn't do it.”

Ian Boothby - Guy on Green
Adam Sandler - Happy Gilmore

“- Chubbs: Thanks for dressing up.
- Happy Gilmore: If saw myself in clothes like that, I'd have to kick my own ass.”

Carl Weathers - Chubbs
Adam Sandler - Happy Gilmore

“- Grandma: How's that nice girlfriend of yours?
- Happy Gilmore: Oh, she got hit by a car. She's dead.”

Frances Bay - Grandma
Adam Sandler - Happy Gilmore

“Murray-Dennis!
Dracula-Dennisavich.
Mavis-He's not in his room.
Wayne-He's not by the pool.
Frankenstein-He's not in this pot of soup.”

Keegan-Michael Key - Murray
Adam Sandler - Dracula
Selena Gomez - Mavis
Steve Buscemi - Wayne
Kevin James - Frankenstein

“Dracula-I know I lied. I was wrong. But you have to believe this: Johnny wasn't a bad guy. The truth is, I don't know if humans are bad anymore. Frank, come on, buddy. You understand.
Eunice-He's not talking to you. First you tell us humans are bad, now they're good, what else? Up is down, cold is hot, gremlins don't smell.”
Adam Sandler - Dracula
Fran Drescher - Eunice

“Jonathan-Are these monsters gonna kill me?
Dracula-Not as long as they think you're a monster.
Jonathan-That's kinda racist.”
Adam Sandler - Dracula
Andy Samberg - Jonathan

“This is how we're represented, unbelievable.”

Adam Sandler - Dracula

“Everything I do, it's not going right, and I don't know what to do.”
Adam Sandler - Howard Ratner

“Made a crazy risk. You gamble and it's - about to pay off.”
Adam Sandler - Howard Ratner

“- Demany: And what the fuck is it wit' you Jewish niggas and basketball anyway? 'Uh? Shucks.
- Howard Ratner: I'll have you know the first two points scored in the NBA was a Jew.
- Demany: Yeah, yeah, who what, Fred Flintstein?
- Howard Ratner: No. Ossie Schectman, 1946, played for the Knicks.”
LaKeith Stanfield - Demany
Adam Sandler - Howard Ratner

“I know. Jews and colon cancer. What's is that? I thought we were the chosen people.”
Adam Sandler - Howard Ratner

“You don't have to lie, just tell her to ignore when I'm lying.”
Adam Sandler - Nick Spitz

“- Nick Spitz: We travel. I took you to the Poconos that time.
- Audrey Spitz: That was... That was for a funeral, Nick.
- Nick Spitz: How about, uh, when we went to Virginia when my uncle was in a hospice and we got to see him die? We did that.”
Adam Sandler - Nick Spitz
Jennifer Aniston - Audrey Spitz

“- Nick Spitz: What happens in Death at the Library?
- Audrey Spitz: They died.”
Adam Sandler - Nick Spitz
Jennifer Aniston - Audrey Spitz

“There's bars on planes now? This is... Man, I wish my mother was still alive to see this. She was an alcoholic, but a nice one.”
Adam Sandler - Nick Spitz

“- Sam Brenner: Are you OK?
- Violet Van Patten: I'm sitting in my closet and drinking chardonnay from a sippy cup. Do I look ok?
- Sam Brenner: I'm gonna say no.”
Adam Sandler - Brenner
Michelle Monaghan - Violet

“- Trudy Newman: Hey, Micheal. Micheal, who are you talking to?
- Michael Newman: Jesus. I'm talking to my boss, Ma. Take it easy.
- Trudy Newman: Oh, yeah? Well, tell him to get a life. You got family here. You're busy. Come on.
- Michael Newman: My mother says hello.”
Julie Kavner - Trudy Newman
Adam Sandler - Michael Newman

“- Casey Bugge: He poked me in the eye!
- Robert 'Bobby' Boucher Jr.: Captain Insano shows no mercy.”
Al Whiting - Casey Bugge
Adam Sandler - Robert 'Bobby' Boucher Jr.

“- Barry Egan: I wanted to ask you something because you're a doctor... I don't like myself sometimes. Can you help me?
- Walter: Barry, I'm a dentist. What kind of help do you think I could give you?”
Adam Sandler - Barry Egan
Robert Smigel - Walter the Dentist

“- Todd: You're a terrible father. You let me eat cake and lollipops for breakfast every day.
- Donny: That's what you asked for!
- Todd: You are supposed to say no!”
Andy Samberg - Todd
Adam Sandler - Donny

“- Sam Brenner: For the record, I'm an amazing kisser. All us nerds are, cause we appreciate it more.
- Violet: You didn't even brush your teeth this morning!
- Sam Brenner: I ate a Tic Tac!”
Adam Sandler - Brenner
Michelle Monaghan - Violet

“- Tommy aka White Knife: I'm in a bit of a bind, boys. I rode all the way out here to pan for gold and my horse up and died on me.
- Rifleman: How'd he die?
- Tommy aka White Knife: Suicide. Drowned himself. Put his head in the stream and just kept it there. Saddest thing you ever seen.”
Adam Sandler - Tommy
Jonathan Loughran - Rifleman

I googled you, and "Closet Queens" came out. Are you a lesbian?

Adam Sandler - Jim

“- Tommy aka White Knife: Any of you handsome brothers ready to go steal a big hunk of gold?
- Chico: I'm ready.
- Ramon: I'm hungry.
- Danny: I'm drunk.
- Lil' Pete: And I'm Lil Pete.”
Adam Sandler - Tommy
Terry Crews - Chico
Rob Schneider - Ramon
Luke Wilson - Danny

“- Janine: Oh, my God. I want that so bad. A husband that I can kiss and love and give juice too.
- Michael Newman: You've already cheated on three different husbands with their brothers. I think you've given enough juice to everybody. Love juice.”
Jennifer Coolidge - Janine
Adam Sandler - Michael Newman