Adam Sandler movie quotes

“My God, that's a shit load of piss.”

Adam Sandler - Sonny Koufax

“- Michael: Well, tonight's our night for the Community Nightwatch.
- Zohan: The Communism tight crotch? What?”
Nick Swardson - Michael
Adam Sandler - Zohan

“- Sammy: Uh oh.
- Robbie: What?
- Sammy: You like her.
- Robbie Hart: No, I don't!
- Sammy: Of course you do. She's a cool chick with a hot ass.
- Robbie: You talk about her ass again, I'll break your neck.”

Allen Covert - Sammy
Adam Sandler - Robbie Hart

“Haven't you heard? Goofy is the new handsome.”
Adam Sandler - Skeeter Bronson

“- Luau Waitress: Kona coffee ice cream.
- Skeeter Bronson: Yeah? What's the catch? You're gonna light it on fire? 'Cause I'm on to you, honey.
- Luau Waitress: No fire. It would melt. Just take the ice cream and a chill pill.”
Shu Lan Tuan - Luau Waitress
Adam Sandler - Skeeter Bronson

“I'm sorry I was so rude before... but... it's difficult for me... to... express myself... when I am on the verge of... exploding in my pants.”
Adam Sandler - Dave Buznik

“You know, you shouldn't jump around when this nice woman is holding a sharp pair of scissors. If you move she could slip and slice your jugular vein, on accident. There is no way to stitch the jugular. All of your blood will be on the floor in four minutes. I have seen this. I have done this. You don't want this. [the kid bursts into a flood of...” (continue)(continue reading)

Adam Sandler - Zohan

“- Todd: You know, this cake tastes kind of funny.
- John: Oh yeah, I dumped a fat sack of Reefer into the mix. I thought I'd spice up the batch.
- Beefy: Really?
- Nicky: What's Reefer?
- Beefy: About five Hundred bucks an ounce.”
Allen Covert - Todd
Jonathan Loughran - John
Robert Smigel - Beefy
Adam Sandler - Nicky

The Industrial Revolution to me is just like a story I know called "The Puppy Who Lost His Way". The world was changing, and the puppy was getting... bigger.

Adam Sandler - Billy Madison

“- Robert 'Bobby' Boucher Jr.: So that's what opening up a can of whoop-ass feels like.
- Coach Klein: Son, you just opened up a whole case of whoop-ass.”
Adam Sandler - Robert 'Bobby' Boucher Jr.
Henry Winkler - Coach Klein

“- Jill Sadelstein: How could there be a Grand Canyon if God didn't exist?
- Todd: Right. That's a very good point. I'm just saying, you know, maybe...
- Jill Sadelstein: Maybe God wouldn't have given you a rat face if you believed in him.”
Adam Sandler - Jill Sadelstein
Nick Swardson - Todd

“- Lenny Feder: Wasted is when you have a hankering for ice cream.
- Donna Lamonsoff: I want to get wasted every day of my life.
- Becky Feder: I want to get chocolate wasted.”
Adam Sandler - Lenny Feder
Ada-Nicole Sanger - Donna Lamonsoff
Alexys Nycole Sanchez - Becky Feder

“- Valerie Veran: Nicky!
- Nicky: Valerie!
- Valerie Veran: What are you doing?
- Nicky: I think I'm floating.
- Valerie Veran: Why would you be floating?
- Nicky: Maybe it's because of this cake I ate earlier.”
Patricia Arquette - Valerie Veran
Adam Sandler - Nicky

“- Skeeter Bronson: You mind sleeping over? I'm gonna duck out a few hours.
- Mickey: Oh, yeah, yeah. Mmm. By the way, um... I am, uh, legally obliged to tell you that I suffer from... sleep panic disorder.
- Skeeter Bronson: Ok, what's, uh, sleep panic disorder?
- Mickey: Believe me, you don't want to know.”
Adam Sandler - Skeeter Bronson
Russell Brand - Mickey

“- Whitey: Shaving the chest hairs.
- Eleanore: Nobody likes a unibrow.”
Adam Sandler - Whitey
Adam Sandler - Eleanore

“- Todd: You know what I do remember? You making me drive you home from the beach 'cause you got too drunk!
- Donny: It makes sense to me. When somebody's hammered, they have another guy drive home!
- Todd: I was eight!
- Donny: And you drove like a fucking champ too.”
Andy Samberg - Todd
Adam Sandler - Donny

“Hey! You just made the biggest mistake of your life, baby. I know you're gunna be missing me when you have that big, white, wrinkly body on you with his loose skin and old balls... gross! Ugh!”

Adam Sandler - Sonny Koufax

“- Billy Madison: Man, why did I have so many drinks? I can't remember! What's today?
- Frank: October?
- Billy Madison: It's Nudie Magazine Day!!”
Adam Sandler - Billy Madison
Norm MacDonald - Frank

“- Lucy Whitmore: I have a boyfriend. I'm sorry.
- Henry Roth: You're making up a boyfriend so you can get rid of me?
- Lucy Whitmore: No. I'm not.
- Henry Roth: What's his name then?
- Lucy Whitmore: Ringo.
- Henry Roth: Is his last name, Starr?
- Lucy Whitmore: No. McCartney.”
Drew Barrymore - Lucy Whitmore
Adam Sandler - Henry Roth

“- Father of the Bride: Hey, buddy, I'm not paying you to hear your thoughts on life. I'm paying you to sing.
- Robbie Hart: Well, I have a microphone, and you don't, so you will listen to every damn word I have to say!”

Mark Lonow - Father of the Bride
Adam Sandler - Robbie Hart

“Why all people think I'm the woman?”
Adam Sandler - Chuck Levine

“- Dr. Buddy Rydell: Dave assaulted a female flight attendant in mid-air.
Stacy: Nice.
- Gina: I bet you beat her good.
- Dave Buznik: I didn't beat anybody. I touched a woman...
- Chuck: Liar, bullshitter, you're a woman beater! And you can't admit it, because you're a deluded piece of garbage!
- Dave Buznik: I don't know about all that but......” (continue)(continue reading)

Jack Nicholson - Dr. Buddy Rydell
January Jones - Gina
Adam Sandler - Dave Buznik
John Turturro - Chuck

“- Larry Valentine: Chuck, we really pulled this one out our asses.
- Chuck Levine: Bad choice of words there, Larry. Bad choice of words.”
Kevin James - Larrie Valentine
Adam Sandler - Chuck Levine

“- Henry Roth: Ula! Get back to cleaning the pool! And if that's one of your special brownies, don't let any of the dolphins eat that!
- Ula: How do you think I get the dolphins to do double-flips and play with the white kids?”
Adam Sandler - Henry Roth
Rob Schneider - Ula

“- Ted: You never told me you had a twin sister.
- Jack Sadelstein: No, no, I mean, she's...
- Ted: Identical or fraternal?
- Todd: Nocturnal, like a bat.”
Tim Meadows - Ted
Adam Sandler - Jack Sadelstein