Ben Stiller movie quotes

“- Marina: How old are they?
- Cornelia: 25... 26.
- Josh: 26... 27.
- Marina: They're children!
- Fletcher: Yeah, nine years ago they couldn't vote.”
Maria Dizzia - Marina
Naomi Watts - Cornelia
Ben Stiller - Josh
Adam Horovitz - Fletcher

“- Steve Arlo: He can elicit a confession from a criminal without their realizing they're being questioned.
- Gregory Stark: How does he do it?
- Steve Arlo: He has a deeply nuanced and thoroughly functional understanding of human behavior to rival the great psychoanalytical minds of our time. He understands the criminal mind as well as the...” (continue)(continue reading)
Ben Stiller - Steve Arlo
Ryan O'Neal - Gregory Stark

“- Jack Byrnes: Are you still physically attracted to my daughter, Greg?
- Greg Focker: To Pam? Are you kidding? Yes. Jack, there's never been a problem with that.
- Jack Byrnes: [sternly] Even after her body's endured the hellish ordeal of birthing twins?
- Greg Focker: Yes. Even after that. It's still... It's all good. It's all good under the...” (continue)(continue reading)
Robert De Niro - Jack Byrnes
Ben Stiller - Greg Focker

“I don't need a compass to tell me which way the wind shines.”
Ben Stiller - Furious

“- Kate Veatch: I'm fine. I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.
- White Goodman: In some cultures, they only eat vomit. I never been there, but I read about it... in a book.”
Christine Taylor - Kate Veatch
Ben Stiller - White Goodman

“Rufus, Brint, and Meekus were like brothers to me. And when I say brother, I don't mean, like, an actual brother, but I mean like the way black people use it. Which is more meaningful I think.”

Ben Stiller - Derek Zoolander

“I've learned along the way you can discover more by allowing yourself to be surprised by what you encounter.”
Ben Stiller - Josh

- Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: I wonder why she called you.
- Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: What do you mean?
- Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: No, I mean, she called you.
- Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: What, are you in the eighth grade still?
- Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: What? That's a legitimate question. I just - I mean, we're both listed.
- Father... (continue)(continue reading)

Ben Stiller - Rabbi Jake Schram
Edward Norton - Father Brian Finn

“- Jamie: If I want to be totally honest with myself, I don't think I'm ever going to die. I know that's crazy.
- Josh: That's crazy.”
Adam Driver - Jamie
Ben Stiller - Josh

“- Josh Kovacs: The average apartment in the Tower costs 5.6 million dollars. We have the best views, the most advanced security systems, but you know what these people are really buying?
- Rick Malloy: White neighbors?”
Ben Stiller - Josh Kovacs

“- Zuba: Oh. No, son. I mean how could this happen? You told us you were a king. And a king does not get beat.
- Alex: Well, I am a king. I'm the... I'm the King of New York. It's - it's my stage name. I'm like, you know, it's - for when I perform.”
Bernie Mac - Zuba
Ben Stiller - Alex

“- Richard Schlichting: You know the stuff they tell you about, you know, chromosome damage and all that stuff?
- Mel Coplin: Yeah, I do!
- Richard Schlichting: That's government propaganda.”

Alan Alda - Richard Schlichting
Ben Stiller - Mel Coplin

“- J.P. Prewitt: The truth is male models have been assassinating world leaders for over 200 years. Abe Lincoln wanted to abolish slavery, right? Well, who do you think made the silk stockings and powdered wigs worn by our early leaders?
- Derek Zoolander: Mugatu!
- J.P. Prewitt: Slaves, Derek. So they hired John Wilkes Booth to do Mr. Lincoln...” (continue)(continue reading)
David Duchovny - J.P. Prewitt
Ben Stiller - Derek Zoolander
Christine Taylor - Matilda Jeffries

“I defy any rescue boat within a million miles to miss this baby. When the moment is right, we will ignite the beacon of liberty and be rescued from this awful nightmare!”
Ben Stiller - Alex

“In Bay City, when you cross the line, your nuts are mine.”
Ben Stiller - David Starsky

- Greg Focker: Who would've thought it wasn't really about a dragon, huh?
- Jack Byrnes: What do you mean?
- Greg Focker: You know, the whole drug thing?
- Jack Byrnes: No, I don't know. Why don't you tell me?
- Greg Focker: Some people think that to "Puff the Magic Dragon" means to... they're really, uh... to smoke... to smoke... a marijuana... (continue)(continue reading)

Ben Stiller - Greg Focker
Robert De Niro - Jack Byrnes

“- Cornelia: When we first met, you wooed me with romantic e-mails.
- Josh: It wouldn't make sense for me to send you e-mails now that we're in the same room all the time.”
Naomi Watts - Cornelia
Ben Stiller - Josh

“You screwed a scuba instructor on our honeymoon. What kinda cold-hearted bitch will do that to someone they love. I have to be an idiot to take you back.”
Ben Stiller - Reuben Feffer

“I've done a lot more effect-driven films than you have and I think I can spot...
[picks up Damien's severed head]
... a prop head when I see one!
[people around him gag]
It's corn syrup, guys! Corn syrup and latex.
[digs his fingers inside the head and gets a taste; gets disgusted look on his face]
Warm... blood-flavored corn syrup.”
Ben Stiller - Tugg Speedman - Hot LZ

“- Ken Hutchinson: Are you crying?
- David Starsky: Am I crying? I'm not crying. You are.
- Ken Hutchinson: It's okay to cry. People cry.
- David Starsky: Well, I'm not like many people. I'm not a crier, I don't cry, I work out. I have a job, I have hobbies.”
Owen Wilson - Ken Hutchinson
Ben Stiller - David Starsky

“It's not a little itty-bitty bean. It's an averaged sized bean. There are kids in parts of the world who would walk 50 miles through quicksand just so they could stick a toe in your swimming pool. There are kids who would eat beans because they've had nothing to eat their whole life but leaves and bark and roots.”

Ben Stiller - Tim Dingman

“- Cole Howard: I'm thinking of becoming a male prostitute...
- Josh Kovacs: I think I might have a better idea.”
Casey Affleck - Cole Howard
Ben Stiller - Josh Kovacs

“- Royal Tenenbaum: I've got six weeks to set things right with you and I aim to do it. Will you give me a chance?
- Chas Tenenbaum: No.
- Royal Tenenbaum: Do you speak for everyone?
- Chas Tenenbaum: I speak for myself.”

Gene Hackman - Royal Tenenbaum
Ben Stiller - Chas Tenenbaum

- Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: I mean, she's like your sister!
- Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: Thank you for adding new depth to my confusion.

Ben Stiller - Rabbi Jake Schram
Edward Norton - Father Brian Finn

“Here at Globo Gym we understand that ugliness and fatness are genetic disorders, like baldness or necrophilia, and it's your fault if you don't hate yourself enough to do something about it.”
Ben Stiller - White Goodman