Ben Stiller movie quotes

“Civil war dudes... You guys are brothers, for God's sake... You gotta stop fighting... North wins... Slavery is bad... Sorry... Don't want to burst your bubble but South, you guys get Allman Brothers ...and... Nascar. So just chill!”

Ben Stiller - Larry Daley

“- Flight Attendant: Sir, we have a policy on this airline that if a bag is this large we take...
- Greg Focker: Okay you know what, take your scrubby little paws off my bag, okay? It's not like I have a bomb in here. It's not like I wanna blow up the plane. I just want to store my bag according to your safety regulations.
- Flight Attendant: Sir...” (continue)(continue reading)

Ben Stiller - Greg Focker

“God was showing off when he made you.”

Ben Stiller - Rabbi Jake Schram

They should call it the San Di-lame-o Zoo. First they tell you, "Hey, we got this great open plan, where animals can run wild". Next thing you know, you have flowers in your hair, and everybody's hugging everybody.

Ben Stiller - Alex

“- Alex: I'm swimming back to New York! I know my chances are slim, but I have to try!
- Gloria: Alex, you can't swim!
- Alex: I said my chances are slim!”
Ben Stiller - Alex
Jada Pinkett Smith - Gloria

“If there is anything that this horrible tragedy can teach us, it's that a male model's life is a precious, precious commodity. Just because we have chiseled abs and stunning features, it doesn't mean that we too can't not die in a freak gasoline fight accident.”
Ben Stiller - Derek Zoolander

“- Eddie: You're in debt? What kind of debt?
- Lila: You know, the kind where you owe a lot of money to people.”
Ben Stiller - Eddie
Malin Akerman - Lila

“- Mr. Furious: Maybe if you didn't smack me in the face with a shovel every time we went out, we'd have a few more victories to brag about.
- The Shoveller: All right now, I'm sorry about that. I just have a tendency to lose my concentration when I've got a salad fork stuck in my rear end.”
Ben Stiller - Furious
William H. Macy - Shoveler

“- Larry: Debbie - can I call you Debbie? 'Cause, um, I felt a connection when I entered this office, and I don't know if you did too.
- Debbie: I didn't feel a connection.”
Ben Stiller - Larry Daley
Anne Meara - Debbie

“- Matilda Jeffries: I became...
- Hansel: What?
- Matilda Jeffries: Bulimic.
- Derek Zoolander: You can read minds?”
Christine Taylor - Matilda Jeffries
Owen Wilson - Hansel
Ben Stiller - Derek Zoolander

- Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: I have to go on a date with this woman. Why can't I just say no?
- Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: I don't know, why can't you?
- Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: I can't alienate these women, I need body count at the temple.
Ben Stiller - Rabbi Jake Schram
Edward Norton - Father Brian Finn

“- Jack Byrnes: I'm watching you.
- Greg Focker: Yeah, well I have eyes too, so I'll be watching you... watching me.”
Robert De Niro - Jack Byrnes
Ben Stiller - Greg Focker

“- Mr. McPhee: Let's all laugh at me, the comedy night guard. No is the answer. Sarcasm back at you, with your humor box. I wasn't laughing. I was pretending to laugh, if that's what you want, some sort of battle of humor. Do you?
- Larry: No, I don't want to get into a battle of humor.
- Mr. McPhee: No, you don't, because it would be a...” (continue)(continue reading)
Ricky Gervais - Dr. McPhee
Ben Stiller - Larry Daley

- Mr. Furious: I'm a Pantera's box you do not wanna open.
- Casanova Frankenstein: It is "Pandora".
- Mr. Furious: Please don't correct me, it sickens me.
Ben Stiller - Furious
Geoffrey Rush - Casanova Frankenstein

“- Derek Zoolander: You mean, you haven't...
- Matilda Jeffries: Done it in a while, yeh.
- Hansel: Now, what's a while? Like, eight days?”

Ben Stiller - Derek Zoolander
Christine Taylor - Matilda Jeffries
Owen Wilson - Hansel

“- Ken Hutchinson: I like your style.
- David Starsky: I like your moves.”
Owen Wilson - Ken Hutchinson
Ben Stiller - David Starsky

“- Steve Arlo: Why are we talking on the phone?
- Daryl Zero: I told you. We can't be too careful. Two guys in an airport... talking? It's a little fishy.”

Ben Stiller - Steve Arlo
Bill Pullman - Daryl Zero

There was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesmen, where I thought, "Wow, I could really spend the rest of my life with this woman".
Ben Stiller - Derek Zoolander

“- Derek Zoolander: Or are you here to tell me what a bad eugoogoolizer I am?
- Matilda: A what?
- Derek Zoolander: A eugoogoolizer... one who speaks at funerals.
[Matilda looks at Derek confused]
- Derek Zoolander: Or did you think I was too stupid to know what a eugoogooly was?”
Ben Stiller - Derek Zoolander
Christine Taylor - Matilda Jeffries

I love happy endings. You know, that's the problem with... the American cinema: can't handle any complexity in it, you know? "Don't make me think, I just wanna be entertained".
Ben Stiller - White Goodman

“That is your side of the island, and this is our side of the island. That is the bad side, where you can skip and prance around like a magical pixie horse, and do whatever the heck you wanna do all day long. This is the good side, for those who love New York and care about getting back.”

Ben Stiller - Alex

“- Greg Focker: Plus, you got another guy around the house to leave the seat up.
- Jack Byrnes: [long pause] He can't lift the seat, Greg. He lacks the strength and opposable thumbs.”

Ben Stiller - Greg Focker
Robert De Niro - Jack Byrnes

“- Greg Focker: O dear God, thank You. You are such a good God to us, a kind and gentle... and accommodating God. And we thank You, oh sweet, sweet Lord of hosts... for the... smorgasbord... You have so aptly lain at our table this day... and each day... by day. Day by day by day. Oh dear Lord, three things we pray. To love Thee more dearly. To...” (continue)(continue reading)

Ben Stiller - Greg Focker
Blythe Danner - Dina Byrnes
Robert De Niro - Jack Byrnes

“- Josh Kovacs: To get in the building, we have to avoid seven exterior cameras and six doormen who work at two entrance points in rotating shifts. Once inside, we'll be faced with four security officers who monitor a bank of twelve internal cameras, as well as two security guards who vary the patrol route each day. If we make it through all that...” (continue)(continue reading)
Ben Stiller - Josh Kovacs
Eddie Murphy - Slide

“- Derek Zoolander: Why do you hate models, Matilda?
- Matilda Jeffries: Honestly?
- Hansel: Yes.
- Matilda Jeffries: I think they're vain, stupid, and incredibly self-centered.
- Hansel: I totally agree with you. But how do you feel about male models?”
Ben Stiller - Derek Zoolander
Christine Taylor - Matilda Jeffries
Owen Wilson - Hansel