Ben Stiller movie quotes

“- Jack Byrnes: I mean, can you ever really trust another human being, Greg?
- Greg Focker: Sure, I think so.
- Jack Byrnes: No. The answer is you cannot.”
Robert De Niro - Jack Byrnes
Ben Stiller - Greg Focker

“Since we have been together I have felt more uncomfortable, out of place, embarassed, and just physically sick then I have in my entire life. But I could not have gone through that, I could not have thrown up 19 times in 48 days if I was not in love with you.”
Ben Stiller - Reuben Feffer

“- Jedediah: No problemo, Gigantor.
- Larry: Um, my name's Larry, first of all okay, Jed? See, I call you Jed, I don't call you tiny, right?
- Jedediah: What's that supposed to mean?”
Owen Wilson - Jedediah
Ben Stiller - Larry Daley

“- Jack Byrnes: I'm a realist. I understand it's the 21st century and you've probably had premarital relations with my daughter. But under our roof, it's my way or the Long Island Expressway. Is that understood?
- Greg Focker: Of course, yeah.
- Jack Byrnes: Good. Keep your snake in its cage for 72 hours.”
Robert De Niro - Jack Byrnes
Ben Stiller - Greg Focker

“- Rozalin Focker: Well you know, honey, many unplanned pregnancies happen because the man is such a sexual dynamo, and the woman craves his sperm on an unconscious but very powerful level.
- Greg Focker: Mom, I'm truly not comfortable having this conversation with you. I've been telling you that since I was eleven.”
Barbra Streisand - Rozalin Focker
Ben Stiller - Greg Focker

“- Norm the Interrogator: I got a plane full of people saying you threatened that stewardess.
- Greg Focker: I was not threatening her. I was just trying to get my bag into the overhead storage thing...
- Norm the Interrogator: You were acting like a maniac and you threatened her with a bomb.
- Greg Focker: No, I said I didn't have a bomb.
- Norm...” (continue)(continue reading)
Bernie Sheredy - Norm the Interrogator
Ben Stiller - Greg Focker

“- Jedadiah: I'm gonna shoot you in your dang eye. In your dadgum eye.
- Larry: Yeah. Keep shootin'. Nothing's gonna happen.
- Jedadiah: Now you know my shame. Jedediah's impotent rage. His guns don't fire. Take me away.”
Owen Wilson - Jedediah
Ben Stiller - Larry Daley

- Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: What's the story of Sodom and Gomorrah really about? Anyone? Steve Posner.
- Steve Posner: Sexual perversion.
- Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Sexual perversion. Steve Posner's watching too much Spice Channel!
Ben Stiller - Rabbi Jake Schram
David Wain - Steve Posner

“Being an only child, educated entirely by private tutors my whole life, I'm looking forward to interact with children for the first time.”
Ben Stiller - Tony Perkis Jr.

“- White Goodman: Donde está la biblioteca, Pedro?
- Peter La Fleur: White?
- White Goodman: We're opening a new Globo Gym in Mexico City, so I've been boning up on my Spanish.”
Ben Stiller - White Goodman
Vince Vaughn - Peter La Fleur

“- Greg Focker: What's the sign for sour milk? ‘Cause this tastes a little... funky.
- Jack Byrnes: That's because that's from Debbie's left breast, Greg.”
Ben Stiller - Greg Focker
Robert De Niro - Jack Byrnes

“- Jack Byrnes: Greg, a man reaches a certain age when he realizes what's truly important. Do you know what that is?
- Greg Focker: Love… friendship... enjoying the moment... living... just love.
- Jack Byrnes: His legacy.
- Greg Focker: That, too. Right, yeah. Sure.”
Robert De Niro - Jack Byrnes
Ben Stiller - Greg Focker

“- Derek Zoolander: What is this? A center for ants?
- Mugatu: What?
- Derek Zoolander: How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read... if they can't even fit inside the building?”

Ben Stiller - Derek Zoolander
Will Ferrell - Mugatu

“- Larry: I'm trusting you guys, alright? And if you don't do what I say, you'll end up like your little buddies in the Mayan world over there, locked up. Take a look. Do they look happy?
- Jedediah: No. They look sad.”
Ben Stiller - Larry Daley
Owen Wilson - Jedediah

“- Becky Beaner: What's the name of this group?
- Invisible Boy: The Super Dudes!
- The Bowler: No, no, no, not the Super Dudes.
- Mr. Furious: We're not the Super Dudes. We don't have a name yet, but we're definitely not the Super Dudes.”
Monet Mazur - Becky Beaner
Kel Mitchell - Invisible Boy
Janeane Garofalo - Bowler
Ben Stiller - Furious

“- Polly Prince: You wanna come upstairs and have sex?
- Reuben Feffer: Huh?
- Polly Prince: I'm kidding!”
Jennifer Aniston - Polly Prince
Ben Stiller - Reuben Feffer

“- Reuben Feffer: You don't know what it was like for me growing up. I had a mother who made me afraid of everything!
- Polly Prince: Well, big deal, Reuben, my dad had a whole second family!
- Reuben Feffer: What?
- Polly Prince: Yeah, on Long Island. He had a wife, and kids, and a golden retriever!”
Ben Stiller - Reuben Feffer
Jennifer Aniston - Polly Prince

“Nobody makes me bleed my own blood. Nobody!”
Ben Stiller - White Goodman

“- Reuben Feffer: Whose party is this again?
- Sandy Lyle: It's an art opening for this Dutch guy, Jost. His art sucks, but he used to sell me really good pot.”
Ben Stiller - Reuben Feffer
Philip Seymour Hoffman - Sandy Lyle

“- Sandy Lyle: Reuben, I'm in a situation here. We have to leave now.
- Reuben Feffer: No. Can we stay a couple more minutes?
- Sandy Lyle: Dude, no. This is serious. I just sharted.
- Reuben Feffer: I don't know what that means.
- Sandy Lyle: I tried to fart and a little shit came out. I just sharted. Now let's go.”
Philip Seymour Hoffman - Sandy Lyle
Ben Stiller - Reuben Feffer

“There aren't any good guys. You realize that, don't you? I mean: there aren't evil guys, and innocent guys. It's just a bunch of guys.”
Ben Stiller - Steve Arlo

“Who am I?
[phone rings]
God?”

Ben Stiller - Derek Zoolander

“- Jack Byrnes: What are you driving there? Ford?
- Greg Focker: Yeah it's a Taurus. Yeah, we were going to get a mid-size, but I figure, hey, we pull down decent bucks. Might as well go all out, and pop for the full-size.
- Jack Byrnes: Sure. Interesting color. You pick it?
- Greg Focker: Oh, no, the guy at the counter. Why?
- Jack Byrnes: Well,...” (continue)(continue reading)
Robert De Niro - Jack Byrnes
Ben Stiller - Greg Focker

“- White Goodman: My gym is worth more than four million dollars, your gym isn't even worth four. My gym has stockholders, your gym doesn't even have cup holders.
- Peter La Fleur: Why would I want cup holders?”
Ben Stiller - White Goodman
Vince Vaughn - Peter La Fleur

“- Jack Byrnes: Greg, how come you don't like cats?
- Greg Focker: I don't like cats. I-I just - I just prefer dogs. I mean, I'm just more of a dog kind of, you know. Come home, wagging their little tails, happy to see you kind of...
- Jack Byrnes: You need that assurance, do you? You prefer an emotionally shallow animal?
- Greg Focker: I...
-...” (continue)(continue reading)
Robert De Niro - Jack Byrnes
Ben Stiller - Greg Focker