Steve Martin movie quotes

“- Dr. Brandon: Dr. Beckerman was murdered in Europe - you know that.
- Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: Exactly. Not only is he dead, he's six thousand miles away.”
Peter Hobbs - Dr. Brandon
Steve Martin - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr

“When you're reaching for a star, there's a long way to fall.”
Steve Martin - C. D. Bales

“Never, in my wildest imagination, I ever thought it could be like that. That was the most exciting sexual encounter - without actually having it - that I ever, almost had.”

Steve Martin - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr

“Nothing's gonna make it go away, until someone changes something, which is not going to happen. I can't pretend it isn't there because that it is a lie, and when art lies, it becomes worthless.”

Steve Martin - Davis

“The shoes, right? The shoes are tragic!”

Steve Martin - Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli

“- Bizu: It's an idiom!
- Clouseau: You, sir, are the idiom.”
William Abadie - Bizu
Steve Martin - Clouseau

“- Nicole: Would you like me to stay behind and help you?
- Clouseau: That is a generous offer, Nicole. But I am quite sensitive to office gender politics. And in today's world, the slightest gesture can be misinterpreted as harrasment. And it is late, and I would prefer not to put you or me into that delicate situation.”
Emily Mortimer - Nicole
Steve Martin - Clouseau

- Dixie: So, why don't you ask her out?
- C.D. Bales: Sometimes I take a walk at night and I see couples walking, holding hands and I look at them and I think: "Why not me?". Then I catch my shadow on the wall...

Shelley Duvall - Dixie
Steve Martin - C. D. Bales

- Peter Sanderson: I message for you. Howie says “The cool points are out the window and you got me all twisted up in the game”.
- Charlene Morton: That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Steve Martin - Peter Sanderson
Queen Latifah - Charlene Morton

“- Larry: I just wanted to meet anybody.
- Bride: I know. It can be rough. Did you try a fern?
- Larry: Yeah.
- Bride: Did you try a dog?
- Larry: Yeah, but they don't seem to really help that much.”
Steve Martin - Larry
Sarah Abrell - Bride

“For one dollar, I'll guess your weight, your height, or your sex.”
Steve Martin - Navin

“- Rigby Reardon: Are you all right, Carlos?
- Carlos Rodriguez: It's all right. It's just a bullet. My wife Carmelita will suck it out.”

Steve Martin - Rigby Reardon
Reni Santoni - Carlos Rodriguez

“I am not a bum. I'm a jerk. I once had wealth, power, and the love of a beautiful woman. Now I only have two things: my friends, and... uh... my thermos.”
Steve Martin - Navin

“Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can get fired by someone wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap.
”
Steve Martin

“- Del Griffith: You play with your balls a lot.
- Neal Page: I do not play with my balls.
- Del Griffith: Larry Bird doesn't do as much ball-handling in one night as you do in an hour!”
John Candy - Del Griffith
Steve Martin - Neal Page

“Half the things we tell ourselves are fiction.”
Steve Martin - Davis

“Carlotta was the kind of town where they spell trouble T-R-U-B-I-L, and if you try to correct them, they kill you.”
Steve Martin - Rigby Reardon

“Let your mind go and your body will follow.”
Steve Martin - Harris K. Telemacher

“- Frank: It's like your Aunt Edna's ass. It goes on forever and it's just as frightening.
- Gil: That's true.
- Frank: There is no end zone. You never cross the goal line, spike the ball and do your touchdown dance. Never.”

Jason Robards - Frank
Steve Martin - Gil

“You're like an energy vampire. You suck the life out of people and take the fun out of being a lawyer.”

Steve Martin - Roger Cobb

“- Tom Baker: What do you do for a living Eliot?
- Eliot Murtaugh : Well... I'm in 8th grade.”
Steve Martin - Tom Baker
Taylor Lautner - Eliot Murtaugh

“- Lorraine Baker: Still smells the same. Old gross stuff, dead animals, and murky lake water.
- Tom Baker: It's called fresh air sweetie.”
Hilary Duff - Lorraine Baker
Steve Martin - Tom Baker

“- Jonas: What did the doctors tell you about your legs?
- Boyd: The doctors have nothing to do with my legs. I'll walk if it's God's will.
- Jonas: God doesn't have a trucker's license.
- Boyd: I believe that things happen for a reason.
- Jonas: You believe that. I'm gonna run.”
Steve Martin - Jonas
Lukas Haas - Boyd

“- Neal Page: Del... why did you kiss my ear?
- Del Griffith: Why are you holding my hand?
- Neal Page: [frowns] Where's your other hand?
- Del Griffith: Between two pillows...
- Neal Page: Those aren't pillows!”

Steve Martin - Neal Page
John Candy - Del Griffith

“Cover her breasts. I'm a man, flesh and blood.”

Steve Martin - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr