Steve Martin movie quotes

“- Georgey Sanderson: [reading an adult magazine] Dad, what's a rack?
- Peter Sanderson: It's a country.”
Angus T. Jones - Georgey Sanderson
Steve Martin - Peter Sanderson

“- Inspector: You are playing God.
- Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: Somebody has to.”
William Traylor - Inspector
Steve Martin - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr

- Juliette Forrest: What does "foc" mean?
- Rigby Reardon: It's a slang word. It's when a man and a woman are in love, the man puts his...
- Juliette Forrest: No, no. It's written here: "F. O. C.".
Rachel Ward - Juliet Forrest
Steve Martin - Rigby Reardon

“- C.D. Bales: You said you didn't want a coat!
- Roxanne: I was being ironic.
- C.D. Bales: Oh, ho, ho, irony! Oh, no, no, we don't get that here. See, uh, people ski topless here while smoking dope, so irony's not really a, a high priority. We haven't had any irony here since about, uh, '83, when I was the only practitioner of it. And I stopped...” (continue)(continue reading)
Steve Martin - C. D. Bales
Daryl Hannah - Roxanne

“- Olsen: I appreciate you letting me observe that brain operation today.
- Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: It would have been more complicated if it had needed one, but since you wanted to observe my technique...”
Francis X. McCarthy - Olsen
Steve Martin - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr

“- Harris K. Telemacher: So, I'll see you Sunday?
- Trudi: I got a shower Sunday.
- Harris K. Telemacher: Oh yeah, and I really should take a bath... Monday?”
Steve Martin - Harris K. Telemacher
Marilu Henner - Trudi

“- Terry Hoskins: Roger, what's wrong?
- Roger Cobb: What?
- Terry Hoskins: Don't I excite you?
- Roger Cobb: Edwina, what are you doing?
- Edwina Cutwater: I'm thinking of very old nuns.”

Victoria Tennant - Terry Hoskins
Steve Martin - Roger Cobb
Lily Tomlin - Edwina Cutwater

“- Dixie: It's a riddle. What can you sit on, sleep on, and brush your teeth with?
- C.D. Bales: I don't know.
- Dixie: A chair, a bed, and a toothbrush.
- C.D. Bales: What's the point?
- Dixie: The point is that sometimes the answer is so obvious, you don't even realize it. It's as plain as the nose on your face.”
Shelley Duvall - Dixie
Steve Martin - C. D. Bales

- Car Rental Agent: May I see your rental agreement?
- Neal Page: I threw it away.
- Car Rental Agent: Oh boy.
- Neal Page: "Oh boy", what?
- Car Rental Agent: You're fucked!
Edie McClurg - Car Rental Agent
Steve Martin - Neal Page

“That's part of your problem: you haven't seen enough movies. All of life's riddles are answered in the movies.”
Steve Martin - Davis

“When I arrived in Carlotta, I thought of the words Marlowe had said to me over fifteen years ago: Dead men don't wear plaid. Huh. Dead men don't wear plaid. I still don't know what it means.”
Steve Martin - Rigby Reardon

You now have a Swiss bank account if anybody asks. Crédit Nationale Du Génève code name "Paddy". Lavish awkward gesture. All of fifteen Swiss Francs in it, but if you ever want to impress anybody, they can find out you have a Swiss account. But, Swiss law prohibits the bank from revealing the balance. Thus are all men made equal.
Steve Martin - Jimmy Dell

“- George Banks: Swans?
- Annie Banks: Yes, Frank thought it'd be nice to have swans waddling around the tulip border.
- George Banks: We don't have a tulip border.
- Andrea - the Florist: [handing him a bill] You will.”
Steve Martin - George Banks
Kimberly Williams-Paisley - Annie Banks
Martha Gehman - Andrea - the Florist

“- Dr. Necessiter: As you know, my research has advanced to a point where I can put her mind into the body of a gorilla.
- Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: I couldn't fuck a gorilla.”

David Warner - Dr. Alfred Necessiter
Steve Martin - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr

“This is never going to heal!”

Steve Martin - Rigby Reardon

“Ladies and gentlemen, I can envision a day when the brains of brilliant men can be kept alive in the bodies of dumb people.”
Steve Martin - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr

“- Sara McDowel: What did you have in mind?
- Harris K. Telemacher: Well, I was thinking of taking you on a cultural tour of L.A.
- Sara McDowel: That's the first fifteen minutes, then what?”
Victoria Tennant - Sara McDowel
Steve Martin - Harris K. Telemacher

“- Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: You know, it's dangerous for you to be here in the frozen food section.
- Shaldeen: Why is that?
- Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: Because you could melt all this stuff.”
Steve Martin - Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli
Carol Kane - Shaldeen

“- C.D. Bales: It's hypnotic, isn't it?
- Chris: It's huge! It's enormous! It's gigantic! I mean, they said it was big, but I didn't expect it to be big!”

Steve Martin - C. D. Bales
Rick Rossovich - Chris

“Her lips were warm, and my arm wasn't the only thing that was throbbing. Our hearts were, too. My plan was to kiss her with every lip on my face... then slowly move her to the next room, maneuver her next to the bed... marry her, and start the whoopee machine. My plan was working fine until... Agh! She stuck her finger in my bullet hole!”

Steve Martin - Rigby Reardon

“- Peggy Schuyler: Roger, you go to court tomorrow, we're through.
- Roger Cobb: If I don't, your father will have my balls.
- Peggy Schuyler: Then it's either me or your balls. You can't have both.”
Madolyn Smith Osborne - Peggy Schuyler
Steve Martin - Roger Cobb

“- Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: When did your wife leave?
- Barney Coopersmith: October.
- Vincent 'Vinnie' Antoneli: That's when my wife left! What is it about the month of October?
- Barney Coopersmith: I dunno. The pressure of Halloween? You never know what to go as!”

Steve Martin - Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli
Rick Moranis - Barney Coopersmith

“- Rigby Reardon: I'm working on an important case. It's dangerous, and you'll probably be killed. But if you love me, you'll do it.
- Jimmi-Sue Altfeld: Yes, I do love you.
- Rigby Reardon: And I love you. And I mean that more than anything I've ever said in my life.”

Steve Martin - Rigby Reardon
Lana Turner - Jimmi-Sue Altfeld

“- Roger Cobb: You'll have to do it.
- Edwina Cutwater: Do what?
- Roger Cobb: You know, take it out.
- Edwina Cutwater: Take what out?
- Roger Cobb: The little fireman.
- Edwina Cutwater: The little fireman?
- Roger Cobb: You know, my penis.”
Steve Martin - Roger Cobb
Lily Tomlin - Edwina Cutwater

“It is better to be truthful and good than to not.”
Steve Martin - Freddy Benson