Steve Martin movie quotes

“Women have choices, and men have responsibilities.”
Steve Martin - Gil

“- Nicole: Do you live alone, Inspector?
- Clouseau: Yes, I do.
- Nicole: Do you ever get lonely?
- Clouseau: No. Not since the Internet.”
Emily Mortimer - Nicole
Steve Martin - Clouseau

“Politics. Where greed wears the mask of morality.”
Steve Martin - Clouseau

“- Larry: You know, the guys who always keep their hair are the guys who have no use for it at all, they're not trying to impress anybody.
- Warren: Who's that?
- Larry: Like bums. You ever seen a bald bum? They always have a beautiful head of hair.”
Steve Martin - Larry
Charles Grodin - Warren

“- Rigby Reardon: If you want me to investigate your father's death, I get ten dollars a day, plus expenses.
- Juliet Forrest: Will two hundred dollars be enough in advance, Mr Reardon?
- Rigby Reardon: Two hundred, I'd shoot my grandmother.
- Juliet Forrest: That won't be neccessary.
- Rigby Reardon: Never can tell. In my last case, I had to...” (continue)(continue reading)
Steve Martin - Rigby Reardon
Rachel Ward - Juliet Forrest

“- Larry: Iris, how old are you?
- Iris: Thirty.
- Larry: And you've had six husbands?
- Iris: That's a lot, isn't it?
- Larry: No, no, not really. When you think about it, it's just one every five years.”
Steve Martin - Larry
Judith Ivey - Iris

“- Clouseau: Tell me about her.
- Ponton: I consider her the most beautiful woman in the world. What about yourself?
- Clouseau: No, I don't consider myself a beautiful woman.”

Steve Martin - Clouseau
Jean Reno - Ponton

“- Dixie: Want anything? A drink?
- C.D. Bales: Yeah, but if I ask for another one, give it to me.”
Shelley Duvall - Dixie
Steve Martin - C. D. Bales

“Let us just say I was deeply unhappy, but I didn't know it because I was so happy all the time.”
Steve Martin - Harris K. Telemacher

Just remember that in every pothole there is hope. Well, you see, pothole is spelled P-O-T-H-O-L-E. So if you take the P, and add it to the H, the O, and the E, and rearrange the letters... or contrariwise, you remove the O, T, and the L, you get "hope". So, just remember, in every pothole there is hope!
Steve Martin - Philip

“- Tom Baker: You were checking me out, weren't you?
- Kate Baker: Yes, I was. You got a problem with that?
- Tom Baker: Twelve kids later and we still got the heat.”
Steve Martin - Tom Baker
Bonnie Hunt - Kate Baker

“You know what your problem is? You're always talking about X. But you're thinking about Y. You gotta learn to talk about Y. Forget about X. X is gonna take care of itself.”

Steve Martin - Davis

“- Jack: Don't be so broken up about Danielle. She already dumped Raul, you know.
- Larry: She has?
- Jack: Yeah, she's living with a rock group now.”
Steve Lawrence - Jack
Steve Martin - Larry

“- Neal Page: You're a thief!
- New York Lawyer: Close, I'm an attorney.”
Steve Martin - Neal Page
Nicholas Wyman - New York Lawyer

“I have waited a long time to prove myself, and now I have been given the opportunity of a lifetime. I intend to show the world exactly who I am and what I can do. I must not fail.”
Steve Martin - Clouseau

There's something I want to say that's always been very difficult for me to say: "I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit, and on the slitted sheet I sit". There. I've never been relaxed enough around anyone to say that.
Steve Martin - Navin

“- Juliet Forrest: What are you doing?
- Rigby Reardon: Adjusting your breasts. You fainted and they... shifted all outta whack. There.
- Juliet Forrest: Thank you.
- Rigby Reardon: You're welcome.”
Rachel Ward - Juliet Forrest
Steve Martin - Rigby Reardon

“- Edwina Cutwater: Hmm, we seem to have mutual control over our body.
- Roger Cobb: Our body? This is my body! I'm not sharing my body with anyone!”
Lily Tomlin - Edwina Cutwater
Steve Martin - Roger Cobb

“- Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli: I thought you were dead.
- Billy Sparrow: That was the general idea.”
Steve Martin - Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli
William Hickey - Billy Sparrow

“- Tina Shenk: Is Jake your only child?
- Kate Baker: Oh no. We have 12.
- Tom Baker: I couldn't keep her off of me.”
Paula Marshall - Tina Shenk
Bonnie Hunt - Kate Baker
Steve Martin - Tom Baker

“- Navin: Are you a model?
- Marie: No. I'm a cosmetologist.
- Navin: Really? A cosmetologist? That's unbelievable. That's impressive. Must be tough handling the weightlessness.”
Steve Martin - Navin
Bernadette Peters - Marie

Sitting there at that moment I thought of something else Shakespeare said. He said: "Hey, life is pretty stupid, with lots of hubbub to keep you busy, but really not amounting to much”. Of course I'm paraphrasing: "Life is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing”.
Steve Martin - Harris K. Telemacher

“- Roxanne: You even got me in bed.
- C.D. Bales: Yeah. Yeah, what about that? You went to bed with him on your first date.
- Roxanne: Only because you seduced me. I would have never gone to bed with him otherwise.
- C.D. Bales: You still went to bed with him awfully fast! A few frilly words and you're counting ceilling tiles.
- Roxanne: I don't...” (continue)(continue reading)
Daryl Hannah - Roxanne
Steve Martin - C. D. Bales

“There's so much rage going around we're damn lucky we have the movies to help us vent it.”
Steve Martin - Davis

“Lord loves a workin' man. Don't trust whitey. See a doctor and get rid of it.”

Steve Martin - Navin