Steve Martin movie quotes

“Juliet! Those dirty bastards! Beating up a woman. They even knocked your breasts out of whack.”
Steve Martin - Rigby Reardon

“- Assistant Casino Manager: You seem to be having quite a run. Is there anything we can do for you?
- Master Sergeant Ernest G. Bilko: Yes, go down to your vault and tell the rest of your money to be patient, we'll be together soon.”
Ursula Burton - Assistant Casino Manager
Steve Martin - Master Sergeant Ernest G. Bilko

“I'm tired of having a magnificient, fabulous, interesting nose. I want a cute little, petite, little button nose.”
Steve Martin - C. D. Bales

“- Car Rental Agent: [cheerfully] Welcome to Marathon, may I help you?
- Neal Page: Yes.
- Car Rental Agent: How may I help you?
- Neal Page: You can start by wiping that fucking dumb-ass smile off your rosey, fucking, cheeks! And you can give me a fucking automobile: a fucking Datsun, a fucking Toyota, a fucking Mustang, a fucking Buick! Four...” (continue)(continue reading)
Edie McClurg - Car Rental Agent
Steve Martin - Neal Page

- George Banks: I have a great idea where we can have this lovely, not small, but not too big wedding.
- Nina Banks: You do? Where?
- George Banks: At our favorite restaurant. The place we've been eating at for fifteen years. The best. The Steak Pit!
- Annie Banks: Dad, get serious.
- Matty Banks: I don't think you want the word "Pit" on a... (continue)(continue reading)
Steve Martin - George Banks
Diane Keaton - Nina Banks
Kimberly Williams-Paisley - Annie Banks
Kieran Culkin - Matty Banks

“- Navin: Mommy, Daddy! How did you find me?
- Father: We don't know. This is the first place we looked.”
Steve Martin - Navin
Richard Ward - Father

- Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: Would you read that back to me? I'm afraid that might make me sound pompous to your readers.
- Olsen: "My brilliant research in brain transplantation is unsurpassed, and will probably make my name live beyond eternity".
- Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: Well, that's all right. Take out the "probably". It makes me sound... (continue)(continue reading)
Steve Martin - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr
Francis X. McCarthy - Olsen

“- Iris: I'm crazy about you Larry.
- Larry: I'm crazy about you too Iris.”
Judith Ivey - Iris
Steve Martin - Larry

“- Chris: What am I afraid of her for? She's no rocket scientist.
- C.D. Bales: Well, actually, she is a rocket scientist.”

Rick Rossovich - Chris
Steve Martin - C. D. Bales

We could sell this house in a second. It's the “Leave It to Beaver” house that everybody wants.
Steve Martin - George Banks

“- Juliet Forrest: Sometimes I feel I would like to...
- Rigby Reardon: You'd like to what? Kiss me? Yeah, that would be nice. It would give me a chance to tell her I was starting to feel something for her, too. Something warm and squishy. But how could I explain that a man in my business can't take on a wife, have a bunch of kids?
- Juliet...” (continue)(continue reading)
Rachel Ward - Juliet Forrest
Steve Martin - Rigby Reardon

“- Becky Metcalf: I didn't want to marry a dreamer. I'm not that brave. But when I see you through Gwen's eyes you look very different to me.
- Newton Davis: How?
- Becky Metcalf: Well, I could see how a dreamer, with somebody who believes in him, could do great things.”
Dana Delany - Becky
Steve Martin - Davis

“- Dolores: By the way, I fired Ramon yesterday.
- Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: Ramon? Ramon is such a fine man. What did he do?
- Dolores: He came up behind me and he grabbed my breasts.
- Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: What? I haven't even done that yet.”

Kathleen Turner - Dolores Benedict
Steve Martin - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr

- Navin: Why are you crying? And why are you wearing that old dress?
- Marie: Because I just heard a song on the radio that reminded me of the way we were.
- Navin: What was it?
- Marie: "The way we were".
Steve Martin - Navin
Bernadette Peters - Marie

“I run a show here. It's a lot of smoke and noise and it's strictly for the suckers. I've been pulling one kind of scam or another since I was your age, and if there's one thing I know it's how to spot the genuine article because that's what you've got to watch out for.”
Steve Martin - Jonas

“- Newton Davis: It's not a marriage! It is a simple arrangement in which I will share my house with her and in exchange for which she will argue with me in public and generally make my life incredibly terrible.
- Marty: That's marriage.”
Steve Martin - Davis
Peter MacNicol - Marty

“- George Banks: You look like you're enjoying seeing me in here.
- Nina Banks: Enjoying? Do you think it's enjoyable to get a phone call telling you to come down to the police station because your husband's been arrested for stealing hot dog buns?”
Steve Martin - George Banks
Diane Keaton - Nina Banks

- "Handsome"(in "Suspicion") : You don't smoke, do you?
- Rigby Reardon: No, I have tuberculosis.
- "Handsome"(in "Suspicion") : Oh, thank heaven for that.

Cary Grant - "Handsome"(in "Suspicion")
Steve Martin - Rigby Reardon

“- Larry: Oh, I hate these places. Don't you? It's like, most of these guys are just here for one thing. I guess I want to meet someone I can talk to, just get to know. And go to dinners with, and museums, art galleries. I think what I'm looking for is more of a real relationship.
- Girl in Bar: Oh, that's great, Larry. But I just came here to...” (continue)(continue reading)

Steve Martin - Larry
Leslie Wing - Girl in Bar

“- Warren: I don't like to take naps. I don't like to wake up more than once a day. Because when I first wake up I get that shock of who I am and everything. I really don't like to do that more than once a day.
- Larry: Ya.”
Charles Grodin - Warren
Steve Martin - Larry

“- Navin: Do you think it's possible that someday, you could make love with me and think of him?
- Marie: Who knows, maybe you and he could make love and you could think of me.
- Navin: I'd just be happy to be in there somewhere.”

Steve Martin - Navin
Bernadette Peters - Marie

“Hey, let's have five. Let's have six. Let's have a dozen and pretend they're donuts!”

Steve Martin - Gil

“- Larry:I don't have anything in my place, I just left with a suitcase. I lost my comb. This morning, I had to brush my hair with my toothbrush. I mean, I cleaned it out really good so I feel more comfortable, but it takes about twenty minutes. Does it look okay?
- Warren: No, it looks good, I was just thinking about how good it looks.
- Larry:...” (continue)(continue reading)
Steve Martin - Larry
Charles Grodin - Warren

“Do you know what your problem is? You live here. You're jaded. What you need is an outsider. In the last 24 hours I have experienced more in this city that most people who have lived here their whole lives! I climbed to the top of a luxury hotel! Not in the elevator! On the actual hotel itself! And then I fell...in love with my wife all over...” (continue)(continue reading)

Steve Martin - Henry Clark

“- Pfc. Wally Holbrook: I don't gamble.
- Master Sergeant Ernest G. Bilko: Well, what is it you do do?
- Pfc. Wally Holbrook: Permission to speak freely...
- Master Sergeant Ernest G. Bilko: Yeah, yeah, yeah, go ahead!
- Pfc. Wally Holbrook: I get up every morning and I get dressed to protect the American way of life.
- Master Sergeant Ernest G....” (continue)(continue reading)
Daryl Mitchell - Pfc. Wally Holbrook
Steve Martin - Master Sergeant Ernest G. Bilko