Steve Martin movie quotes

“Good people, bad people, they generally look like what they are.”
Steve Martin - Jimmy Dell

“- Neal Page: What do you think? You think this is a good combination?
- Del Griffith: No, probably not.”

Steve Martin - Neal Page
John Candy - Del Griffith

“- Ponton: You never cease to surprise me, sir.
- Clouseau: With me, surprises are rarely unexpected.”
Jean Reno - Ponton
Steve Martin - Clouseau

“I hadn't seen a body put together like that since I'd solved the case of the murdered girl with the big tits.”
Steve Martin - Rigby Reardon

“- Frank: You know, when you were two years old, we thought you had polio. Did you know that?
- Gil: Yeah, Mom said... something about it a couple of years ago.
- Frank: Yeah, well, for a week we didn't know. I hated you for that. I did. I hated having to care, having to go through the pain, the hurt, the suffering. It's not for me.”

Jason Robards - Frank
Steve Martin - Gil

“- Susan Page: You shared a motel room with a complete stranger? Are you crazy?
- Neal Page: Not yet. But I'm getting there.”
Laila Robins - Susan Page
Steve Martin - Neal Page

“Richie loved to use 22s because the bullets are small and they don't come out the other end like a 45, see, a 45 will blow a barn door out the back of your head and there's a lot of dry cleaning involved, but a 22 will just rattle around like Pac-Man until you're dead.”
Steve Martin - Vincent 'Vinnie' Antonelli

“If you like to play fetch, don't get a fast dog. All they want to do is show off and they don't care about your stick. If they don't comeback by sundown you're out three hundred dollars.”

Steve Martin - Larry

I can barely move my legs!
Do me a favor and kill me now!
Something, something rhymes with "legs"!
My life is over anyhow!

Steve Martin - Master Sergeant Ernest G. Bilko

“A woman is like an artichoke, you must work hard to get to her heart.”
Steve Martin - Clouseau

“Look around you. Everyone in this parking lot is struggling for control. And you know what it is they're trying to control, each and every one of 'em? Fear. They're trying to control their fear.”

Steve Martin - Davis

“She had the personality of a ZIP code in Kansas.”
Steve Martin - Bowfinger

“You bought me a grave-post for my 38th birthday?”

Steve Martin - Roger Cobb

“- Dreyfus: Understand something Clouseau. When I made you an inspector, it was not because I thought you had any value as a detective. It was because I thought you were the stupidest policeman in all of France, a hopeless, deluded idiot.
- Clouseau: Then I was not promoted for my merits?”
Kevin Kline - Dreyfus
Steve Martin - Clouseau

“- Rita Robbins: Ernie, are we going to dance tonight?
- Master Sergeant Ernest G. Bilko: Well, that's up to you. I remember the last time we danced I accidently stepped on your knee.”
Glenne Headly - Rita Robbins
Steve Martin - Master Sergeant Ernest G. Bilko

“- George Banks: Drive carefully. And don't forget to fasten your condom.
- Annie Banks: Dad!
- George: Seat belt! I meant, I meant seat belt.”
Steve Martin - George Banks
Kimberly Williams-Paisley - Annie Banks

“- Neal Page: Excuse me. I know this is your cab, but I'm desperately late for a plane, and I was wondering if I could appeal to your good nature and ask you to let me have it.
- New York Lawyer: I don't have a good nature. Excuse me. Cabbie, come on.”
Steve Martin - Neal Page
Nicholas Wyman - New York Lawyer

“So, I just wait here then?”

Steve Martin - Lucky Day

“Why don't you go back to the vodka bottle you crawled out of?”

Steve Martin - Peter Sanderson

“- Clouseau: The good-cop/bad-cop routine is working perfectly.
- Ponton: You know, usually two different cops do that.”
Steve Martin - Clouseau
Jean Reno - Ponton

“Stop browbeating her! Can't you see she is sexy?”
Steve Martin - Clouseau

“- Peggy Schuyler: By the way, I never liked your dog. And I think jazz is stupid! And I faked all of those orgasms. Ah! Ah! Oh! Yes! Sound familiar?
- Roger Cobb: Yeah? Well I faked mine too!”
Madolyn Smith Osborne - Peggy Schuyler
Steve Martin - Roger Cobb

“- Edwina Cutwater: You know, you don't have to speak out loud. I can hear your thoughts.
- Roger Cobb: Great, just what I've always wanted.”
Lily Tomlin - Edwina Cutwater
Steve Martin - Roger Cobb

“- Bowfinger: I worry about our age difference.
- Daisy: But whose business is it really, if when I hit my sexual peak you'll be 70?”
Steve Martin - Bowfinger
Heather Graham - Daisy

“- Trudi: I'll have a decaf espresso.
- Morris Frost: I'll have a double decaf cappuccino.
- Ted: Give me decaffeinated coffee ice cream.
- Harris K. Telemacher: I'll have a half double decaffeinated half-caf, with a twist of lemon.”
Marilu Henner - Trudi
Sam McMurray - Morris Frost
Tommy Hinkley - Ted
Steve Martin - Harris K. Telemacher