Woody Allen movie quotes

“With the time change, I could be alive for six hours in New York, but dead three hours in Paris. I could get things done and I could also be dead.”
Woody Allen - Joe

“Your cousin May is dumb like a horse, or a dog or something.”
Woody Allen - Ray

“Last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.”
Woody Allen - Cliff Stern

“- Linda Ash: My father's brother was supposed to be a genius. I never met him, but everybody said he was brilliant.
- Lenny Weinrib: Really? What did he do?
- Linda Ash: He was a serial rapist. He spent his whole life in jail, but if he had gone straight, he might have been very good in math.”
Mira Sorvino - Linda Ash
Woody Allen - Lenny

He left a note. He left a simple little note that said "I've gone out the window." This is a major intellectual and he leaves a note that says "I've gone out the window." He's a role-model. You'd think he'd leave a decent note.

Woody Allen - Cliff Stern

“- Mary: I was tired of submerging my identity to a very brilliant, dominating man. He's a genius.
- Isaac: He was a genius, Helen's a genius and Dennis is a genius. You know a lot of geniuses, y'know. You should meet some stupid people once in a while, y'know, you could learn something.”

Diane Keaton - Mary
Woody Allen - Isaac

“- Ellie: You had all the symptoms but not the disease.
- Val: You used to think I was creative and original.
- Ellie: I still do, as a filmmaker. It's when you became creative as a hypochondriac - that was it.”
Téa Leoni - Ellie
Woody Allen - Val

“- Isaac: What does your analyst say? I mean, did you speak to him?
- Mary: Donnie's in a coma, he had a very bad acid experience.”
Woody Allen - Isaac
Diane Keaton - Mary

“I hate her just like I hate that German Chancellor with the moustache.”

Woody Allen - CW Briggs

“- Harry: What did you do?
- Damned Man: I invented aluminum siding.”

Woody Allen - Harry Block
Peter McRobbie - Damned Man

“- Ariel: He taught me a lot...
- Andrew: Like what?
- Ariel: Like how to listen to Mozart.
- Andrew: With your ears, right?”
Mia Farrow - Ariel
Woody Allen - Andrew

“The days before you'll go onstage you gotta look in the mirror and you gotta say your three S's: star, smile, strong!”
Woody Allen - Danny Rose

“- Party Guest: I finally had an orgasm, and my doctor said it was the wrong kind.
- Isaac: You had the wrong kind? I've never had the wrong kind, ever. My worst one was right on the money.”
Tisa Farrow - Party Guest
Woody Allen - Isaac

“I'm not a violence person! I write about boxing and hockey and football!”
Woody Allen - Lenny

“I need a valium the size of a hockey puck.”
Woody Allen - Danny Rose

“These guys are worse than Hare Krishnas!”

Woody Allen - Nick

“- Ray: I get a bad vibe about this guy, David. It's my street instinct, but I just don't trust him.
- May Sloane: Yeah, I know why. Because he's younger than you are, handsomer than you are, he's much taller than you are, he's smarter than you are, he's much more exciting than you are...
- Ray: May, don't feel obligated to pull any punches with...” (continue)(continue reading)
Woody Allen - Ray
Elaine May - May

“- David: I'm talking about Henry James, the author. Yeah? Well, this is where he lived and this is where he worked.
- Ray: Where did he eat? I'm hungry. I don't care where he lived. I want to know where he ate.”
Hugh Grant - David
Woody Allen - Ray

“It's very important to be guilty. I'm guilty all the time and I never did anything.”
Woody Allen - Danny Rose

“- Halley Reed: After all, he is an American phenomenon.
- Cliff Stern: Yeah, but so is acid rain.”
Mia Farrow - Halley Reed
Woody Allen - Cliff Stern

“- Colonel Cutter: I have my orders.
- Princess Bala: Don't you ever think for yourself, Cutter?”
Christopher Walken - Colonel Cutter
Woody Allen - Z

“- Ray: When we first met, there was a sunset just like this. Remember that?
- Frenchy: Yeah. In New Jersey, but in Colombia there was an earthquake.”

Woody Allen - Ray
Tracey Ullman - Frenchy

“- Dorrie: You smell nice.
- Sandy Bates: Yeah?
- Dorrie: That aftershave. It just made my whole childhood come back with a sudden Proustian rush.
- Sandy Bates: Yeah? That's 'cause I'm wearing Proustian Rush by Chanel. It's reduced. I got a vat of it.”
Charlotte Rampling - Dorrie
Woody Allen - Sandy Bates

“- Princess Bala: I've been kidnapped by the village idiot.
- Z: Who's the bigger idiot? The idiot, or the idiot who gets kidnapped by the idiot?”
Sharon Stone - Princess Bala
Woody Allen - Z

“- Halley Reed: He wants to produce something of mine.
- Cliff Stern: Yeah. Your first child.”

Mia Farrow - Halley Reed
Woody Allen - Cliff Stern