Disease quotes

“I wasn't in a coma! ...Alright, I was in a coma, but it wasn't like I was in a coma and goofing off, I was thinking up hilarious new bits the whole time!”
John Turturro - Voice of Monkeybone

“- Joe: I still have a problem. I have a brain cloud.
- Patricia: A brain cloud... what is a brain cloud?
- Joe: It's - well, maybe I should get a second opinion.
- Patricia: You didn't get a second opinion on something called a brain cloud? I mean what are you, a hypochondriac?”
Tom Hanks - Joe
Meg Ryan - Patricia

“Your mother - God bless her soul - didn't believe the old-fashioned ideas about nursing and breast-feeding and all that. Uh-uh. You were fed cheeseburgers as a baby, and look at you. You're as big as a house, you're as strong as a bull, you smell like a cow. Your cholesterol's probably a little high, but they have medicince for that now; you can...” (continue)(continue reading)
Bill Murray - Frank Detorre

“- Eddie Papasano: Let me tell you people something, no matter what happens here today, if you try to close my joint, I 'll sue the ass off you.
- Dr. Don Francis: Doesn't it bother you knowing that the people who have sex in your bath-house are playing Russian roulette?
- Eddie Papasano: Please just cut out this bullshit. We're all in this for...” (continue)(continue reading)

Phil Collins - Eddie Papasano
Matthew Modine - Dr. Don Francis

“I was cured, all right.”
Malcom McDowell - Alex (A Clockwork Orange)

- Christopher "Chris" Wilton: After he lost both his legs, he found Jesus.
- Tom Hewett: Sorry, but it just doesn't seem like a fair trade.

Jonathan Rhys-Meyers - Chris Wilton
Matthew Goode - Tom Hewett

“I'm having a herpes outbreak, right now - but you'd never know it. Thanks, Herpocol!”
Steve Coogan - Dana Marschz

“Just think of AIDS as the guest that won't leave, the one we all hate. But you have to remember: hey! It's still our party.”
Bryan Batt - Darius

“- Katie Coates: There's no hope for him now, Travis. He's suffering. You know we've got to do it.
- Travis Coates: Yes, Mama. But he was my dog. I'll do it.”

Dorothy McGuire - Katie Coates
Tommy Kirk - Travis Coates

“Listen. I don't care what you say. Chlamydia is a soup. It's my opinion. I can have that if I'd like. You don't have to argue. I've seen it on the grocery store shelf. Don't argue with me about it. I don't care if you are a doctor.”
Tim meadows - Leon Phelps

“History is full of very sick people, who suddenly, for no reason at all, get better. And when that happens we call it a miracle. From the moment I met you I knew you were special, and that you might be one of those people. You know I'm tellin' you the truth, don'tcha? You can feel that inside ye, can'tcha? So don't let me down, okay? I'm...” (continue)(continue reading)
Bruce Davison - Dr. Stevens

“- June Ellis: My tumor, I see it giving me certain freedoms I never allowed myself.
- Dr. Jack MacKee: Like being incredibly hostile?
- June Ellis: Like being honest and expecting people around me to do the same.”

Elizabeth Perkins - June Ellis
William Hurt - Dr. Jack MacKee

“- Cynthia: Have you vomited recently?
- Oz Oseransky: A minute ago. I was just gonna brush my teeth.
- Cynthia: I'll wait.”
Natasha Henstridge - Cynthia
Matthew Perry - Oz Oseransky

“Elephantiasis is when something gets bloated and ugly like your ass.”

Ethan Hawke - Ben Crandall

“- Joe Miller: What's wrong with your face?
- Andrew Beckett: [upon entering Joe's office] I have AIDS.”
Denzel Washington - Joe Miller
Tom Hanks - Andrew Beckett

“Although we are constantly exploring the subject, currently there is no direct evidence that links cellphone usage to brain cancer.”
Aaron Eckhart - Nick Naylor

“I knew a guy who was dyslexic, but he was also cross-eyed, so everything came out right.”
Nick Sutton - Tummler

“- Heinrich: There is nothing to fear except God, whatever that means to you.
- Mark: For me, God is a disease.
- Heinrich: That's why through a disease we can reach God.”
Heinz Bennent - Heinrich
Sam Neill - Mark

“- Elliot Richards: You can't give sick people tic tacs!
- The Devil: Sick people have notoriously bad breath, I'm performing a public service here.”
Brendan Fraser - Elliot Richards
Liz Hurley - The Devil

“Paranoia is just reality on a finer scale.”
Michael Wincott - Philo Gant

“Like so many epidemics before, the loss of so many lives began with a single microscopic organism. It's human nature to seek even the smallest comfort in reason, or logic for events as catastrophic as these. But a virus doesn't choose a time or place. It doesn't hate or even care. It just happens.”
Malcom McDowell - Kane

“- Tracy Freeland: Mom, I have to go to the bathroom now!
- Melanie Freeland: Can't you hold it a minute?
- Tracy Freeland: That's how you get a bladder infection, you child abuser.”
Evan Rachel Wood - Tracy Freeland
Holly Hunter - Melanie Freeland

“- Robin Simon: There aren't any ticks around here, are there? I'd hate to get Lyme disease.
- Priest at Catholic Retreat: We haven't had any casualties.”
Judy Davis - Robin Simon
Dylan Baker - Priest at Catholic Retreat

“- Forrest Gump: You could come home with me, to my house in Greenbow, Jenny. You and little Forrest. I'll take care of you if you're sick.
- Jenny Curran: Will you marry me, Forrest?
- Forrest Gump: Okay.”

Tom Hanks - Forrest Gump
Robin Wright - Jenny Curran

“- Ameribanx Bank Manager: What happened to Phil?
- Dick Harper: Necrotizing Fasciitis Caused by an invasive streptococcus.
- Ameribanx Bank Manager: What?
- Dick Harper: Flesh-eating disorder. Its all over the money. Might wanna wash your hands.”
Garrett M. Brown - Ameribanx Bank Manager
Jim Carrey - Dick Harper