Disease quotes

“It was a really tragic story because my husband, Otto, was dyslexic, and the only thing he could spell correctly was his name.”
Elaine May - May

“- Frank: You know, when you were two years old, we thought you had polio. Did you know that?
- Gil: Yeah, Mom said... something about it a couple of years ago.
- Frank: Yeah, well, for a week we didn't know. I hated you for that. I did. I hated having to care, having to go through the pain, the hurt, the suffering. It's not for me.”

Jason Robards - Frank
Steve Martin - Gil

“- Mephistopheles: Thing about cancer is the time it takes... the toll on loved ones. Lives that are altered. Plans that have to be changed. Johnny, what if I could help your dad?
- Young Johnny Blaze: Yeah? How?
- Mephistopheles: How is not important. What if I could make him better? Give him back his health? Would you be willing to make a deal?”
Peter Fonda - Mephistopheles
Matt Long - Young Johnny Blaze

“- Master Tang: I know you seek The Chosen One. And I know what you did to his family.
[begins coughing]
- Master Tang: And now, I'm going to beat you up.
- Master Pain (Betty): Do you need a glass of water, or something? Geez, at least cover your mouth. We're all going to catch it.”
Hui Lou Chen - Master Tang
Fei Lung - Master Pain (Betty)

“- Binx: What are those, uppers or downers?
- Lloyd: They're for asthma, you want one?”

Christian Slater - Binx
Keith Gordon - Lloyd

“Can you believe I conceived him with one testicle? No really, it's true. I only have one because the other one never dropped. It's called an undescending testicle. It's not uncommon. But look at him! Imagine what he would've looked like if I had two!”
Dustin Hoffman - Bernie Focker

“- Amelia Bly: Are you ill?
- The Ghost: No, I'm aging.”
Kim Cattrall - Amelia Bly
Ewan McGregor - The Ghost

“- Wyatt Earp: What's wrong with you?
- Doc Holliday: What is wrong with me? What have you got? I am dying of tuberculosis. I sleep with the nastiest whore in Kansas. Everyone who knows me hates me, and every morning I wake up surprised that I have to spend another day in this piss-hole world.”
Kevin Costner - Wyatt Earp
Dennis Quaid - Doc Holliday

“The stigma... it's a symptom of alien matter infesting the body. When it tries to eliminate it, it overcompensates. Inside our bodies there's a current, like the Lifestream. That current is what fights off any malevolent intruders.”
Shôgo Suzuki - Vincent Valentine

“I'll tell you my approach to medicine! It is a game in which man pits his brains against the forces of destruction and disease.”

Claude Rains - Dr. Alexander Tower

“- Reggie Lass: Just because you're dead doesn't mean that I can't move in with you.
- George Lass: And just because I'm dead doesn't mean I can't have a splitting headache.”
Britt McKillip - Reggie Lass
Ellen Muth - George Lass

“A stroke is God's way of trying to make me shut up... But it didn't work!”
Kirk Douglas - Harry Agensky

“- Fred Haise: It hurts when I urinate.
- Jim Lovell: Well, you're not getting enough water.
- Fred Haise: No, I'm drinkin' my rations, same as you... I think old Swigert gave me the clap. Been pissin' in my relief tube.
- Jim Lovell: Well, that'd be a hot one at the debriefing for the flight surgeons... Another first for America's spacemen.”
Bill Paxton - Fred Haise
Tom Hanks - Jim Lovell

“Remember, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Except for herpes. That shit'll come back with you.”
Jeffrey Tambor - Sid

“I have cancer. You know the kind you eventually get better from?
That ain't the kind I got.”
Matt Frewer - Edgar Jacobi

“- CW Briggs: Hide in the bedroom.
- Betty Ann Fitzgerald: Can I sit down in there or will I catch something?
- CW Briggs: Germs can't live in your blood, it's too cold.”
Woody Allen - CW Briggs
Helen Hunt - Betty Ann Fitzgerald

“Poverty is not the lack of anything, but a positive plague, virulent in itself, contagious as cholera, with filth, criminality, vice and despair as only a few of its symptoms. It is to be stayed away from, even for purposes of study.”

Robert Greig - Sullivan's Butler

“Well, at least it's not herpes. Or do you have that as well?”
Rebel Wilson - Fat Amy

“- Benjy Stone: Mr. Swann, I think I'm going to be unwell.
- Alan Swann: Stone, ladies are unwell. Gentlemen vomit.”
Mark Linn-Baker - Benjy Stone
Peter O'Toole - Alan Swann

“- Jessica Olsson: If she's so nice go and make out with her.
- Elin Olsson: Okay, what do I get if I do?
- Jessica Olsson: If you do what?
- Elin Olsson: If I make out with her.
- Jessica Olsson: You'll get AIDS, probably.”
Erica Carlson - Jessica Olsson
Alexandra Dahlström - Elin Olsson

“- Phil: Aw, Jesus, Bernie. Come on with the smoke. You know the doctor found nicotine in my urine again.
- Bernie White: Then keep your dick out of my ashtray.”
Jack Kehoe - Phil
Robert Duvall - Bernie White

“How did I get it? I mean, it's nothing to do with too much sex, is it?”

Rachel Griffiths - Rhonda Epinstalk

“- Egbert Sousé: Hello, Doc. How are ya? How's business?
- Dr. Stall: Fair, fair. I don't suppose we'll ever get another whooping cough epidemic again.”
W.C. Fields - Egbert Sousé
Harlan Briggs - Dr. Stall

“- Skeeter Bronson: You mind sleeping over? I'm gonna duck out a few hours.
- Mickey: Oh, yeah, yeah. Mmm. By the way, um... I am, uh, legally obliged to tell you that I suffer from... sleep panic disorder.
- Skeeter Bronson: Ok, what's, uh, sleep panic disorder?
- Mickey: Believe me, you don't want to know.”
Adam Sandler - Skeeter Bronson
Russell Brand - Mickey

“When cholera hits the ghettos, and typhoid, your tattoos won't protect you from shitting your guts out until you dry up and die.”
Ben Daniels - Dr. Joseph Bühler