Disease quotes

“- Jack Putter: How do you treat that?
- Dr. Greenbush: Well the medieval remedy was to flay the skin off your body with brands of fire. I have no idea what the current technique is.”

Martin Hayter Short - Jack Putter
William Schallert - Dr. Greenbush

- Isabel Kelly: Look down the road to her wedding. I'm in a room alone with her, fixing her veil, fluffing her dress, telling her no woman has ever looked so beautiful. And my fear is she'll be thinking, "I wish my mom was here”.
- Jackie Harrison: And mine is... she won't.
Julia Roberts - Isabel Kelly
Susan Sarandon - Jackie Harrison

“Let's be real here, you know. What are we doin'? We're not curing cancer, you know? We're playin' a game. That's all it is. It's just a game. So I stopped caring and relaxed. Then I started hitting.”

Wesley Snipes - Bobby Rayburn

“We need to start treating the patient as well as the disease.”
Robin Williams - Patch Adams

“All of these nuts could just make phone calls, they could spread insanity, oozing through telephone cables, oozing into the ears of all these poor sane people, infecting them. Wackos everywhere, plague of madness.”
Brad Pitt - Jeffrey Goines

“Condoms are in fashion again because of disease. Nowadays you have to boil people before you can sleep with them.”
John Travolta - Paul Brenner

“You know, you don't have any intestinal fortitude.”

Ron Fazio - The Toxic Avenger

“I can bite. I have rabies, but I can only do so much.”
Michael Rapaport - Joey the Raccoon

“- Scientist: In order to cure. You must understand.
- Activist: Infected with what?
- Scientist: Rage.”
David Schneider - Scientist
Alex Palmer - Activist

“- Rusty Griswold: Ya' got Asteroids?
- Cousin Dale: Naw, but my dad does. Can't even sit on the toilet some days.”
Anthony Michael Hall - Rusty Griswold
John P. Navin Jr. - Cousin Dale

“- Janey Briggs: It was raining really hard that night, the roads were... slippery.
- Jake Wyler: Janey... a car accident.
- Janey Briggs: No. Cancer.”

Chyler Leigh - Janey Briggs
Chris Evans - Jake Wyler

“He threw a bucket of freezing water on our Tim, that's what he did! No wonder the poor child's pneumonia is back.”

Juliet Stevenson - Mrs. Cratchit

“- Scott Howard: Listen, Stiles. Do you know anything about a rash that's going around?
- Stiles: Why, you looking to catch something?
- Scott Howard: No, I'm serious.
- Stiles: No... but I heard Mr. Murphy, you know, the shop teacher?
- Scott Howard: Yeah?
- Stiles: Got his dick caught in a vacuum cleaner.”
Michael J. Fox - Scott Howard
Jerry Levine - Stiles

“- Mary Poppins: I beg your pardon, are you ill?
- George Banks: I hope not.”
Julie Andrews - Mary Poppins
David Tomlinson - Mr. Banks

“- Candy Kirkendall: What do you mean you don't take bubble baths?
- Darlene Dodd: 'Cuz my pooter infection stings worse than a swarm of bees.”
Charlize Theron - Candy Kirkendall
Natasha Richardson - Darlene Dodd

- Jenna Reed: I've been the director of the "Dream Come True" foundations since October.
- Joe Cooper: The ones that grant wishes to sick a dying kids, right?
- Jenna Reed: Oh, well we like to think of them as health challenged and survival impaired.
Yasmine Bleeth - Jenna Reed
Trey Parker

“- Superman: Uh, you really shouldn't smoke, you know, Miss Lane.
- Lois Lane: Don't tell me. Lung cancer, right?
- Superman: Well, not yet, thank goodness.”
Christopher Reeve - Superman
Margot Kidder - Lois Lane

“It's amazing to me that Americans can think a disease has a sexual preference. But that's all Americans think of... Sex. Sex. Sex.”
Patrick Bauchau - Dr. Luc Montagnier

“Mandatory AIDS testing for all government employees. I guess that means you, Buckner. I wouldn't worry though, you look like a practitioner of safe sex. As a matter of fact, you look like a practitioner of no sex.”
Dennis Hopper - Huey Walker

“- Ellie: You had all the symptoms but not the disease.
- Val: You used to think I was creative and original.
- Ellie: I still do, as a filmmaker. It's when you became creative as a hypochondriac - that was it.”
Téa Leoni - Ellie
Woody Allen - Val

“- Michael Corleone: I feel... I'm getting wiser now.
- Kay Adams Michelson: The sicker you get, the wiser you get, huh?
- Michael Corleone: When I'm dead, I'm gonna be really smart.”
Al Pacino - Michael Corleone
Diane Keaton - Kay Adams Michelson

“That's a pretty stupid thing to do during Flu season!”

Macaulay Culkin - Miles Russell

“My aunt Millie took a vow of chastity. She had headaches all the time.”
Dom DeLuise - Victor Prinzim

“- Bob Wiley: You ever hear of Tourette's syndrome? Involuntarily shouting profanity?
- Dr. Leo Marvin: It's exceptionally rare.
- Bob Wiley: Shit-eating son-of-a-bitch! Bastard, douche-bag, twat, numb-nuts, dickhead, bitch!
- Dr. Leo Marvin: Why exactly are you doing this?
- Bob Wiley: If I fake it, then I don't have it.”
Bill Murray - Bob Wiley
Richard Stephen Dreyfuss - Dr. Leo Marvin

“- David Dunn: Don't you think that's kind of weird, not remembering one cold or a fever or a sore throat? What do you think it means?
- Audrey Dunn: Um... I think it means probably too tired to remember.”
Bruce Willis - David Dunn
Robin Wright - Audrey Dunn