Divorce quotes

“- Piper: I want half.
- Dodge: Half. Fuck you, this isn't divorce.”

Laurence Fishburne - Piper
Stephen Baldwin - Dodge

“- Carolyn Burnham: Don't you mess with me, mister, or I'll divorce you so fast it'll make your head spin!
- Lester Burnham: On what grounds? I'm not a drunk, I don't fuck other women, I don't mistreat you, I've never hit you... I don't even try to touch you since you've made it so abundantly clear just how unnecessary you consider me to be! But...” (continue)(continue reading)
Annette Bening - Carolyn Burnham
Kevin Spacey - Lester Burnham

“- John Harris, Sr.: Oh by the way, I'm coming to pick up my kids on Saturday.
- Bernadine Harris: Yeah? If I hear you had 'em anywhere near that tramp bitch, you're gonna regret it for the rest of your life!”
Michael Beach - John Harris, Sr.
Angela Bassett - Bernadine Harris

“Divorce is an abomination. Marriage is for life.”
Rhoda Griffis - Five and Dime Manager

“- Dalai Lama, 14 Years Old: Don't you have friends and family there?
- Heinrich Harrer: A few friends, no family. Keep the light steady, your Holiness.
- Dalai Lama, 14 Years Old: Why? Is everyone dead?
- Heinrich Harrer: Do you know there's another way a sentence can be constructed than a question? I was married but I'm divorced.”
Jamyang Jamtsho Wangchuk - Dalai Lama, 14 Years Old
Brad Pitt - Heinrich Harrer

“- Sara McDowel: Why didn't you tell me you had just broke up with someone?
- Harris K. Telemacher: How do you know I just broke up with someone?
- Sara McDowel: Because when men just break up with someone, they always run around with someone much too young for them.
- Harris K. Telemacher: She's not so young. She'll be 27 in four years.”
Victoria Tennant - Sara McDowel
Steve Martin - Harris K. Telemacher

“- Daniel Rafferty: I don't believe in divorce.
- Audrey Woods: But you're a divorce lawyer!
- Daniel Rafferty: It's a job.”
Pierce Brosnan - Daniel Rafferty
Julianne Moore - Audrey Woods

“Does he think he just did something here? Shit. I could have had a V-8.”
Lela Rochon - Robin Stokes

“- Party Woman: Libby, this is Natalie Standish. Natalie is Reed's... Oh, is it alright to...
- Natalie Standish: Say that Reed got me pregnant when I was a barhop at your country club? Married me to avoid scandal? Spent the next ten years sucking the life out of me? Got bored with me, dumped me, and screwed me in court? Sure, go ahead.
- Party...” (continue)(continue reading)
Shelby Leverington - Party Woman
JoBeth Williams - Natalie Standish

“I've been married and divorced since I saw you last. Twice.”

Karen Black - Karen

Here are your books. Uh, "The Complete Idiots Guide to Surviving Divorce", "The Divorce Workbook" and, of course, "How Come nobody loves me?".

Ellen Lee DeGeneres - Janet Hall

“- Gwen Harrison: Oh, my God! He's gonna jump!
- Lee Phillips: He's not gonna jump.
- Gwen Harrison: I said I was going to give him the divorce papers.
- Lee Phillips: Shit, he's gonna jump!”

Catherine Zeta-Jones - Gwen Harrison
Billy Crystal - Lee Phillips

Right now everything is great, everyone is happy, everyone is in love and that is wonderful. But you gotta know that sooner or later you're gonna be screaming at each other about who's gonna get this dish. This eight dollar dish will cost you a thousand dollars in phone calls to the legal firm of "That's mine, this is yours".
Billy Crystal - Harry Burns

“Let me make an honest woman of you. Divorce me!”

David O'Hara - Sean Kelly

“I want a divorce, and you will get one for me.”

Jonathan Rhys-Meyers - King Henry VIII

“- Sam Dodsworth: You want to divorce me then?
- Fran Dodsworth: Why should I want to divorce you? You're my husband.
- Sam Dodsworth: You couldn't very well divorce me if I weren't.”
Walter Huston - Sam Dodsworth
Ruth Chatterton - Fran Dodsworth

“Our divorce was one of those tragedies that you read about in the papers - a trusting woman and a worthless man. I was never good enough for Lucy, and well, finally she found it out.”
Cary Grant - Jerry Warriner

“My wife filed for divorce this afternoon. We just have different ways to deal with our son's death. Until death do us part.”
Raymond J. Barry - Earl Delacroix

I saw an ad in the paper. "No-fault divorce. Two week divorce without a lawyer". Made me sick to my stomach. No-fault divorce!
George Clooney - Miles

“- Dave: They're splitting up? Marty and Leslie?
- Donny: After eleven years!
- Vic Damico: Just goes to show you, you're never safe. Eleven years, busting his ass, bringing home the paycheck for what? He must have done something really terrible, like leave the cap off the toothpaste.
- Donny: Actually, he was sleeping with his secretary.”
Matthew Modine - Dave
Paul Reiser - Donny
Randy Quaid - Vic Damico

“- Sheila Kingston: Maybe if you spiced up your sex life a little you wouldn't be divorced.
- Fred Lavery: What do you mean? I spiced it up plenty. Many's the time I let the wife get on top.”
Rosie O'Donnell - Sheila
Dan Aykroyd - Fred

- Céline: Did your parents divorce?
- Jesse: Yeah. Finally. They should have done it a lot sooner, but they stuck together for a while for the "well-being of my sister and I", thank you very much.
Julie Delpy - Céline
Ethan Hawke - Jesse

“- Ron Burgundy: Hey Garth. How's the divorce?
- Garth Holliday: Oh, not so good... I'll probably never see my kids again.
- Ron Burgundy: [interrupts, not listening] Fantastic!”
Will Ferrell - Ron Burgundy
Chris Parnell - Garth Holliday

“- Pastor Skip: Divorce is not part of God's plan.
- Patrick: Dad, you need to think of a new plan.”

Martin Donovan - Pastor Skip
Patrick Fugit - Patrick

“- Larry: Iris, how old are you?
- Iris: Thirty.
- Larry: And you've had six husbands?
- Iris: That's a lot, isn't it?
- Larry: No, no, not really. When you think about it, it's just one every five years.”
Steve Martin - Larry
Judith Ivey - Iris