Divorce quotes

“A divorcee is a women who got married so she didn't have to work, but now works so she doesn't have to get married.”
Anna Magnani

“You do this for me, and I give you your divorce. And if you don't do this for me, I swear I'll make your life so damn miserable it will make these past few years look like a pleasure cruise.”

Rosanna Arquette - Sophie

“I wouldn't go on living with you if you were dipped in platinum. So go on, divorce me. Go on, divorce me! It'll be a pleasure.”

Irene Dunne - Lucy Warriner

“First divorce: wife's hidden sexuality, not my fault. Second divorce: said the wrong name at the altar, kind of my fault. Third divorce: they shouldn't let you get married when you're that drunk and have stuff drawn all over your face, Nevada's fault.”
David Schwimmer - Dr. Ross Geller

“- T.J. Krupp: My dad treats my mom like dirt.
- Matt Finley: And my dad's coming up on his second year with Louise.
- Gregory Alan 'Grover' Beindorf: So?
- Matt Finley: So he always divorces in his second year, you know that, it's like clockwork.”
Herbert Russell - T.J. Krupp
Mooky Arizona - Matt Finley
Kyle Howard - Gregory Alan 'Grover' Beindorf

“You lived with him when he was nothing, you suffered his youth and the years of struggle, now you're entitled to half of everything he has.”

Kelly Lynch - Grey Allison

Let's just think of the day my parents divorce went through as "Big Ugly Hat Day".
Mandy Moore - Halley Martin

“I better have my lawyer take a look at these. I'm just a simple country boy. There's all kinds of big words in here I can't even pronounce. Hell, you might be takin' me to the cleaners for all I know.”

Josh Lucas - Jake Perry

- Joe: You were impossible to live with.
- Steffi: "I was impossible to live with", I love this. You couldn't figure out whether you wanted to be a psychoanalyst or a writer!
- Joe: So I compromised, I became a writer and a patient.

Woody Allen - Joe
Goldie Hawn - Steffi

“- Uncle Jesse Duke: Why are divorces so expensive?
- Luke Duke: Why?
- Uncle Jesse Duke: 'Cause they're worth it!”
Willie Nelson - Uncle Jesse Duke
Johnny Knoxville - Luke Duke

“- Ted: I can't believe Missy divorced your Dad, and married mine.
- Bill: Shut up, Ted.”
Keanu Reeves - Ted
Alex Winter - Bill

“- Suzie: What if I divorce you?
- Artie: Artie, that's the only decision I'll leave up to you.”
Jeanie Drynan - Suzie
Bruce Venables - Artie

“- Ken: I do divorce mainly, some property, some personal injury.
- Martin Q. Blank: They all seem kinda related.”
Carlos Jacott - Ken
John Cusack - Martin Q. Blank

“Seriously, why do people bother getting married, if they're just gonna divorce?”

Christopher Gray - Toby

“- Oliver Rose: You weren't even multi-orgasmic before you met me, were you?
- Barbara Rose: You really expect me to keep on reassuring you sexually even now when we disgust each other?”
Michael Douglas - Oliver Rose
Kathleen Turner - Barbara Rose

“My mother believed in love at first sight with Dad, with her second husband, and her third.”
Saffron Burrows - Melissa Morrison

“- Sam: You're not my brother anymore!
- Josh: What?
- Sam: I just decided it, the same way dad isn't mom's husband anymore.
- Josh: You must be dumber than dad's stepsons, you can't divorce me!”
Noah Fleiss - Sam
Jacob Tierney - Josh

“Consider that a divorce.”

Arnold Schwarzenegger - Douglas Quaid

“You've found yourself this new family and I feel like some outsider that doesn't even belong to you anymore. It's like you traded me and mom in for something that you thought was better. And I wanna know why. Are you ashamed of me? Are you embarrassed? What did I do wrong? You just seem so happy about being Paul and Chris's dad, but you never...” (continue)(continue reading)

America Ferrera - Carmen

“- Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: Dolores, I am making a citizen's divorce.
- Dolores: What?
- Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr: By the powers vested in me, I hereby declare our marriage null and void! E pluribus unum!”
Steve Martin - Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr
Kathleen Turner - Dolores Benedict

“- Bridget Jones: Tell me, is it one in four marriages that end in divorce these days, or one in three?
- Mark Darcy: One in three.”

Renee Zellweger - Bridget Jones

“Mom, is it possible that you're taking the frustration of your failed marriage out on me?This California trip seems like a great learning opportunity and a chance for me to get to know my father. But if you think it's more important to use me to channel your frustration against the man you no longer love, I'll understand.”
Cameron Bright - Joey Naylor

- Erik: Why can't I go see dad?
- Gail: Well, call him. If he says "yes", I'll put you on the next plane. You know, you and his little friend Cindy could go to the movies and get in for half price.
- Erik: She's 23, mom.
- Gail: Oh, amazing. Old enough to drink.
- Erik: Yeah, but she doesn't.
Brad Renfro - Erik
Diana Scarwid - Gail

“Well, you must be Jake's hot date. I'm Melanie, Jake's snotty Yankee bitch wife whom he refuses to divorce even though I'm engaged to another man.”
Reese Witherspoon - Melanie Smooter

“I been savin' this money for a divorce, if ever I got a husband.”
Lillian Randolph - Annie