Genitalia quotes

- Howard Stern: I'm afraid you can't say "big cock" on the air. That's a no-no.
- Robin Quivers: But I just said "pussy".
- Jackie Martling: Yeah, she just said pussy!
- Howard Stern: Well, pussy's okay. It's the way you say it. "Big cock" coming out of your mouth is, just not good.
Howard Stern - Himself
Robin Quivers - Herself
Jackie Martling - Herself

“- Andrew: That drag queen is amazing, huh Billy? He totally looks like a woman.
- Billy: Ok, I need to know that his penis is large enough to sustain this relationship.”
Christopher Bradley - Andrew
Sean Hayes - Billy Collier

“Vagina. Nice place. Wouldn't want to live there.”
Joe Tucker - Adrian

“People who talk in metaphors oughta shampoo my crotch.”
Jack Nicholson - Melvin Udall

“If your memory was as long as your dick, you'd be in good shape.”
David Paymer - Marty Rossen

“Kyle, I didn't know you was uncircumcised. Yo, Your dick looks like an anteater.”
Marlon Wayans - Bugaloo

“- Jim McAllister: There's one more thing about Tracy I think you should know.
- Dave Novotny: Her pussy gets so wet you can't believe it.”
Matthew Broderick - Jim McAllister
Mark Harelik - Dave Novotny

“- Jimmie Shannon: Just give me the damn symbolic vaginas.
- Marco: You are sick!”
Chris O'Donnell - Jimmie Shannon
Artie Lange - Marco

“I just felt your balls, so I know why she needs her own.”

Sir Michael Gambon - Don Faranzano

“- Eric Bates: What do you do with... your thing?
- Jack Brown: Is this a hypothetical question or is there a lady involved?”
Scott Schwartz - Eric Bates
Richard Pryor - Jack Brown

“- Dr. Ben Sobel: Let me get this straight: You flew all the way down to Miami and kidnapped me from my hotel room in the middle of the night just because you couldn't get an erection?
- Paul Vitti: Don't that prove I'm motivated?
- Dr. Ben Sobel: You know, you can take a pill for that.”
Billy Crystal - Dr. Ben Sobel
Robert De Niro - Paul Vitti

“Let me tell ya something. This is the size of his dick baby, I'm talking about my nail, I'm talking about the pinky part. Feels like he's poking me with a coffee stirrer!”

“You will soon take a giant 12-inch cock up your ass. In bed. I don't know, somehow... it didn't make mine any funnier.”

Sarah Polley - Harper Sloane

“- Bridget Gregory: Is it true what they say?
- Harlan: What?
- Bridget Gregory: You know, size?
- Harlan: Is it true what they say about white women?
- Bridget Gregory: What's that?
- Harlan: No ass.”
Linda Fiorentino - Bridget Gregory
Bill Nunn - Harlan

“How can I put this delicately? It's just that I'm not really in the vagina business.”

Stephen Fry - Peter Morton

“- Joey: Hey, Teddy! Teddy! Wait a minute. Come here a sec. Look, really, in all seriousness: don't get your dick caught in your zipper.
- Buddy: You got no taste!
- Joey: Taste! Who wants taste? What the hell am I, Charlie the Tuna? Get outta here! Let's go get some action.”
Joseph Bologna - Joey
Charles Grodin - Buddy

“You will cooperate, or I'll blow your brains out.”

Billy Barty - Otto Kriegling

“Any guy would need a hunk of plastic, probably battery operated to get a reaction out of you in bed.”

Brad Dourif - Chucky

“- Man in Train Station Bathroom: It's an honor, sir.
- President Matt Douglas: I can't shake right now. Have to keep my hands on the First Penis.”
Steve Carlisle - Man in Train Station Bathroom
James Garner - President Matt Douglas

“Attention pussy shoppers! Take advantage of our penny pussy sale! If you buy one piece of pussy at the regular price, you get another piece of pussy of equal or lesser value for only a penny! Try and beat pussy for a penny! If you can find cheaper pussy anywhere else, fuck it!”
Cheech Marin - Chet Pussy

“I like you, Lois. You're like a man. You think with your nuts.”
Dylan Baker - Jonathan Bendel

- Angelica Chaste: Seems mine is bigger than yours.
- Stevie "The Rose" Rosellini: Size doesn't matter.
- Angelica Chaste: Oh, yes it does.
- Stevie "The Rose" Rosellini: You mean those girls have been lying to me all those years?

Sheryl Lee - Angelica Chaste
Jim Belushi - Stevie "The Rose" Rosellini

“- Jay 'Chef' Hicks: Why do all you guys sit on your helmets?
- Soldier: So we don't get our balls blown off.”

Frederic Forrest - Jay 'Chef' Hicks
Evan A. Lottman - Soldier

“This is a '70s porno. You know how I can tell? Because the guy's dick has sideburns.”
Adam Sandler - Moses

“Nipples like bone buttons. An instep like a half open book. A navel like the inside of a shell. A belly like an upturned saucer. A penis like a sea slug or a pickled cucumber.”
Vivian Wu - Nagiko