Humor quotes

“- Ma: He's on the other side of this wall.
- Jack: What other side?
- Ma: Jack, there's two sides to everything.
- Jack: Not on an octagon.”

Brie Larson - Ma
Jacob Tremblay - Jack

“It's not too often that you rob a place and then you get welcomed back.”
Michael Peña - Luis

“Was your head shaped like an egg before she hit you?”
Dan Aykroyd - Dr. Keats

“- Les: So you got any New Year resolutions, Princess Di?
- Diane: Yes.
- Les: What are they?
- Diane: To stop dating my dealer.
- Les: Now why would you do that? With me you get the whole package: sex and drugs.”
Ethan Hawke - Les
Emily Mortimer - Diane

“Old McWalter had a farm and on that farm he had a kid with squishy, puffy cheeks.”
Pauly Shore - Crawl

“- Sid: I'm begging you. I need him.
- Manny: What, a good-looking guy like you?
- Sid: Aw, you say that, but you don't mean it.
- Manny: No, seriously, look at you. Aw, those ladies, they don't stand a chance.
- Sid: You have a very cruel sense of humor.”

John Leguizamo - Sid
Ray Romano - Manny

“- Captain Robinson: What are you looking for?
- Tobin: The windows.
- Captain Robinson: The what?
- Tobin: Well, the lads said I should give the windows a clean before we head out, but I can't find any.
- Captain Robinson: It's a submarine. There are no windows. What's the broom for?
- Tobin: There's no chimney, is there?”
Jude Law - Robinson
Bobby Schofield - Tobin

“You want to join the mile high club?”

Kirsten Dunst - Nicole oakley

“- Olive: Can you not see that I'm a mess?
- Rosemary: No, you're not, Olive. You're wonderful. And you'll handle this the same way I did. With an incontrovertible sense of humor. But you're much smarter than I am, so you'll come out of this much better than I did.
- Olive: Thank you, Mom.”

Emma Stone - Olive
Patricia Clarkson - Rosemary

“The great comedians imitate children. That's their ability.”
Hal Roach

“No comic can be great in films without two things — a great story which gives you a character to play, and a great director.”
Jack Benny

“Nunchuks Giganticus!”

Noel Fisher - Michelangelo

“You have no sense of humor, like a chair, or a supermodel.”

Nick Kroll - Professor Poopypants

“A pro never forgets his good lines.”
Burgess Meredith - Ben Greene

- Jess: Will you be my boyfriend? Just for a minute. You're not a serial killer, are you?
- Nicky: That depends. How many times does it take to get to "serial"?
Margot Robbie - Jess
Will Smith - Nicky

“Payback's a bitch and her stripper name is Karma.”
James Badge Dale - Tyrone 'Rone' Woods

“- Cooper: Humor, seventy-five percent.
- TARS: Confirmed. Self destruct sequence in T minus 10, 9...
- Cooper: Let's make that sixty percent.
- TARS: Sixty percent, confirmed. Knock knock.
- Cooper: You want fifty-five?”

Matthew McConaughey - Cooper
Bill Irwin - TARS

“Halloween parade, bro! it's the one night of the year we can fit in...”
Noel Fisher - Michelangelo

“Set your watch, Brandt. Ethan Hunt's living his last days as a free man.”
Alec Baldwin - Alan Hunley

“- Tracy: Everyone's really excited about the frozen yogurt machine in the student center.
- Brooke: I watched my mother die.
- Tracy: What?
- Brooke: I was with my mother while she died.
- Tracy: I don't know any dead people.
- Brooke: That's cool about the frozen yogurt machine. Everyone I love dies.”

Lola Kirke - Tracy
Greta Gerwig - Brooke

“- Ma: Jack, the world is so big. It's so big, you wouldn't believe it. And room is just one stinky part of it.
- Jack: Room's not stinky, only when you do a fart!”

Brie Larson - Ma
Jacob Tremblay - Jack

“Papertigers don't shoot back!”
Kellan Lutz - Harry Turner

“- Mr. Bradley: [entering the pub] Is Master Gregory here?
- Barkeep: Partially.”

Kit Harington - Mr. Bradley
Ryan Robbins - Barkeep

“- Frank Walker: Yeah?
- Athena: You want to know why you could never make me laugh?
- Frank Walker: Why?
- Athena: Because you're not funny.”

George Clooney - Frank Walker
Raffey Cassidy - Athena

“Everybody thinks they have good taste and a sense of humor but they couldn't possibly all have good taste.”
Bruno Kirby - Jess