Humor quotes

“- Dr. Richard Appleby: You actually see a connection between a nosebleed and a house falling?
- John Garrett: Yeah, they're both dead. That seems to happen a lot around here, did you notice that?
- Dr. Richard Appleby: I don't appreciate your humor.”
Ed Grady - Dr. Richard Appleby
Terence Knox - John Garrett

“- Alex Rosen: I never understood how you hooked up with a cow like that.
- Luke Wright: It was never about her looks, it was her sense of humor.
- Alex Rosen: She's not so funny now, is she?
- Luke Wright: No, she's not. Neither am I.”

Anson Mount - Alex Rosen
Jason Statham - Luke Wright

“I'm Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs! Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs!”

Paul Dano - Young Brian

“Colombian humor is very black, very sarcastic.”
Barbet Schroeder

“I love funny women. I love writing funny women characters.”
Michael Patrick King

“I think that comedy can act like an anesthetic.”
Paul Weitz

“- Evelyn Couch: Ed... If I'd answered the door wearing only cellophane, would you still be watching the baseball game?
- Ed Couch: No, honey, I'd probably be checking you into a loony bin.”
Kathy Bates - Evelyn Couch
Gailard Sartain - Ed Couch

“- Celeste: Don't mind him. It's called gallows humour.
- Sam: Yeah, but is it funny?
- Oscar: Only if you're in love and waiting to die. My name's Oscar, this is my wife Celeste. I've got cancer, she's got AIDS.”
Lin Shaye - Celeste
Adam Horovitz - Sam
Bill Cobbs - Oscar

“- Mr. McPhee: Let's all laugh at me, the comedy night guard. No is the answer. Sarcasm back at you, with your humor box. I wasn't laughing. I was pretending to laugh, if that's what you want, some sort of battle of humor. Do you?
- Larry: No, I don't want to get into a battle of humor.
- Mr. McPhee: No, you don't, because it would be a...” (continue)(continue reading)
Ricky Gervais - Dr. McPhee
Ben Stiller - Larry Daley

“- Annette: I can't stand it! I'm losing my mind! Everywhere I look, there are heads!
- Tommy Spinelli: Shut up lady, Jesus Christ! You're not the only person on the planet with problems, OK? Shut it! Jesus, what a head case.
- Fern: Is that supposed to be a joke? Killer humor?”
Dyan Cannon - Annette Bennett
Joe Pesci - Tommy
Ernestine Mercer - Fern

“- Fairchild: Marry me. Marry me for my money. People do it every day.
- Joanna: I'm not amused, Thomas, and I have a great sense of humor.
- Fairchild: Then marry me for love.”
John Wood - Fairchild
Elizabeth Franz - Joanna

“I gotta go to the John, I'll be right back. Gonna introduce Mr. Thick Dick to Mr. Urinal Cake!”
Dan Aykroyd - Roman Craig

“- Brian O'Connor: Man, when did you start eating so much?
- Roman: I was in jail, breh. I know how shitty the grub is on the inside. With the way things are shaping up out here right now, it'll be a matter of time before I'm back in there, or dead. So I'm trying to eat all I can, while I can. Plus, the doctor tell me I got a high metabolism.”
Paul William Walker IV - Brian O'Conner
Tyrese Gibson - Roman Pearce

“- Coop: You're getting some serious shit for that. Cops are gonna be all over us.
- Gil Renard: Boy, all of a sudden you lost your sense of humor.”

Charles Hallahan - Coop
Robert De Niro - Gil Renard

“- Lonnie: I love your sense of humor.
- Zach: And it loves you.”
Raye Hollitt - Lonnie
John Ritter - Zach

“I feel so lesbian now.”

Rob Schneider - Jessica

“Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.”
Robert Charles Benchley

“Gags die, humor doesn't.”
Jack Benny

“I better get to the little girlsroom before I soak my panties. By that I mean, my girlfriends panties... which I carry with me.... To pee in... In case I dont make it in time, to the bathroom. What, you dont pee in your girlfriends panties? What kind of gay club is this? Hey everybody, check this guy out! not peeing in his girlfriends panties.”

Rob Schneider - Jessica

“The newspapers pounced on him, made him a target for their feeble humor. I was smarter than the rest of them: I got closer to him, so I could laugh louder.”

Jean Arthur - Babe Bennett

“I feel like ham and shit.”
Judd Hirsch - Al Menetti

“- Nick Pirandello: You've got a sense of humor Bob... I like that in a man.
- Bob Wilson: What do you like in a woman?
- Nick Pirandello: Big tits.”
Jim Belushi - Nick Pirandello
John Ritter - Bob Wilson

“- Highway: What are you smiling at shit-bird?
- Jones: Man, I knew you were Santa Claus.
- Highway: Yeah? Well if you ever pull another suckhead play like that the only thing that's gonna beat you to the brig are the headlights of the ambulance your on.”

Clint Eastwood - Highway
Mario Van Peebles - Stitch

“- Llewelyn Moss: What's this guy supposed to be, the ultimate badass?
- Carson Wells: No, I wouldn't describe him as that.
- Llewelyn Moss: How would you describe him?
- Carson Wells: I guess I would say he doesn't have a sense of humor. His name is Chigurh.”
Josh Brolin - Llewelyn Moss
Woody Harrelson - Carson Wells

“Are you trying to develop a sense of humor or am I going deaf?”

Harrison Ford - Indiana Jones