Humor quotes

“- Clemmie: Let them see your true qualities, your lack of vanity.
- Winston Churchill: My poor judgment and my lying will.
- Clemmie: Your sense of humor.
- Winston Churchill: Ho, ho, ho.”
Kristin A. Scott Thomas - Clemmie
Gary Leonard Oldman - Winston Churchill

“- Kris 'Tanto' Paronto: [Smiles] Hope God has a sense of humor.
- Dave 'Boon' Benton: [Nods] Yeah.
- Kris 'Tanto' Paronto: I guess we'll find out soon enough.”
Pablo Schreiber - Kris 'Tanto' Paronto
David Denman - Dave 'Boon' Benton

“- Comic: So first, we need a historical event. Who's got an event?
- Ted: 9/11!
- Comic: Oh oh, okay. Okay, maybe something else. Uh, let's start with a person.
-John: Robin Williams!
- Comic: Okay, alright. For real, guys, for real. Who's got a person?
- Ted: Robin Williams on 9/11!”
Steve Callaghan - Comic
Seth MacFarlane - Ted
Mark Wahlberg - John Bennett

“I can see your gun, unless you're so extreme that you have a second dick coming out of your hip!”
Melissa McCarthy - Susan Cooper

“- Diana: It's not politics to talk about eye operations.
- Mrs. Kehoe: It is if the eyes belong to a politician.”
Eve Macklin - Diana
Julie Walters - Mrs. Kehoe

“- Samuel: Still hung over?
- Tristan: Still drunk!”
Henry Thomas - Samuel Ludlow
Brad Pitt - Tristan Ludlow

“This is Leonardo! He's our fearless leader! Raphael's like a cuddly teddy bear... if big cuddly teddy bears were incredibly violent. Donatello, he's a technical genius. And I'm Michelangelo! I'm a triple threat: brains, brawn and a dazzling personality!”
Noel Fisher - Michelangelo

“- Sam Brenner: Did you play 'Space Invaders' recently?
- Ludlow Lamonsoff: Yes. How did you know? Why?
- Sam Brenner: Cuz you're invading my space. Back off.”
Adam Sandler - Brenner
Josh Gad - Ludlow

“- Genesis: Knock, knock.
- Bell: Who's there?
- Genesis: Cheating Evan.
- Bell: Cheating Evan who?
- Genesis: Cheating Evan-tually gets you killed.”
Ana de Armas - Bell
Lorenza Izzo - Genesis

“- Boone: I'm actually starting to miss my wife's cooking.
- Stubby Bill: Shit, I'm actually startin' to miss your wife.”
Christopher Rosamond - Boone
Joshua Burge - Stubby Bill

“- Joy: C'mon! Think positive!
- Sadness: Okay...
- Sadness: ... I'm positive that you'll get lost in there!”

Amy Poehler - Joy
Phyllis Smith - Sadness

“I robbed a thief! How can you not see the humor in that?”

Danny DeVito - Max Fairbanks

“Try doing that with an iPad.”

Sir Michael Caine - Dolan 36th

“- Mark Watney: Well, you will be happy to hear that in Grid Section 14-28, the particles were predominately coarse but in 29, they're much finer and they should be ideal for chem analysis.
- Rick Martinez: Oh, wow. Did everybody hear that? Mark just discovered dirt. Should we alert the media?”
Matt Damon - Mark Watnay

“What's wrong with death sir? What are we so mortally afraid of? Why can't we treat death with a certain amount of humanity and dignity, and decency, and God forbid, maybe even humor.”
Robin Williams - Patch Adams

“Mars will come to fear my botany powers.”
Matt Damon - Mark Watnay

“- Darnell Lewis: Let's see your mad dog face!
- [King bursts into tears]
- Darnell Lewis: What are you doing, James?
- James King: Sad Dog. I think that's a strategy that could work, don't sexually harass me I'm already sad...”
Kevin Hart - Darnell
Will Ferrell - James

“- Uriah: Where's your scary boyfriend?
- Tris: Probably off doing scary boyfriend things.”
Keiynan Lonsdale - Uriah
Shailene Woodley - Tris

“- Nick Wilde: Hey, Flash, wanna hear a joke?
- Judy Hopps: No!
- Flash: Sure.
- Nick Wilde: Ok. What do you call a three-humped camel?
- Flash: I don't... know. What... do... you... call... a... three-humped... camel?
- Nick Wilde: Pregnant!”
Jason Bateman - Nick Wilde
Ginnifer Goodwin - Judy Hopps
Raymond S. Persi - Flash

“- Bill: How's it going, royal ugly dudes? I am the Earl of Preston!
- Ted: And I am the Duke of Ted!
- Henry VII: Put them in the iron maiden.
- Ted: Iron Maiden?
- Bill and Ted: Excellent!
- Henry VII: Execute them!
- Bill and Ted: Bogus!”

Alex Winter - Bill S. Preston
Keanu Reeves - Ted 'Theodore' Logan

- Cyrus Kinnick: Safety means much to me. I checked under every synonym for safety, but there was no 'Nick Wild'.
- Nick Wild: Well, you should have tried between "chapels" and "charm schools."
Michael Angarano - Cyrus Kinnick
Jason Statham - Nick Wild

“Frederick Gray! What a surprise. And in distinguished company, all wearing gas masks. You must excuse me, gentlemen, not being English, I sometimes find your sense of humor rather difficult to follow!”
Michael Lonsdale - Hugo Drax

“- Lucia Sciarra: If you don't leave now, we'll die together.
- James Bond: I can think of worse ways to go.
- Lucia Sciarra: Then you're obviously crazy, Mr...
- James Bond: Bond. James Bond.”
Monica Bellucci - Lucia
Daniel Craig - James Bond

“- Oberhauser: Think about it: so many years up there, alone, silent, building momentum until it chose to make its mark on Earth. A huge unstoppable force.
- James Bond: Except it did stop, didn't it? Right here.”

Christoph Waltz - Oberhauser
Daniel Craig - James Bond

“- Mitchell Garabedian: I'm Armenian. How many Armenians do you know in Boston?
- Mike Rezendes: Steve Kurkjian, works at the Globe...
- Mitchell Garabedian: Oh. That's two. You should get a prize or something.”
Stanley Tucci - Mitchell Garabedian
Mark Ruffalo - Mike Rezendes