Marriage quotes

“- George: I want the hand of your niece.
- Aunt Agnes: Emily must make her own decision.
- George: So you wouldn't object?
- Aunt Agnes: I don't give a monkey's.”
Sean Pertwee - George
Prunella Scales - Aunt Agnes

“- Dr. Leo Marvin: Are you married?
- Bob Wiley: I'm divorced.
- Dr. Leo Marvin: Would you like to talk about that?
- Bob Wiley: There are two types of people in this world: those who like Neil Diamond, and those who don't. My ex-wife loves him.
- Dr. Leo Marvin: I see. So, what you're saying is that even though you are an almost-paralyzed,...” (continue)(continue reading)
Richard Stephen Dreyfuss - Dr. Leo Marvin
Bill Murray - Bob Wiley

“- Ryan: You know what, I'm not really a prying kind of guy, but just for the heck of it, I was wondering what you were doing on the eve of our wedding straddling some guy on the back of a big black Harley?
- Anna Coleman: Hello, it was a Ducati!”
Mark Harmon - Ryan
Lindsay Lohan - Anna Coleman

“The family cannot be broken up by a whim or a caprice or even by the... by the sin of one of the partners in the marriage. Our life must go on as it has done in the past.”

Basil Rathbone - Alexei Alexandrovitch Karenin

“I've been married for twenty five years to the same wonderful, infuriating woman. And granted there are days when I want to light her on fire but I don't, because I love her. And that would be illegal. And you know something, and I might be old fashioned but when I said those vows, I meant them.”
Dennis Miller - Judge Whopper

“- Arnold: Marriage!
- Dr. Feld: What does that word mean to you?
- Arnold: It means we have a marriage licence and I pay all the bills.”
Tommy Lee Jones - Arnold
Steve Carrell - Doctor Feld

“Kitty, is to be married. She's found love... again. It's Christop Crane. You'd think an odd match though. He won't sit back in his chair for fear of setting wrinkles in his shirt.”
Bryce Dallas Howard - Ivy Walker

“- Nick: I don't know how our marriage lasted.
- Deborah: Mutual death wish.”
Woody Allen - Nick
Bette Midler - Deborah

“This wedding is going to be as normal as butter on mashed potatoes.”
Michael Douglas - Steve Tobias

“Barbara? Ted here. Listen, uh, I need a really big favor. I want you to cover my shift at the hospital tomorrow. I'm going to Vegas! I'm gonna lose a little money, take in a show, and get married.”
Charles Rocket - Ted

“Only the deepest love will persuade me into matrimony, which is why I will end up an old maid.”
Keira Knightley - Elizabeth Bennet

“- Captain Jeffrey Spaulding: What do you say, girls? What do you say? Are we all going to get married?
- Mrs. Whitehead: All of us? But, that's bigamy!
- Captain Jeffrey Spaulding: Yes, and it's big of me too.”

Groucho Marx - Captain Jeffrey Spaulding
Margaret Irving - Mrs. Whitehead

“He's not violent. Just a bit nasty.”
Janine Duvitski - Angela

“- Ted Foster: I thought that if you wanted to marry a girl you were supposed to ask her father.
- Harry C. Thomas: You must be talking about some other father, some other family. Not a family with only one father and three daughters. Nobody asks him anything. He's lucky if he gets told.”
John Shelton - Ted Foster
Frank Morgan - Harry C. Thomas

“I don't care how rich he is, as long as he has a yacht, his own private railroad car, and his own toothpaste.”
Marilyn Monroe - Sugar Kane Kowalczyk

“You're Irena, you're here in America. You're so normal you're even in love with me, Oliver Reed, a good plain Americano. You're so normal you're gonna marry me, and those fairytales, you can tell them to our children. They'll love them.”

Kent Smith - Oliver Reed

“- Florence: Listen, Joan Gale's body was swiped from the morgue, have you ever heard of such a thing as a death mask?
- Jim: I used to be married to one.
- Florence: Then it came to life and divorced you, I know all about that.”
Glenda Farrell - Florence
Frank McHugh - Jim

“- Corie Bratter: My divorce! When do I get my divorce?
- Paul Bratter: How should I know? The marriage license hasn't even come in yet!”
Jane Seymour Fonda - Corie Bratter
Robert Redford - Paul Bratter

“- Hank Palmer: Shit happens.
- Joseph Palmer: Like your marriage.”
Robert Downey Jr. - Hank Palmer
Robert Duvall - Joseph Palmer

“I don't know much about women. I've been married for 28 years, you know.”
Wallace Beery - General Director Preysing

“- Joanna: Try to understand, Grant, I don't love you anymore.
- Grant Stayton III: What's love got to do with marriage?”
Goldie Hawn - Joanna
Edward Herrmann - Grant Stayton III

“Marriage is an important part of getting ahead: let's people know you're not a homo. Married guy seems more stable. People see the ring, they think at least somebody can stand the son of a bitch. Ladies see the ring, they know immediately you must have some cash or your cock must work.”
Alec Baldwin - Ellerby

“- Mick Dugan: Tess, will you marry me?
- Tess McGill: Maybe.
- Mick Dugan: Ya call that an answer?
- Tess McGill: You want another answer, ask another girl.”
Alec Baldwin - Mick Dugan
Melanie Griffith - Tess McGill

My parents have been married for 26 years. They're like brother and sister at this point. She goes to the bathroom with the door open. That would be "A". And "B" that's disgusting.
Janeane Garofalo - Vickie Miner

“- Jane's Aunt: Must be so hard to watch your younger sister get married before you.
- Jane: Yes. Then I remember that I still get to have hot hate sex with random strangers and I feel so much better!”
Jennifer Bassey - Jane's Aunt
Katherine Heigl - Jane