Marriage quotes

- Walter: You heard a little of that, didn't ya?
- Jeff Dunham: Oh yeah.
- Walter: I hung up on her.
- Jeff Dunham: Not good.
- Walter: Yeah. She called back and she's like: "Did you hang up on me?". I said: "I don't know, did it sound something like this? Click!".
- Jeff Dunham: Did that make her angry?
- Walter: Oh, I felt a disturbance in the... (continue)(continue reading)

Jeff Dunham - Walter
Jeff Dunham - Himself

“- Dionna: I know he loves me, but... I think I disappoint him.
- Ruby: So, what do you want me to do? Do you want me to tell you how to fuck your husband?”
Mira Sorvino - Dionna
Jennifer Esposito - Ruby

“Michael... I love you. I've loved you for nine years, I've just been too arrogant and scared to realize it, and... well, now I'm just scared. So, I realize this comes at a very inopportune time but I really have this gigantic favor to ask of you. Choose me. Marry me. Let me make you happy. Oh, that sounds like three favors, doesn't it?”
Julia Roberts - Julianne Potter

“Why the fuck did you get married in your dress blues? If you worked at Best Buy would you wear that fucking stupid polo shirt?”

Michael Peña - Mike Zavala

“- Inman: Ada, I wanna marry you. If you'll have me.
- Ada Monroe: Isn't there some religion where you just say I marry you, three times, and then you're man and wife?
- Inman: I marry you, I marry you, I marry you.”
Jude Law - Inman
Nicole Kidman - Ada Monroe

“- Steffi: Over the years I often wondered what would have happened if we stayed together.
- Joe: That's something we never gonna know. We've managed to produce a fabulous daughter though. She got your looks, fortunately, and my... magic personality.”
Goldie Hawn - Steffi
Woody Allen - Joe

“- Palumbo: Don't you think it's time for a wedding?
- Zalmie: How can I ask her? I don't have a cent.
- Palumbo: You should have thought of that before you got her pregnant.
- Zalmie: Who thinks at a time like that?”
Ben Frommer - Palumbo
Jeffrey Lippa - Zalmie

“Beware of marriage: in my experience, its merits are greatly overrated.”
Joachim Król - Hermann van Pels

“The longer I'm married to you the more you sound like my mother.”

Michael Murphy - Martin

“- Frida Kahlo: What do you think matters most for a good marriage?
- Guillermo Kahlo: A short memory.
- Frida Kahlo: Why did you get married?
- Guillermo Kahlo: I can't remember.”
Salma Hayek - Frida Kahlo
Roger Rees - Guillermo Kahlo

“- Marcus Burnett: Look man, I ain't getting my sex at home, ok? Don't deny me this.
- Mike Lowrey: What are you talking about, man? You sleep with a beautiful woman everyday.
- Marcus Burnett: I'm married. That's what married means. It means you sleep together, but you can't get none.”
Martin Lawrence - Marcus Burnett
Will Smith - Mike Lowrey

“I've got a new theory about marriage. Two people are in love, they live together, and then suddenly one day, they run out of conversation.”
Simon Callow - Gareth - Wedding One

- Jeff Dunham: Walter, what exactly is marriage to you?
- Walter: It's like drinking a slurpy.
- Jeff Dunham: A slurpy.
- Walter: First couple of sips, it's like "boy this is really good! I'm glad I did this!". Then you keep drinking, it goes right to your head, and you go "ow, ow, ooooow! What the hell was I thinking? Someone kill me please!".
Jeff Dunham - Himself
Jeff Dunham - Walter

“At least some good will come of my being forced to marry. When I am Queen, I will have the power to get rid of you.”

Linda Larkin - Princess Jasmine

“If God had meant me to marry a poor man, he would have made me homely.”
Denise Richards - Cindy Styne

“For some time, I have known that in uniting my life to yours, I have made a mistake. But this I must bear for the sake of my public duty and for the sake of my child.”

Basil Rathbone - Alexei Alexandrovitch Karenin

“- Nora Charles: You know, that sounds like an interesting case. Why don't you take it?
- Nick Charles: I haven't the time. I'm much too busy seeing that you don't lose any of the money I married you for.”
Myrna Loy - Nora Charles
William Powell - Nick Charles

“- Ned: You can stand here with me if you want but you'll have to agree not to talk about the heat.
- Matty: I'm a married woman.
- Ned: Meaning what?
- Matty: Meaning I'm not looking for company.
- Ned: Then you should have said I'm a happily married woman.”
William Hurt - Ned Racine
Kathleen Turner - Matty Walker

“- Parmenion: Your father must be turning in his grave, Alexander. After all this time, a hill chief's daughter? Do you call this tribal wedding legitimate?
- Alexander: You forget, Parmenion, that my father took a barbarian as his queen.
- Parmenion: Yes, and few would call it a profoundly happy marriage.”

John Kavanagh - Parmenion
Colin Farrell - Alexander

When Norbit was little boy he say "One day I'll have the girl of my dream" and then you and marry a gorilla!
Eddie Murphy - Mr. Wong

- Stuart Mackenzie: We both said "I do", and we haven't agreed on a single thing since.
- May Mackenzie: That's true!
- Stuart Mackenzie: But I'm glad I married you, May, because hey, could've been worse.
Mike Myers - Stuart Mackenzie
Brenda Fricker - May Mackenzie

“Everybody knows that when a woman marries a man she marries his mother, too. What if I drive her crazy?”
Jane Seymour Fonda - Viola Fields

“I'm never gonna get married. Not ever. Even if you paid me a hundred and fifty dollars.”

Ari Meyers - Debbie

“Now listen here, Teddy Bear. Four weeks ago, I met a cute, available, old-fashioned guy who liked horse riding. In one month you got married, you had two daughters and you can't ride a horse to save your life!”
Kelly LeBrock - Charlotte

“- Jill Baker: There's nothing wrong with my marriage. You could go through all Park Avenue and you wouldn't find a happier couple.
- Dr. Vengard: I'm sorry but it's my duty to explore every avenue, especially Park Avenue.”
Merle Oberon - Jill Baker
Alan Mowbray - Dr. Vengard