Marriage quotes

“Sam-Why do you consider me your enemy?
Redford-Because your girlfriend stabbed me in the back with lefty scissors.
Sam-She's my wife now.
Redford-Congratulations!”
Jared Gilman - Sam
Lucas Hedges - Redford

“Choose your husband carefully. You’ll only have yourself to blame if it ends badly.”
Viola Davis - Annalise Keating

“They asked me to identify his body. His face! Twenty-five years of marriage and that's what I have left to remember him.”
Judy Reyes - Victoria Muñoz

“Alan Harper-I need you to watch Jake for the rest of the weekend so that Nancy and I can go to Vegas and get married.
Charlie Harper-Oh, God, Alan! There's no need to marry the woman! If you don't want to have sex anymore just tell her!
”
Charlie Sheen - Charlie Harper
Jon Cryer - Alan Harper

“Charlie Harper-You'd really be willing to risk your marriage over a cute, young babysitter?
Dr.Herb Melnick-I certainly wouldn't risk it over a fat, ugly one.
”
Charlie Sheen - Charlie Harper
Ryan Stiles - Dr. Herb Melnick

“In the dating game, wedding rings are like kryptonite. If superman was a vagina.”
Jon Cryer - Alan Harper

“As long as I got someone to clean my house and some action on a regular basis, I don’t need a wife.”
Angus T. Jones - Jake Harper

“Confession may be good for the soul, but for marriage, it’s a hot, lead enema.”
Holland Taylor - Evelyn Harper

You're engaged. In Latin that means "screwed for life".
Danny Masterson - Steven Hyde

Bob Pinciotti-I don't get it. She didn't give me any sign, any warning.
Donna Pinciotti-Dad, she kept saying "I'm unhappy and I'm going to leave".
Bob Pinciotti-Donna, that's just something married people say.

Don Stark - Bob Pinciotti
Laura Prepon - Donna Pinciotti

“This is how it starts, you know. First they're dating and having fun, and then the next thing you know, they're prying the money to pay for a wedding from my cold, dead hands.”

Kurtwood Smith - Red Forman

“I've told dozens of women I'm leaving my wife for them and I'm not even married.”
Jonathan Kite - Oleg

“Love, a dangerous disease instantly cured by marriage.”
Jerry Orbach - Detective Leonard 'Lennie' Briscoe

“Let 'em marry. Why shouldn't they be as miserable as the rest of us?”

Sam Waterston - EADA John James 'Jack' McCoy

“I was eighteen when I got married, but it was not love.”
Keira Knightley - Anna Karenina

“The man who can't govern his wife, has gone as far as he can go in government.”
Kenneth Collard - Prince Tverskoy

“You fuck dumb. You don't marry dumb.”
Allison Janney - LaVona

“I chose to help my husband run a business and to raise a family. For me, it was a privilege. But for you, you may think it's old-fashioned. It's nice you appreciate this house and us being here together wrapping dumplings. But all this doesn't just happen. It's because we know to put family first, instead of chasing one's passion.”
Michelle Yeoh - Eleanor Young

“I didn't even want to get married. I never believed in marriage. Marriage makes me sad and anxious. I didn't want a child, either. What do I know about bringing kids up? I just wanted to be free. Then that asshole came along and turned my life upside-down. He made me believe we could be happy and I trusted him.”
Alba Rohrwacher - Bianca

“Peppe-Eva, how do you know if you're in love?
Eva-Why are you asking me?
Peppe-You study these things.
Bianca-I'll tell you. If you talk to her for 30 minutes a day, you're in love.
Peppe-What if I talk for 60 minutes?
Carlotta-Then you're madly in love.
Lele-Then you stop talking, which means you're married!”
Giuseppe Battiston - Peppe
Kasia Smutniak - Eva
Alba Rohrwacher - Bianca
Anna Foglietta - Carlotta
Valerio Mastandrea - Lele

“Philip J. Fry-Listen, Leela. I’m not sure what kind of life we can make together in this frozen timesicle, but if it’s not too weird, will you still marry me?
Leela-I would marry you even if you weren’t the last man on earth.”
Billy West - Philip J. Fry
Katey Sagal - Turanga Leela

“You’re what makes me real. I want us to always go out for banana splits. And replant the lemon tree that keeps dying. And I never, ever want to miss a pizza night. And that’s how I know I want to marry you.”
Michael C. Hall - Dexter Morgan

“Marriage is a simple concept. Basically, it’s a contract between two people. It binds them together for life in the hopes that they can live happily ever after. Sadly, some contracts were made to be broken.”
Brenda Strong - Mary Alice Young

“Yes, life is a journey, one that is much better travelled with a companion by our side. Of course, that companion can be just about anyone… a neighbor on the other side of the street… or the man on the other side of the bed. The companion can be a mother with good intentions… or a child who’s up to no good. Still, despite our best intentions,...” (continue)(continue reading)
Brenda Strong - Mary Alice Young

“Have you found a wife yet? Or are you planning on offending every young girl until there are none left?”
Luke Thompson - Benedict Bridgerton