Sex quotes

“- Satan: Is sex the only thing that matters to you?
- Saddam Hussein: I love you.”
Trey Parker - Satan
Matt Stone - Saddam Hussein

“Never love a woman. Just make love to her.”

Ben Lyon - Monte Rutledge

“I would never take advantage of a sexually immature species.”
Persis Khambatta - Ilia

“- Matt Gavin: She said you were a terrible lover.
- David Corelli: She lied to protect your frail ego.
- Matt Gavin: She said that's why she chose me.
- David Corelli: Everybody make mistakes.”
Chazz Palminteri - Matt Gavin
David Caruso - David Corelli

“Some women give terrible blowjobs. No rhythm at all. No sense of cock whatsoever.”
Mark Ruffalo - Detective Giovanni A. Malloy

“- Missy: I'm sorry. I should have asked. Do you prefer queer or gay?
- Brat: Actually, I'm bisexual.
- Missy: Yeah. That must be just so time consuming.”
Cynthia Nixon - Missy
Timothy Olyphant - Brat

“- Stifler: How many girls did you sleep with this year?
- Jessica: Wouldn't you like to know.
- Stifler: Fuck yeah I would.”
Seann William Scott - Stifler
Natasha Lyonne - Jessica

“- Detective Marcus Burnett: [over the radio] Mike! There's a papa rat humping the shit out of this mama rat. No, he's straight pile-driving her!
- Detective Mike Lowrey: Now, how is that information gonna help me do my job?
- Detective Marcus Burnett: They fuck just like us!”
Martin Lawrence - Detective Marcus Burnett
Will Smith - Detective Mike Lowrey

“Stop eating with the pussy, go find some.”

Eric Bogosian - Barry

“Condoms are in fashion again because of disease. Nowadays you have to boil people before you can sleep with them.”
John Travolta - Paul Brenner

“- Susan Hendler: Did you have sex with her?
- Tom Sanders: No! No! No!
- Susan Hendler: How did her hand get into your pants?”
Caroline Goodall - Susan Hendler
Michael Douglas - Tom Sanders

“- Hibble: For your understanding, Flora, this is rather... delicate. Do you know what the male and female were intending?
- Flora: Sure! I seen dogs in the street doing it!
- Hibble: Yes... well, it's not quite the same thing.
- Flora: How do you know? You're not a dog!”
Morgan Freeman - Hibble
Aisling Corcoran - Flora

“At first I gagged. But, after awhile it's really easy. I mean you guys swallow, don't you?”

Olivia Barash - Ronnie

“- Tally Atwater: Why didn't we do this before?
- Warren Justice: Because it was always gonna be this hard to stop.”

Michelle Pfeiffer - Tally Atwater
Robert Redford - Warren Justice

“Take me to a place, where the drugs are free, the clubs have no gravity, and every shag guarantees an orgasm!”
Lorraine Pilkington - Lulu

“- Minister: I never felt like this before. I'm... I'm...
- Joy: Horny? That which reminds me, there's something I've always wanted to ask someone like you. Do you get much?
- Minister: Not too often. Just an occasional glass at dinner.
- Harry Monroe: That's not what she meant.”
Rod McCary - Minister
Claudia Cron - Joy
Richard Pryor - Harry Monroe

“- Crawl: Hey, you'll be happy to know that as soon as you left, I popped your daughter's trunk!
- Walter: Oh, shit.”
Pauly Shore - Crawl
Lane Smith - Walter Warner

“You don't have to worry about me, dear. I'm bi-sexual. Whenever I want to have sex, I have to buy it.”
Eric Idle - Tommy Butterfly Rainbow Peace Patel

“Come on, don't be gay in God's house! Gimme a good slap!”
Jason Bateman - Roger Donahue

“We can go away right now. I pack light. Everything we need is right here in my pants.”
Leslie William Nielsen - Ryan Harrison

“- Beavis: Butt-Head, do you think we're gonna ever score?
- Butt-head: I probably will, but not you. You're too much of a butt-monkey.”
Mike Judge - Beavis
Mike Judge - Butt-Head

“- Lucy Kolinski: You try and keep it down up here, okay, my room is right underneath.
- John Smith: I'll try not to make too much noise when I'm jumpin' up and down on the bed.”
Alexandra Powers - Lucy Kolinski
Bruce Willis - John Smith

“- Nancy Trainer: Is that all you're ever gonna want from me is sex?
- Brian McDermott: Yeah. Why, what do you want from me?
- Nancy Trainer: Your vote.”
Stockard Channing - Nancy Trainer
Tim Quill - Brian McDermott

“- Dex: Do you want to have sex with this woman?
- Dave: Definitely.
- Dex: Then you're violating the first rule of being Steve. You must learn to eliminate your desire.”
Donal Logue - Dex
James 'Kimo' Wills - Dave

“Her lips were warm, and my arm wasn't the only thing that was throbbing. Our hearts were, too. My plan was to kiss her with every lip on my face... then slowly move her to the next room, maneuver her next to the bed... marry her, and start the whoopee machine. My plan was working fine until... Agh! She stuck her finger in my bullet hole!”

Steve Martin - Rigby Reardon