Sex quotes

“Fucker gets more pussy than a toilet seat.”
Louis Eppolito - Ed

- Charles: Do you think there really are people who can just go up and say, "Hi, babe. Name's Charles. This is your lucky night"?
- Matthew: Well, if there are, they're not English.
Hugh Grant - Charles - Wedding One
John Hannah - Matthew - Wedding One

“- Alec Newbary: You ran out on this relationship, you take the consequences.
- Leslie Hunter: I didn't run out on anything. You ran out.
- Alec Newbary: You fucked Kevin.
- Leslie Hunter: [shouting] You fucked many!
- Alec Newbary: Nameless, faceless many.
- Leslie Hunter: I feel much better now. Thanks.”
Ally Sheedy - Alec Newbary
Judd Nelson - Leslie Hunter

“You stick with the Virgin Mary, and remember, if you fuck it up again, you're back to Italy doing another romance novel.”
David Schwimmer - Max Abbitt

“How can I put this delicately? It's just that I'm not really in the vagina business.”

Stephen Fry - Peter Morton

“- Matthew Hollis: Kiss you? I ought to spank you!
- Jennifer Lyons: Oh, please, and bite me too.”
Sir Michael Caine - Matthew Hollis
Michelle Johnson - Jennifer Lyons

“- Derek Smalls: We're taking a sophisticated view of sex...
- Marty DiBergi: Down on a farm.
- Derek Smalls: Yeah.”
Harry Shearer - Derek Smalls
Rob Reiner - Marty DiBergi

“- Joey: Hey, Teddy! Teddy! Wait a minute. Come here a sec. Look, really, in all seriousness: don't get your dick caught in your zipper.
- Buddy: You got no taste!
- Joey: Taste! Who wants taste? What the hell am I, Charlie the Tuna? Get outta here! Let's go get some action.”
Joseph Bologna - Joey
Charles Grodin - Buddy

“- Richter: I want that fucker dead!
- Helm: I don't blame you, man. I wouldn't want a guy like Quaid porking my old lady.
- Richter: You saying she liked it?
- Helm: Uh... no... I'm sure she hated every minute of it.”
Michael Ironside - Richter
Michael Champion - Helm

“- Phoebe: Joey, if you had to give up sex or food, which would you pick?
- Joey: I don't know it's too hard.
- Rachel: Come on, you have to answer.
- Joey: Okay... sex. No, food. No, uh... I want both! I want girls on bread!”
Lisa Kudrow - Phoebe Buffay
Matt LeBlanc - Joey Tribbiani
Jennifer Aniston - Rachel Green

“College girls have three times more sexual partners than a regular girl.”
Gary Wolf - Snake

“- Ned: Hey lady, ya wanna fuck?
- Mary Ann: Gee, I don't know. Maybe. This sure is a friendly town.”
William Hurt - Ned Racine
Kim Zimmer - Mary Ann

“I'm a virgin girl. I wait 'til I'm married. I'm a virgin girl. I don't go down on my knees.”
Markus Grupa - Jonny

“If this is foreplay I'm a dead man!”
Steve Guttenberg - Jack Bonner

“- Claire: You must be somebody who's always on the lookout for a new way to fuck up.
- Dr. Eugene Sands: Why is it that you always find me so objectionable?
- Claire: Other than the fact that you're a drug addict and the only patients you treat are criminals?
- Dr. Eugene Sands: You mean your associates? I'm not a drug addict. I take drugs to...” (continue)(continue reading)
Angelina Jolie - Claire
David Duchovny - Dr. Eugene Sands

“Any guy would need a hunk of plastic, probably battery operated to get a reaction out of you in bed.”

Brad Dourif - Chucky

“- Irmy: You were wonderful!
- Student Jack: It's not necessary for me to be wonderful. I was paying.”

Mia Farrow - Irmy
John Cusack - Student Jack

“- Denise: Cindy if, uh, you don't go back to bed... Santa won't come.
- Tommy: He's not the only one.”

Linnea Quigley - Denise
Leo Geter - Tommy

“Would you like the room where I first violated her mother?”

Henry Fonda - Norman Thayer Jr.

“I have a lot of fantasies about being tied up and spanked. I suppose it isn't very liberated, is it? What kind of fantasies do feminists have?”

Karen M. Waldron - Bunny

“Men think they own women after sex - nobody owns me.”
Terry Farrell - Det. Karen Ryder

“- Tommy Miller: May I do my specialty?
- Sheila Kingston: Ah, no, I don't really feel like having my toes sucked right now.”
Sean O'Bryan - Tommy
Rosie O'Donnell - Sheila

“I'm sorry I can't be more optimistic, Doctor, but we've got a long road ahead of us. It's like having sex. It's a painstaking and arduous task that seems to go on and on forever, and just when you think things are going your way, nothing happens.”

Leslie William Nielsen - Frank Drebin

“- Johner: Hey, Vriess, you got a socket wrench? Maybe she just needs an oil change. Can't believe I almost fucked it.
- Vriess: Yeah, like you never fucked a robot.”

Ronald Francis Perlman - Johner
Dominique Pinon - Vriess

“I like you, Lois. You're like a man. You think with your nuts.”
Dylan Baker - Jonathan Bendel