Sex quotes

“When it comes to sex, there are some mysteries that should remain unexplored. And with my luck, they always will be.”
Woody Allen - Victor

“- Helen Lacey: Oh, Victor, please don't do anything dangerous!
- Victor Shakapopulis: Don't worry. I know how to handle tits.”
Heather MacRae - Helen Lacey
Woody Allen - Victor

“Does it sound mad? That's what they called me at Masters and Johnson's clinic, mad. Because I had visions of explorations in sexual areas undreamed of by lesser human beings. It was I who first discovered how to make a man impotent by hiding his hat. I was the first one to explain the connection between excessive masturbation and entering...” (continue)(continue reading)

John Carradine - Doctor Bernardo

“Can we please have an erection? What the hell is going on down there?”
Tony Randall - The Operator

“With most grievous dispatch I shall open the latch to get at her snatch!”
Woody Allen - The Fool

I don't know if you've read my book, "Advanced Sexual Positions: How to Achieve Them Without Laughing".
Woody Allen - Victor

“- Madeleine: I am a simple person I see the world as I have been taught,yet I would not be afraid to go before God with you even in our sin.
- Urbain Grandier: You shame me.”
Gemma Jones - Madeleine
Oliver Reed - Urbain Grandier

“Anything found in the desert of a frustrated life can bring hope. With hope comes love. With love comes hate. So I possess her. May God help her in her misery and unhappiness.”

Oliver Reed - Urbain Grandier

“I once 69:ed Fidel Castro. You think his beard is hairy.”
Seth Rogen - Fred Flarsky

“When we meet with a woman, if she is consenting and if we can make her consent, then the encounter should be pleasant. But there are two exceptions: the wife of a friend and that strange flower, so rare, that is born from perfect innocence.”
Fernando Rey - Don Lope

“- Don Zenón: And the Ten Commandments?
- Don Lope: I respect all of them, except those to do with sex, because I'm sure they were added to the truly divine ones by Moses for political reasons that don't affect me.”
José María Caffarel - Don Zenón
Fernando Rey - Don Lope

“- John: Still keeping her legs crossed? She's getting you down, you know. The old, old story: not before we're married, darling. I wouldn't waste your money.
- Reggie: She seems a bit lost to me.
- John: I mean, don't let her being foreign fool you. They're all the same, these bloody virgins. They're just teasers, that's all.
- Reggie: She...” (continue)(continue reading)
James Villiers - John
Hugh Futcher - Reggie
John Fraser - Colin

I'm a vigorous man. I can't find satisfaction with a woman who crosses herself in bed before every embrace, and can only say "Gesummaria" afterwards. I've had seven children with her and I've never seen her navel. Is that right? I ask you. She's the sinner!

Burt Lancaster - Prince Don Fabrizio Salina

“You can fuck me for a little while we're high.”

Natalie Portman - Celeste

“- Mrs. Hunt: I hope you're proud how you raised your daughters. My girls ain't gon' be bringing no bastards home to feed. I can tell you that!
- Ernestine Rivers: That's because won't nobody fuck 'em.”
Aunjanue Ellis - Mrs. Hunt
Teyonah Parris - Ernestine Rivers

“- Wade Wilson: Isn't that how it always works? Like in Star Wars, men are destined to become their father? And have consensual sex with their sister?
- Vanessa: I think you missed big, big chunks of that movie.
- Wade Wilson: No, I'm pretty sure Luke nailed her.
- Vanessa: Baby, that's Empire.”
Ryan Reynolds - Wade Wilson
Morena Baccarin - Vanessa

“- Mary Stuart: Just be wary of these men. Their love is not the same as their respect.
- Mary Fleming: Might I ask, since we’ve not known it ourselves, what is it like?
- Mary Stuart: To have a man?
- Mary Fleming: Mm-hmm.
- Mary Stuart: I have only lain with François. He shook terribly from fright. The poor boy did his best. But it was over...” (continue)(continue reading)
Saoirse Una Ronan - Mary Stuart
Maria Dragus - Mary Fleming

“They's no torture on earth to equal the torture which a cold woman inflicts on a man. They's no torture to compare with it!”
Karl Malden - Archie Lee Meighan

“We must educate ourselves and our children to understand that porn is for losers, they write, a boring, wasteful and dead-end outlet for people too lazy to reap the ample rewards of healthy sexuality.”
Pamela Anderson

“- Susie: It felt like what I think it must feel like to fuck.
- Madame Blanc: Do you mean fuck a man?
- Susie Bannion: No. I was thinking of an animal.”

Dakota Johnson - Susie
Tilda Swinton - Madame Blanc

“- Pearl Chavez: And you'll forget about... about tonight, won't you? You'll forget it?
- Jesse McCanles: No, I don't think I'll forget. I don't think I'll ever be able to. I shouldn't have told you the way I felt. It wasn't fair. There I go again, trying to be fair.”
Jennifer Jones - Pearl Chavez
Joseph Cotten - Jesse McCanles

“Under that heathen blanket, there's a full-blossomed woman built by the devil to drive men crazy.”

Walter Huston - The Sinkiller

“- Anne Boleyn: Not like this.
- King Henry VIII: How then?
- Anne Boleyn: Seduce me. Write letters to me. And poems, I love poems. Ravish me with your words. Seduce me.”

Natalie Dormer - Anne Boleyn:
Jonathan Rhys-Meyers - King Henry VIII

“- Hammerson: People love guns because America is a land of opportunity, where a poor man can become rich, and a pussy can become a tough guy, if he's got a gun in his hand. Now, I'm hopin' you're not just a pussy with a gun in your hand.
- Mr. Hertz: Oh no, sir. No, no, I am not. I'm a tough guy with a pussy in my hand.”
Stephen McHattie - Hammerson
Paul Giamatti - Hertz

“- Brad Kimble: I'm short of money. Um. Uh. Ok. Have you ever had this dream in life?... And these things, these stupid, stupid things could make all your dreams come true? That's what it's like with Brooke. Haven't you ever felt that way?
- Cashier: $4.75.
- Brad Kimble: Damn it!”

Will Friedle - Brad Kimble
Kathy Griffin - Cashier