Theft quotes

“Swanney taught us to adore and respect the national health service. For it was the source of much of our gear. We stole drugs. We stole prescriptions or bought them, sold them, swapped them, forged them, photocopied them. Or traded drugs with cancer victims, alcoholics, old-age pensioners, AIDS patients, epileptics, and bored housewives.”
Ewan McGregor - Mark Renton

“- Corky: To steal, I need to know someone like I know myself.
- Violet: You think you know me like that?”
Gina Gershon - Corky
Jennifer Tilly - Violet

“- Sol: Are you all right there, Vincent?
- Vinny: I would be if you stopped using my name.”

Lennie James - Sol
Robbie Gee - Vinny

“I never mean to steal anything, but when I see a nice car, I just start twitching.”
Noah Poletiek - Twitch

“- Joe: I did some stealing during the war, so I'll set everything up.
- Al: What do you mean, you did some stealing?
- Joe: Never mind what I mean.”
George Burns - Joe
Art Carney - Al

“You're a thief. You may have killed your wife and daughter. OK, I'll give you that. But it was me who knocked off the three girls. What are you doing stealing my murders? What kind of fucking friend do you think you are? I suppose you thought you were doing me a favor.”
Rupert Everett - Francesco Dellamorte

“- Eden Brent: There you are. Mr. Purcell, you have been stealing our dog yummies and eating them.
- Warner Purcell: Absolutely not. That's an outrageous suggestion.
- Eden Brent: Then let me see in your pockets.
- Warner Purcell: Would I eat dog food?
- Eden Brent: You'd eat anything that didn't eat you first, you big fat pot of helium.”
Tracey Ullman - Eden Brent
Jim Broadbent - Warner Purcell

“My lady, a woman of your beauty has no need for such... decorations.”

Kevin Costner - Robin Hood

“- Joe Roberts: You got a place to stay? You got money?
- Frank Roberts: I've already took forty dollars from your wallet.”
David Morse - Joe Roberts
Viggo Mortensen - Frank Roberts

“- Margaret Ford: You took my money.
- Mike: How naughty of me.”
Lindsay Crouse - Margaret Ford
Joe Mantegna - Mike

“- PJ: If you jacked it, how come you got a receipt?
- B-Rad: I stole that too. ”
Taye Diggs - Sean
Jamie Kennedy - Brad 'B-Rad' Gluckman

“- Skip Donahue: I know that you're not wearing anything underneath that coat.
- Susan: What?
- Skip Donahue: I also know that you're a shoplifter, part-time.
- Susan: What are you? Some kind of a looney tune?
- Skip Donahue: No. I'm the store detective, here, part-time.”
Gene Wilder - Skip Donahue
Lee Purcell - Susan

“- Joan Stupid: Oh dear I left the garbage out over night.
- Stanley Stupid: Oh no. Someone's stolen our garbage again.”
Jessica Lundy - Joan Stupid
Tom Arnold - Stanley Stupid

“- Daryl: Did you steal all of these cars?
- Joe Gipp: Yeah. It gets me some good money.
- Daryl: Isn't it kind of dangerous?
- Joe Gipp: Hey, I like danger, all right?
- Chris: You should try babysitting.”
Anthony Rapp - Daryl
Calvin Levels - Joe Gipp
Elisabeth Shue - Chris

“- Alvie: Where did you steal this car from?
- Boots: The keys were in it and the engine was running, so I just stole it! Pretty good, huh?
- Alvie: That is not how you steal this car, that is how someone else gets rid of it!”

Mark Miller - Alvie
Donovan Scott - Boots

“- Warren: My girl Melanie just left me.
- Larry: What'd she leave you for?
- Warren: She came home last night, found some guy robbing her apartment. They just hit it off.
- Larry: Gee, that sounds tough.”
Charles Grodin - Warren
Steve Martin - Larry

“I'm gonna go to jail!”

Scott Caan - Tweeter

“Stealing shoes off a dead man. Oh, we're going to hell.”
Jonathan Silverman - Richard Parker

“- Roy O'Bannon: That diamond is as big as a damn monkey's paw.
- Chon Wang: Don't even think about it.
- Roy O'Bannon: Just admiring the craftsmanship.”

Owen Wilson - Roy O'Bannon
Jackie Chan - Chon Wang

“- Ferris Bueller: Look, it's real simple. Whatever mileage we put on, we'll take off.
- Cameron Frye: How?
- Ferris Bueller: We'll drive home backwards.”

Alan Ruck - Ferris Bueller
Matthew Broderick - Cameron Frye

“- Princess Evie: So you rob from the rich, and give to the poor?
- Deathstalker: No, I rob from the rich, and pretty much keep it for myself.”
Monique Gabrielle - Princess Evie
John Terlesky - Deathstalker

“- Steve Jobs: This is like doing business with a praying mantis. You get seduced, and then eaten alive afterwards?
- Bill Gates: Get real, would ya? You and I are both like guys who had this rich neighbor - Xerox - who left the door open all the time. And you go sneakin' in to steal a TV set. Only when you get there, you realize that I got there...” (continue)(continue reading)
Noah Wyle - Steve Jobs
Anthony Michael Hall - Bill Gates

“- Lex: We're not stealing my mom's car. Okay, that's not happening.
- Hawk: You're damn right we are.”
Giuseppe Andrews - Lex
Edward Furlong - Hawk

“What you've just witnessed is, in many ways, a life-sized video game. You saw a liar talk to a killer and you couldn't tell them apart. But hey, it's only television. As you may know, television programs are just the filler between attempts to steal your money. So if you want to save some, turn me off. It's a simple movement, done with the hand...” (continue)(continue reading)
Rutger Hauer - John Tanner

“- Rocky: We can't ride to the rescue in a stolen truck.
- Bullwinkle: Yeah. Why couldn't you steal something with bucket seats?”
June Foray - Rocky
Keith Scott - Bullwinkle