Date quotes

“- Standard: Do you want to hear how mommy and me met?
- Benicio: Yeah.
- Standard: Yeah? Okay. We were at a party. And she was nineteen-years-old.
- Irene: Seventeen.
- Standard: You weren't seventeen.
- Irene: I was.
- Standard: Wow. So it was illegal.”
Oscar Isaac - Standard
Kaden Leos - Benicio
Carey Mulligan - Irene

“- Enid: How come in all that time I was trying to get you a date, you never asked me out?
- Seymour: You're a beautiful young girl, I couldn't imagine you'd have any interest in me except as an amusingly cranky eccentric curiosity.
- Enid: At least you're not like every other stupid guy in the world. All they care about is guitars or sports.
-...” (continue)(continue reading)
Thora Birch - Enid
Steve Buscemi - Seymour

“- Mac: Hey, you can handle this report tonight, can't you? I gotta thing I gotta do.
- Randy: It's a blonde thing or a brunette thing?”
Steve Zahn - Mac
Eric Christian Olsen - Randy

- Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: I have to go on a date with this woman. Why can't I just say no?
- Father Brian Kilkenney Finn: I don't know, why can't you?
- Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: I can't alienate these women, I need body count at the temple.
Ben Stiller - Rabbi Jake Schram
Edward Norton - Father Brian Finn

“- Coles: I was kinda looking forward to just hanging out and doing nothing.
- Sam: But we can do that any night.
- Coles: The thing is we don't.”
Mark Ruffalo - Coles
Maya Stange - Sam

“- Clark Kent: Dad, you were right. Once I understood what triggered the heat, I was able to control it without thinking about... sex.
- Jonathan Kent: You sure about that son?
- Clark Kent: Trust me. Next time I have a date, I'll be able to take her out without setting her on fire.
- Jonathan Kent: Well, that's a relief.”

Tom Welling - Clark Kent
John Schneider - Jonathan Kent

It was only a couple weeks later she suggested getting married. I said, "Don't you want to get to know me more?". She said, "Why? Does it get better?".

Billy Bob Thornton - Ed Crane

“- Joe Gideon: God damn it, how dare you use my phone! My phone! To call someone who is not gay!
- Kate Jagger: I see! You can go out with any girl. Any girl...
- Joe Gideon: That's right! I go out with any girl... I stay in with you.”

Roy Scheider - Joe Gideon
Ann Reinking - Kate Jagger

“- Jeri: How'd the date go?
- Andy: I got Ninja-Fucked.”
Janeane Garofalo - Jeri
Luke Wilson - Andy

“- Mike O'Donnell: Why are you dating him? He's bullying your brother.
- Maggie: Who are you, my father?”
Zac Efron - Mike O'Donnell
Michelle Trachtenberg - Maggie

“- Bill Gates: I think I had a date tonight with Ann.
- Ballmer: I thought she was away on business.
- Bill Gates: She is.
- Ballmer: Then how can you have a date?
- Bill Gates: Well, I go to a movie here, and then she goes to the same movie in Denver, and then we talk on the phone about it afterwards.
- Ballmer: Jeez Bill, I hate to see what...” (continue)(continue reading)
Anthony Michael Hall - Bill Gates
John DiMaggio - Steve Ballmer

“- Rita Robbins: Ernie, are we going to dance tonight?
- Master Sergeant Ernest G. Bilko: Well, that's up to you. I remember the last time we danced I accidently stepped on your knee.”
Glenne Headly - Rita Robbins
Steve Martin - Master Sergeant Ernest G. Bilko

“- Jody: Here's what I thought. We finish dinner and then we have desert, 'kay?
- Chris Macauley: Alright.
- Jody: And then after that, I take you for a drive, show you around the city.
- Chris Macauley: Sure.
- Jody: And after that, we come back here. And then, if we still like each other, we make love.”
Joan Cusack - Jody
Chris O'Donnell - Chris Macauley

“When you go out with a guy be sure he has a brother or a friend who is single before you call me!”
Kristin Chenoweth - Maria Kelly

“- Cry-Baby: Allison, I'm sorry to get you locked up! But tonight, well, you were the coolest date I ever had!
- Allison Vernon-Williams: But Cry-Baby, who was that girl? Why didn't you tell me you already had a lady friend?
- Cry-Baby: That Lenora ain't nothing to me! I swear on my daddy's grave! I'm burning inside to touch you, baby!”
Johnny Depp - Cry-Baby
Amy Locane - Allison Vernon-Williams

“- Halley Martin: I think I like you too much already to actually go out with you.
- Macon Forrester: What kind of logic is that?
- Halley Martin: It's logical logic. Haven't you ever noticed that when two members of the opposite sex get together eventually someone ends up getting hurt?”
Mandy Moore - Halley Martin
Trent Ford - Macon Forrester

“- Eric Stratton: Ah, she broke our date.
- Donald Schoenstein: Washing her hair?
- Eric Stratton: Dead mother.”
Tim Matheson - Eric Stratton
Peter Riegert - Donald Schoenstein

“- Ronald Camp: Who is he, a friend?
- Melissa Robinson: No, this is--this is my date. He's a lawyer.
- Ronald Camp: Well, does he have a name, or should I call him lawyer?
- Melissa Robinson: No, this is Ace. Um, Tom Ace.
- Ace Ventura: Tom Ace. Pleasure to meet you Mr. Camp, and congratulations on all your success. You smell terrific. I was...” (continue)(continue reading)
Udo Kierr - Ronald Camp
Courteney Cox - Melissa Robinson
Jim Carrey - Ace Ventura

- Deanne McKenzie: How about I take you out for a date night every Thursday?
- Kurt McKenzie: Well, Thursday night is "Grey's Anatomy", but any other night would be great.
Maya Rudolph - Deanne McKenzie
Chris Rock - Kurt McKenzie

“- Lauren: I'm going out. I'm dating. I'm having fun.
- Trish: You date but you're not taking it seriously.”
Reese Witherspoon - Lauren
Chelsea Handler - Trish

“- Olive: You know, the sad thing is, Evan, if you'd been a gentleman and maybe asked me out on a date, I might've said yes.
- Evan: Really? Do you wanna go out with me?
- Olive: Not now I don't, shit-dick.”

Emma Stone - Olive
Jameson Moss - Evan

“- Oscar Novak: As soon as we left the gallery, our cab caught on fire. Then, she elbowed me in the face. Then, we both threw up. Then, she slammed a car handle into my balls, okay? The entire night was a total disaster.
- Peter Steinberg: You're in love with her.
- Oscar Novak: Pretty much.”

Matthew Perry - Oscar Novak
Oliver Platt - Peter Steinberg

“Is your mom dating an undertaker?”

Heather Matarazzo - Lilly Moscovitz

“- Boner: Roofies are bull. I take them before every date, and I never get laid.
- Slab: Maybe you aren't taking enough.”
Danny Strong - Boner
Simon Rex - Slab

“- Harriet Michaels: What do you look for in a woman you date?
- Charlie Mackenzie: Well, I know everyone always says sense of humor, but I'd really have to go with breast size.”
Nancy Travis - Harriet Michaels
Mike Myers - Charlie Mackenzie