Drunkenness quotes

“If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.”
Dean Martin

“When I played drunks I had to remain sober because I didn't know how to play them when I was drunk.”
Richard Burton

“You can't drown yourself in drink. I've tried, you float.”
John Barrymore

“The best research for playing a drunk is being a British actor for 20 years.”
Sir Michael Caine

“We all do dumb shit when we're fucked up.”
Mike Tyson - Himself

“- Police Officer: Ma'am, are you under the influence of alcohol or any other controlled substance?
- Tree Gelbman: No! That is what I'm trying to... Wait. If I am, does that mean that you're going to arrest me and lock me in a jail cell?
- Police Officer: That's how it usually works.
- Tree Gelbman: I'm drunk!
- Police Officer: You are?
- Tree...” (continue)(continue reading)

Jimmy Gonzales - Police Officer
Jessica Rothe - Tree Gelbman

“- Deborah Clasky: Mother, are you buzzed?
- Evelyn: No. I quit drinking weeks ago! No one noticed, but I guess that's a pretty good indicator that I conducted myself quite well when I was drunk.”
Téa Leoni - Deborah Clasky
Cloris Leachman - Evelyn

“We both know that I'm a drunk. And I know you are a hooker. I hope you understand that I am a person who is totally at ease with that. Which is not to say that I'm indifferent or I don't care, I do. It simple means that I trust and accept your judgment.”

Nicolas Cage - Ben Sanderson

“- Anna Held: You should have at least closed the door.
- Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.: Wait! Anna! Anna, please don't misjudge me. I couldn't help it. She's... she's drunk.”

Luise Rainer - Anna Held
William Powell - Florenz Ziegfeld Jr.

“- Butler: Drunk again, sir?
- Henry Bullock: That's okay, Butler. So are we.”
Stratford Johns - Butler
Rick Moranis - Henry Bullock

“I swear sometimes. Especially when I drink.”
Noomi Rapace - Beatrice

“I am not an alcoholic. I am a drunk, and there is a vast difference.”

Johnny Depp - Mortdecai

“Now, an initial report shows you had alcohol in your system at a level of point-two-four. Now in the good ol' US of A, one of the most lenient drunk driving countries in the world, you go to jail for driving with anything above point oh-eight. And by driving, I mean a car.”

Don Cheadle - Hugh Lang

“Pop was okay but out of it. Worse than usual, maybe, but no drunker than usual.”

Willem Dafoe - Rolfe Whitehouse

“- Sissy: I brought ya some coffee.
- Bud: Get me a beer.
- Sissy: Bud, if they smell beer on your breath at work…
- Bud: Just get me a beer!
- Sissy: Yes sir.”
Debra Winger - Sissy
John Travolta - Bud

“- Bubba J.: I'm tired of hearin' that most NASCAR fans drink too much.
- Jeff Dunham: Oh, 'cause it's not true?
- Bubba J.: Oh, no, it's true, I'm just tired of hearing it. Makes me thirsty for another beer.”
Jeff Dunham - Bubba J.
Jeff Dunham - Himself

“We used to joke together, mom and me... until the tears would stroll down her face... and she would throw up! Yeah, and who would clean it up? Not dad. He was too busy down at O'Grady's... throwing up on his own. Yeah. In fact, until I was 13 I thought throwing up was a sign of maturity. While the other kids were off in the woods sneaking...” (continue)(continue reading)
Robert De Niro - Rupert Pupkin

- Nazeer Choudhury: You're a drunk and an idiot.
- Buff: Your wife sucks my cock every night, swallows my cum, and loves it. That's okay.
- Nazeer Choudhury: Yeah, it's okay. You know, we have a saying back home: "either the salt is rotten or the meat".
- Buff: Yeah, well, uh, you're not so smart, chief, 'cause I'm moving out to L.A.
- Nazeer... (continue)(continue reading)
Ajay Naidu - Nazeer Choudhury
Steve Zahn - Buff

“- Paula: Remember Chicago? Fate? Kismet?
- Richard: No, I don't remember, Paula. You got me drunk.”
Carrie Fisher - Paula
Tom Hanks - Richard

“- Damian: My grandma takes her wig off when she's drunk.
- Ms. Norbury: Your grandmother and I have that in common.”
Daniel Franzese - Damian
Tina Fey - Ms. Norbury

- Nancy Chambers: I got one.
- Lou: Ah, shit.
- Nancy Chambers: This old drunk was telling jokes to his two drunk friends and he was keeping up his wife who unlike him had a job to go to in the morning. So, see, she gets so fucking fed up she comes downstairs and says, "If he doesn't shut up he's gonna have to find some other place to live... (continue)(continue reading)

Becky Ann Baker - Nancy Chambers
Brent Briscoe - Lou

“- Brody: Maybe they're right... I'm tired... I'm tired... Too damn tired...
- Ellen Brody: Too damn drunk. That's what you are, too damn drunk.”
Roy Scheider - Brody
Lorraine Gary - Ellen Brody

“My wife loves it when I have to take a cab home because I'm too intoxicated to drive.”
Aasif Mandvi - Aash

“Shame on you Dolly Talbo, sittin up in that tree like a drunken Indian, smoking on cigarettes like a common... Floozy.”
Nora Dunfee - Mrs. Peters

“- Anna Crowley: You are so much less attractive when I'm sober.
- Walter Fielding: Thank goodness it's not that often.”
Shelley Lee Long - Anna Crowley
Tom Hanks - Walter Fielding