Drunkenness quotes

“Is that myself looking as sober as the day I was born?”
Brendan Gleeson - Walter 'Monk' McGinn

“- Mrs. Tingle: You've been sober, how long is it now?
- Principal Potter: Four years.
- Mrs. Tingle: There! I knew it was this week. Me and dates, you know, that's the curse of being a history teacher. Well congratulations, that's quite an accomplishment. Just think, not one sip of alcohol in over four years, that's almost... unbelievable.”
Helen Mirren - Mrs. Tingle
Michael McKean - Principal Potter

“I used to bowl, when I was an alcoholic.”
Billy Bob Thornton - Russell Bell

“- Billy Madison: Man, why did I have so many drinks? I can't remember! What's today?
- Frank: October?
- Billy Madison: It's Nudie Magazine Day!!”
Adam Sandler - Billy Madison
Norm MacDonald - Frank

“- Collins: Doctor Bryant, I don't think you're listening to me.
- Dr. Frank Bryant: Mr Collins, I don't think you're saying anything to me.
- Collins: Doctor, are you drunk?
- Dr. Frank Bryant: Drunk? Of course I'm drunk. You don't really expect me to teach this when I'm sober.”
Kim Fortune - Collins
Sir Michael Caine - Dr. Frank Bryant

“One thing I could never stand was to see a filthy, dirty old drunkie, howling away at the filthy songs of his fathers and going blurp in between as it might be a filthy old orchestra in his stinking, rotten guts.”
Malcom McDowell - Alex (A Clockwork Orange)

“I was so drunk, I thought a tube of toothpaste was astronaut food.”
Will Ferrell - Allen Gamble

“- Tanya Kirbuk: I didn't know you brought liquor on board. It is forbidden.
- Dr. Heywood Floyd: You think I'd step foot on this tub sober?”
Helen Mirren - Tanya Kirbuk
Roy Scheider - Dr. Heywood Floyd

“We're alcoholics, we're generally satisfied to hurt ourselves.”
Stockard Channing - Sister Husband

“- Capt. Danny Walker: You're a rotten drunk... always have been.
- Capt. Rafe McCawley: Well, you're a lousy friend... that's a new development.”
Josh Hartnett - Capt. Danny Walker
Ben Affleck - Capt. Rafe McCawley

“- Julia Lund: Are you drunk?
- Paul Loomis: I prefer intoxicated.”
Laura Regan - Julia Lund
Marc Blucas - Paul Loomis

If anyone had a clue how wrong it felt to be sober, they wouldn't dream of asking you to stay that way. They would say "oh geez, I didn't know. It's okay for you. Do that mound of cocaine. Have a drink".
Steve Buscemi - Cornell

“It wasn't your fault, it was only the bottle you wanted.”
Daisy Earles - Frieda

“Let's go home. I'm drunk. You can take advantage of me.”

Andrea Howard - Sue

“This is a device enabling the drunken driver to operate in absolute safety. You fill this with piss, take this pipe down the trouser and sellotape this valve to the end of the old chap. Then you get horribly drunk and they can't fucking touch you. According to these instructions, you refuse everything but a urine sample. You undo your valve and...” (continue)(continue reading)
Richard R. Grant - Withnail

“You know, maybe if I had the luxury of getting my ass whooped, I could be calm right now. But I have been drinking tequila shots, my hormones are raging out of control, I'm emotional, I'm horny, and I don't wanna hear about no goddamn peas! Fuck you! Good night!”
Nia Long - Jordan Armstrong

- Troy: They serve a drink here called "The Stunned Mallet" and serve it in a coconut shell. You know, I once saw a woman drink one of these, get completely naked, and do 'the Pony'... right on this table.
- Annette: And your point is?
- Troy: My point is I want to buy you... two of them.
John Calvin - Troy
Annette Funicello - Annette

“With all due respect, sir, I just spent 18 hours locked in a jail cell, on no formal charges, getting pulverized by drunken bigots!”
C. Thomas Howell - Mark Watson

“- Barry: We've brought Kent on board to get an inside look on the future of America. Kent is the classic American youth: energetic and resourceful, spoiled, perverse, and disturbed. Would you say that's an accurate description, Kent?
- Kent: Yup, sure!
- Barry: Now what do you call that haircut?
- Kent: I don't know... Rock and roll!
- Barry:...” (continue)(continue reading)
Eric Bogosian - Barry
Michael Wincott - Kent

“- Dock Newton: You ain't any less of a drunk now than you was when hooch was legal.
- Jess Newton: Well, you see, there's my point. That particular law ain't really doin' it's job, now is it?”
Vincent D'Onofrio - Dock Newton
Ethan Hawke - Jess Newton

“Believe it or not: Roy was just about the coolest boy in San Bernadino. About 40,000 Heineken ago.”
Bernadette Peters - Lou Ann McGuinn

“- Yinsen: We met, you know, in a technical conference in Bern.
- Tony Stark: I don't remember.
- Yinsen: Of course not. If I had been that drunk, I wouldn't have been able to stand, let alone give a lecture on integrated circuits.”
Shaun Toub - Yinsen
Robert Downey Jr. - Tony Stark

“- Alice Miller: He landed fine last night. That much we know.
- Benjy Stone: So where is he?
- Sy Benson: Where else? Drinking and humping!”

Anne De Salvo - Alice Miller
Mark Linn-Baker - Benjy Stone
Bill Macy - Sy Benson

“- Florence: As I live and breathe and wear spats, the prince.
- Jim: You been doing experiments with scotch and soda again?”

Glenda Farrell - Florence
Frank McHugh - Jim

“- Stu: Why don't we remember a God damn thing from last night?
- Phil: Obviously because we had a great fucking time.”
Ed Helms - Stu
Bradley Cooper - Phil