Genitalia quotes

“Once, my grandpa's pajama flap accidentally came open, and I saw his wiener and got real sad.”
Ava Grace Cooper - Young Krista

“- Nancy Huff: Guys. Guys. Guys!
[both guys wake up and quote last line from their dreams]
- Brennan Huff: I'll kill you, Leonard Nimoy.
- Dale Doback: The clown has no penis.
- Nancy Huff: What kind of dreams are you guys having?”

Mary Steenburgen - Nancy Huff
Will Ferrell - Brennan Huff
John C. Reilly - Dale Doback

“Your best friend is your dick.”
Jackie Gleason - Max Basner

“You got a dick. You do have a dick, don't you? Okay, the dick lines up straight like that right? To the right of it and to the left of it are pockets, right? In those pockets are money. Look in either one of 'em, pay the bill.”

Denzel Washington - Alonzo

“- Jack Horner: Where are you going?
- Becky Barnett: I gotta go wash my vagina.
- Jack Horner: How long you gonna be?
- Becky Barnett: Five minutes. You want it clean, don't you?”

Burt Reynolds - Jack Horner
Nicole Ari Parker - Becky Barnett

“You know how it is, John, my dick's a basset hound. I'm just the poor son of a bitch holding its chain.”
Joe Anderson - Obadiah

“- Leigh Anne Tuohy: Michael, I want you to have a good time but if you get a girl pregnant out of wedlock, I will crawl into the car, drive up to Oxford and cut off your penis.
- S.J. Tuohy: She means it.”
Sandra Bullock - Leigh Anne Tuohy
Jae Head - S.J. Tuohy

“- Reece: Like steel pussies.
- Cribbs: What kind of women you been hanging around with?”

Fred Ward - Reece
T.K. Carter - Cribbs

“You know what they did in Ancient Rome, when a visitor violated somebody's hospitality? They would cut off his dick and they nailed it to the fucking gate!”

Paulina Porizkova - Casey

“- Ego: I created what I imagined biological life to be like... down to the most minute detail.
- Drax: Did you make a penis?”
Kurt Russell - Ego
Dave Bautista - Drax

“Of course I know what a uterus is; he's the guy who killed Ceasar.”
Alex Rocco - Sergeant Danny Bonhoff

“The organ itself seemed like a, a separate thing, um, a separate entity to me. I mean, when he finally pulled it out, and I could look at it and touch it, I completely forgot that there was a guy attached to it. I remember literally being startled when the guy spoke to me.”
Laura San Giacomo - Cynthia Patrice Bishop

“- Pembrook Feeney: He just made me mad, that's all, so I kicked him in the scrotum.
- Stroker Ace: Scrotum?
- Lugs Harvey: What's a scrotum?
- Stroker Ace: I dunno.
- Lugs Harvey: I think I'll find out.”

Loni Anderson - Pembrook Feeney
Burt Reynolds - Stroker Ace
Jim Nabors - Lugs

“Why do I gag on my tootbrush but not when I'm performing oral sex on my boyfriend? Well, obviously, the toothbrush is bigger.”

Jeff Dunham - Walter

“- April Mercedes: Can I ask you a personal question?
- Walt Tenor: Nine inches.”
Eva Mendes - April Mercedes
Greg Kinnear - Walt Tenor

“- Howard: Mrs. Lipkin said there'd be some suppositories in here!
- To-Bel: Why dontcha try heatin' up some nice corn-on-the-cob and shovin' that up y'ass?”
Wallace Shawn - Howard
Arnetia Walker - To-Bel

“- Red: I'm like the nerd at the sleepover who fell asleep at nine.
- Dale Denton: It's okay. We won't put our dicks in your mouth.”

Danny McBride - Red
Seth Rogen - Dale Denton

“Never trust a man. Even when he looks flat down there.”
Octavia Spencer - Zelda Fuller

- Mitch Buchannon: My gut says there's some bad shit going on over there, and my balls say we need to go over there and check it out.
- Matt Brody: Your balls said that?
- Mitch Buchannon: Yes, they did.
- Matt Brody: Okay, my balls say: "Just take it easy right here. Just chill".
- Mitch Buchannon: Why the fuck do your balls sound like... (continue)(continue reading)
The Rock - Mitch Buchannon
Zac Efron - Matt Brody

“- Frank: You don't have that problem, pal?
- Walter: Which problem?
- Frank: With your cucumber.
- Walter: I don't eat cucumbers, I always eat these bacon sandwiches.”
Richard Harris - Frank
Robert Duvall - Walter

“I like women with small hands, they make my dick look big.”
Thomas Jane - Mickey Mantle

“- Roz Fockyerdoder: It's a vaginal thermometer. It's been in our family for generations.
- Linda Jones: It lets you know when your ovulating.
- Roz Fockyerdoder: And if you wanna keep it a lucky one, don't ever wash it.”

Jennifer Coolidge - Roz Fockyerdoder
Meera Simhan - Linda Jones

“- Lorraine Broughton: You've got some balls breaking in here.
- David Percival: You should see my balls. Then you'd be really impressed!”
Charlize Theron - Lorraine Broughton
James McAvoy - David Percival

“Everybody's dick looks big on 60-inch TV, my sister's dick looks big on TV.”
Gerry Bednob - Mooj

“Teenage death girls want my dick not my words.”
Val Kilmer - Jim Morrison