Genitalia quotes

“I've had a man's hairy balls since I was 8. It's the source of my power. They tell me the weather, time of day, if there's a pile-up on Route 66.”
Nathan Bexton - T.J.

“You could be as vulgar as you want, as long as three tiny spots were covered.”
Bo Derek

“- Val: Are you a real doctor?
- Doctor: Are you a real patient? Is that a real penis?”
Al Pacino - Val
Brandon Scott - Doctor

“Legs are a little rubbery after all that time sitting here. Why don't you roll me inside? We'll get the nurse take the catheter out of me. I wanna see if my lizard's still spitting straight.”
Jim Carrey - Lloyd Christmas

“- Schmidt: Mr. Walters, I should apologize for...
- Mr. Walters: ...for shooting my penis off? Don't sweat it, brother. I'm liberated. Totally. You know they gave me a vagina. It's awesome. You guys wanna see it?”
Jonah Hill - Schmidt
Rob Riggle - Mr. Walters

- Harry Dunne: Lloyd? I think that was her "gran-gina."
- Mrs. Snergle: That's right. So you can cross that one off your bucket list.
Jeff Daniels - Harry Dunne
Jo Helton - Mrs. Snergle

“- Tom: Are you going to tell me what really happened with Peter?
- Sarah: Are you going to tell me what really happened with red bra?
- Tom: Nothing happened.
- Sarah: I hope you used a condom.
- Tom: I hope Peter used a condom.
- Sarah: I'm sorry, they don't make condoms that big.”
Ashton Kutcher - Tom
Brittany Murphy - Sarah

“After all, without sex, none of us would be born. And we are all born out of a woman's cunt. It is the center of the world. And the more we can do to glorify that holy spot, the more we're doing for mankind.”
Molly Parker - Florence

I was asked to say a couple of words about Harvey. How about "ugly" and "cheap"? Harvey wrote his will on his cock, and his lawyer said it would not stand up in court.

Slappy White - himself

“- Polly Franklin: Boys, Nat! Did you know that they have straight ones and bent ones? And if you look at their hands you can tell how big it is? I mean, can you imagine owning this thing with a will of its own? Don't you think about it all the time?
- Natalie Becker: Actually Polly, no.
- Polly Franklin: They do weird things. You have a thought,...” (continue)(continue reading)
Maddie Corman - Polly Franklin
Jennifer Lynn Connelly - Natalie Becker

- Brian: God bless you.
- Larry Gigli: Thank you.
- Brian: No, not you, stupid. When my penis sneezes, I say "God bless you, penis".
Justin Bartha - Brian
Ben Affleck - Larry Gigli

“Well, at least let me defend Hector. I only slept with him once, but I know his penis is bigger than a roll of quarters.”
Keri Lynn Pratt - Leaf Weidmann

“My dad's a gynecologist. He looks at vaginas all day long.”
Miko Hughes - Joseph

“- Christian Middleton: You gonna spend the rest of your life with balls the size of BBs?
- Ted Eckles: What the hell.
- Christian Middleton: They're so big I can hear them clanging.”
Corey Johnson - Christian Middleton
Bill Armstrong - Ted Eckles

“- Cristina: Actually, Joey, I do like photographs. I take photographs... usually of nature.
- Joey: Penises are nature, I suppose.
- Cristina: Yes, I suppose they are.”
Agata Buzek - Cristina
Jason Statham - Joey

“- Stan Marsh: Chef, how do you make a woman like you more than any other guy?
- Chef: Oh, that's easy. You just gotta find the clitoris.”
Trey Parker - Stan Marsh
Isaac Hayes - Chef

“- Nick: Look at it! We don't even know what the hell that is. It can be just a light or a bomb or...
- Danika: Or a sexual object; when you look right down to it, it looks like a...”

James Spader - Nick Vanzant
Robin Tunney - Danika Lund

“If I can't get it up, that makes me less of a man, and I can't have that. In my world I deal with animals. They may seem dumb to an educated guy like you, but make no mistake. Animals are very cunning, and they sense weakness.”

Robert De Niro - Paul Vitti

“I have a nickname for my penis. It's called the Octagon, but I also nick named my testes: my left one is James Westfall and my right one is Doctor Kenneth Noisewater. You ladies play your cards right you just might get to meet the whole gang.”
Paul Rudd - Brian Fantana

“Now, that hurt the both of us.”

Robert Smigel - Beefy

“Shouldn't you be worried about your life, instead of that useless micropenis of yours?”
Chiaki Kuriyama - Takako Chigusa

“- Brodie: The Thing! Is his dork made out of orange rock like the rest of his body?
- Stan Lee: I don't know. It's a superhero secret.”
Jason Lee - Brodie
Stan Lee - Stan Lee

“I am a gay lesbian woman! I do not mythologize the male sexual organ!”

Kathy Bates - Libby Holden

- Baker: Joseph P. Brenner. What's the "P" stand for?
- Joseph P. Brenner: Pussy.

Ed Lauter - Baker
Arnold Schwarzenegger - Joseph P. Brenner

“Cop couldn't find his dick with two hands and a map.”
Ed Harris - Dave Moss