Genitalia quotes

“- KG: Sex is a crucial component to the Kyle Gass Project. Now drop and give me one cock push-up.
- JB: What's a cock push-up?
- KG: What's a cock push-up? A cock push-up my friend, is when you lay on your stomach, and lift yourself of the ground with nothing but your boner.”
Kyle Gass - KG
Jack Black - JB

“How can I stop talking about something that's so huge?”

Jennifer Beals - Angela (segments "The Wrong Man", "The Man from Hollywood")

“- Elias: You know how every girl's parents put a pussy troll in them when the girls are young, to keep them from having premarital sex?
- Randal: ...Sure.
- Elias: Well Myra's is named Pillow Pants. And so even though she totally wants to have sex with me, Myra says if I put my... thing in her, Pillow Pants will bite it off. So, I gotta wait...” (continue)(continue reading)
Trevor Fehrman - Elias
Jeff Anderson - Randal

“It was just what I needed: a one inch god with a two inch penis.”
Sir Michael Caine - Matthew Hollis

“Lois, I'm hurting. I am burning. I have this erection. It is so big it's like one of those Thanksgiving Day balloons. If I don't do something about it soon - bang! - I'll be left without a dick for the rest of my life! I'm only seventeen!”
Sean Astin - Duncan McDermott

“- Capt. Blye: I admire your spirit, Captain Jack. I can say this for you, you got balls, like me.
- Captain Jack: But I don't play with mine all the time.”
Herbie Braha - Capt. Blye
Paul E. Richards - Captain Jack

“- Sinead Mulligan: Now it can be revealed. I have very small breasts.
- Gerry Boyle: That's okay, I have a very small penis.”
Sarah Greene - Sinead Mulligan
Brendan Gleeson - Gerry Boyle

“It's soggy as a wet armpit in here. How long where you in that shower abusing yourself? You pump your handle too much, young man. If you keep this up, one day it's just going to wither up and fall off!”
Beverly D'Angelo - Dark's Mom

“You want to come over to my place? Okay. I'll be here with balls on.”

Tommy Chong - Chong

“- Leonidas: Adjust your sword boy, it's digging into my back.
- Sonio: But I'm not wearing my sword.”
Sean Maguire - Leonidas
Travis Van Winkle - Sonio

“- DC Cop: The Feds are looking for him, too. Real nice business he's got?
- Agent Fox Mulder: What's that?
- DC Cop: Selling naked pictures of little kids on his computer. You looking for him for some other reason?
- Agent Fox Mulder: Yeah. I had an appointment for a pelvic examination.”

Larry Joshua - DC Cop
David Duchovny - Agent Fox Mulder

“I am gonna lop his... dick off... like a chicken head.”
Parker Posey - Brandi

“Today I threatened to shoot a naked woman with my erection.”
Gene Wilder - Dave

“It's 2 o'clock. Do you know where your testicles are?”
Michael Colyar - Showboat

“- Randal: Emma, are you like this 'cause you have an unnaturally large clit?
- Emma: You just had to tell him, didn't ya?
- Dante: It kinda came out one day!
- Randal: He says it's so big it's almost like a little cock, which says all kinds of weird things about him that I don't even wanna think about.”
Jeff Anderson - Randal
Jennifer Schwalbach Smith - Emma
Brian O'Halloran - Dante

“Stay the fuck away from the girl, or else I'll beat you with my nut sack!”
Phil Schmeidel - Billy

“See, according to leading psychiatrists, Stan is a bully for one of three reasons… one... underneath all that male bravado, there's an insecure little girl banging on the closet door trying to get out. Two... like a caveman, Stan's brain is underdeveloped. Therefore, Stan is unable to use self-control. And so he acts out aggressively. Three......” (continue)(continue reading)
Zac Efron - Mike O'Donnell

“I'm telling you. If you don't have sex soon, you dick is going to shrivel up and go inside your body. Then what do you have? A vagina.”
Stephen Baldwin - Stuart

“A small dick's like a disability, man! Would you make fun of a guy in a wheelchair?!”
Lochlyn Munro - Greg Phillippe

“- Melissa Morrison: Why do men lie?
- Rick Dunne: Uh, that's a hard one. Give me something frivolous to get into it.
- Melissa Morrison: OK. Why do men touch their dick so much?
- Rick Dunne: Because it's there.”
Saffron Burrows - Melissa Morrison
Aden Young - Rick Dunne

“I don't want a turbo penis. I like your medium soft one.”
Leslie Mann - Debbie

“I think it's kinda sexy that John Malkovich has a portal, y'know, sort of like, it's like, like he has a vagina. It's sort of vaginal, y'know, like he has a, he has a penis and a vagina. I mean, it's sort of like... Malkovich's... feminine side. I like that.”
Cameron Diaz - Lotte Schwartz

“- Sarah Marshall: When were you planning on telling me this?
- Aldous Snow: I just told you, then.
- Sarah Marshall: Yeah. No, I know. But telling me now isn't really the same as telling me.
- Aldous Snow: Well, look, you know, I've not told you I've got genital herpes, because it's not inflamed at the moment.”
Kristen Bell - Sarah Marshall
Russell Brand - Aldous Snow

“- Finch: I am not touching that!
- Jim Levenstein: Put that thing away, Stifler.
- Stifler: What's wrong with you guys? We almost had them. Why can't you guys be team players, huh? I was the one doing all the sacrificing.”

Eddie Kaye Thomas - Finch
Jason Biggs - Jim Levenstein
Seann William Scott - Stifler

“- Eduardo: Barbarosa is dead. He is dead. I killed him with my knife.
- Don Braulio: You bring me no proof. Where are his cojones?”
Danny De La Paz - Eduardo
Gilbert Roland - Don Braulio