Genitalia quotes

“Right now, I'm trying to figure out which one of you looks the most like my dick. If you got something to say, say it. Otherwise get the fuck outta here.”

Damon Wayans - Jimmy Dix

“We interrupt this program to give you an important news bulletin: A suspect in the Happy Times All-Girls Glee Club slaying has fled the scene and managed to elude the police. He is armed and dangerous, and has been spotted in the West Side area, armed with a meat cleaver in one hand and his genitals in the other.”

“- Wanda Gershwitz: I thought you weren't jealous?
- Otto: I'm not. I don't believe in jealousy, it's for the weak. One thing though. Touch his dick and he's dead!”
Jamie Lee Curtis - Wanda Gershwitz
Kevin Kline - Otto

“- Police Inspector: You idiot... that's a man!
- Labisse: That's not possible.
- Police Inspector: Oh yeah? Well when I walked in, the person in that room was naked from the waist down, and if that was a woman, then she was wearing the greatest disguise that I have ever seen.”

Geoffrey Beevers - Police Inspector
Peter Arne - Labisse

“- Billy Hargrove: I'd give my dick for a truck like this.
- Robby Gillon: What would be the use in having it then?”
Jim Caviezel - Billy Hargrove
Thomas Wilson Brown - Robby Gillon

“I'm a Christian man or whatever religion dominates the region I'm selling in, but you have to admit it did sound like she was talking about the big va-jay-jay, right?”
Jeremy Piven - Don Ready

“Everything in the human culture takes place below the waist!”
Tim Roth - Thade

“Penis is the name. Doctor Thesius Lyndon Penis. I accept all major credit cards.”
Michael Richards - Lacrobat

“It's the truth that you should never trust anybody who wears a bow tie. Cravat's supposed to point down to accentuate the genitals. Why'd you wanna trust somebody whose tie points out to accentuate his ears?”
John Michael Higgins - Doc Wilson

“- Max California: Can I interest you in a battery-operated vagina?
- Tom Welles: No, thank you.
- Max California: Are you sure? I'd hate for you to be in one of those everyday situations that calls for a battery-operated vagina and not have one.”
Joaquin Phoenix - Max California
Nicolas Cage - Tom Welles

“Yeah? So where's the rest of it? I'll see you in small claims court.”

Lynn-Holly Johnson - Laurie Jameson

“- Lenny Weinrib: He's dicking around in agriculture.
- Linda Ash: What's wrong with his dick?”
Woody Allen - Lenny
Mira Sorvino - Linda Ash

“- Judy: ...Then she had her utopian tubes removed.
- Gardner Barnes: No, that's fallopian darlin'.
- Judy: Fallopian? Them's books of the bible silly... first and second fallopians!”
Elizabeth Daily - Judy
Kevin Costner - Gardner Barnes

- Little Bill Daggett: First off, Corky never carried two guns. Though he should have.
- W.W. Beauchamp: No, no, he was, he was called "Two-Gun Corcoran".
- Little Bill Daggett: Yeah well, a lot of folks did call him "Two-Gun" but that wasn't because he was sporting two pistols. That was because he had a dick that was so big it was longer than... (continue)(continue reading)

Gene Hackman - Little Bill Daggett
Saul Rubinek - W.W. Beauchamp

“I used to play a little ball. I was small, but I made up for it by being slow.”
James Earl Jones - Earl Pilcher Jr.

“- Dr. Seward: Count Dracula, allow me to introduce Professor Abraham Van Helsing of London University. He's a doctor of rare diseases as well as theology and philosophy.
- Professor Van Helsing: And gynaecology.
- Dr. Seward: Oh, I didn't know you had your hand in that, too.”
Harvey Korman - Dr. Seward
Mel Brooks - Abraham Van Helsing

“- Jensen: Ohhhh... shit. She's got a gun and... it's pointed at my dick. Clay, it's pointed at my dick!
- Pooch: Would you rather it was pointed at your face?
- Jensen: I know it makes no sense, but yes!”

Chris Evans - Jensen
Columbus Short - Pooch

“- Jody: Hey! We don't lick our balls in this house!
- Dan: Sorry, won't happen again.”
Ashley Tisdale - Jody
Simon Rex - Dan

“- Stefan Vanderhoof: They had the same prance, the same rhythm, it was like they were two members of the same body.
- Scott Donlan: I knew a guy who had two members on the same body, dated him for about a half hour, got so exhausted. I'm sorry, go on, you were telling a story?”

Michael McKean - Stefan Vanderhoof
John Michael Higgins - Scott Donlan

“Mount Everest just moved into my pants.”
Al Pacino - Val

“- Marvin Shabazz: I'll shove my dick so far up your ass, I'll impale your tonsils.
- Sol: That's a lovely picture.
- Marvin Shabazz: Shut up!
- Sol: Okay.”
Michael Jace - Marvin Shabazz
Jon Lovitz - Sol

“- Fred Haise: It hurts when I urinate.
- Jim Lovell: Well, you're not getting enough water.
- Fred Haise: No, I'm drinkin' my rations, same as you... I think old Swigert gave me the clap. Been pissin' in my relief tube.
- Jim Lovell: Well, that'd be a hot one at the debriefing for the flight surgeons... Another first for America's spacemen.”
Bill Paxton - Fred Haise
Tom Hanks - Jim Lovell

“Unfortunately, you don't have the balls to back up the actions of your huge cock.”

Jennifer Beals - Angela (segments "The Wrong Man", "The Man from Hollywood")

“- Stan Marsh: Hey, guys. Do you know where I can find the clitoris?
- Kyle Broflovski: The what?
- Eric Cartman: What, is that like finding Jesus or something?”
Trey Parker - Stan Marsh
Matt Stone - Kyle Broflovski
Trey Parker - Eric Cartman

“- Mr. Herbert Garrison: How would you like to go see the school counselor?
- Eric Cartman: How would you like to suck my balls?
- Mr. Herbert Garrison: What did you say?
- Eric Cartman: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Actually, what I said was... how would you like to suck my balls, Mr. Garrison?”

Trey Parker - Mr. Herbert Garrison
Trey Parker - Eric Cartman