Misunderstanding quotes

“- William Schwenck Gilbert: No, sir. I can assure you, papa, that the very last person with whom I wish to have any communication at all is your estranged wife, the vicious woman who bore me into this ridiculous world.
- Gilbert's Father: How dare you, sir? Have you no respect?
- William Schwenck Gilbert: Don't misunderstand me, father. Nobody...” (continue)(continue reading)
Jim Broadbent - William Schwenck Gilbert
Charles Simon - Gilbert's Father

“- Melissa: I just feel really close to you.
- Tripp: You are really close to me.”
Katheryn Winnick - Melissa
Matthew McConaughey - Tripp

“- Gramps: If you're gonna be hanging around the house, I need to know two things.
- Nurse: What are those?
- Gramps: Can you make huevos rancheros?
- Nurse: Oh, I can manage that.
- Gramps: Good. Now, what's your story on menopause, huh?
- Nurse: I always pause for men, Harry.”

Ray Walston - Gramps

“- Grover Mockridge: Go answer the door. It might be Warner.
- Wilbur Hoolihan: It won't do no good. We're all signed up with Universal.”
Bud Abbott - Grover Mockridge
Lou Costello - Wilbur Hoolihan

“- Turk: [after Harry and Jessica and Harry finish talking] Hey Harry, did Jessica give you that banana in your pocket?
- Harry Dunne: No, my mom did!
- Turk: Gross!”
Elden Henson - Turk
Derek Richardson - Harry Dunne

“- Vanessa Kensington: Did you use protection?
- Austin Powers: Of course. I had my 9mm automatic.
- Vanessa Kensington: You know I meant 'did you use a condom'?”
Liz Hurley - Vanessa Kensington
Mike Myers - Austin Powers

- Hercules: So how'd you get stuck with the...
- Meg: Pinhead with hooves? Well, you know how men are. They think "No" means "Yes" and "Get lost" means "Take me, I'm yours".
Tate Donovan - Hercules
Susan Egan - Meg

“- Ray Wilkins: I ain't gay!
- Bobby Prinze: What are you talking about? You took me to that club.
- Ray Wilkins: So? They play good music.
- Bobby Prinze: What about our trip to San Francisco?
- Ray Wilkins: I wanted to go shopping.
- Bobby Prinze: [on the verge of tears] But... you made love to me.
- Ray Wilkins: First of all, you sucked...” (continue)(continue reading)
Shawn Wayans - Ray Wilkins
Jon Abrahams - Bobby Prinze

“- Paul Denton: Oh, Jesus, Richard is that you?
- Richard: It's Dick. And yes.”
Ian Somerhalder - Paul Denton
Russell Sams - Richard

“- Stockbroker #1: I think Alan Swann is beneath us!
- Stockbroker #2: Of course he's beneath us. He's an actor!
- Stockbroker #1: No! I think Alan Swann is beneath us right now!”

Robert G. Denison - Stockbroker #1
John Christy Ewing - Stockbroker #2

“- Ted: I think I still want to look her up.
- Healy: Who, Rollerpig? Are you nuts?
- Ted: You said she was a real sparkplug.
- Healy: No, I said buttplug. She's heinous.”
Ben Stiller - Ted
Matt Dillon - Healy

“- Fisherman: Come back here!
- Sylvie: Pitiful. He's gonna have a heart attack someday.
- Ruth: It must be his boat.
- Sylvie: Either that or he's some kind of lunatic. I'm certainly not going back to find out.”

Michael Davidoff - Fisherman
Christine Lahti - Sylvie
Sara Walker - Ruth

“- Calvin: There's a man who throws the ball to a man who has a bat.
- Adam Age 11: Oh! The nocturnal flying mammal?”

Christopher Walken - Calvin
Douglas Smith - Adam age 11

“- George Noon: I may look tough and mean-spirited but I'm really a sensitive artist.
- Tomomi: That's very interesting.
- George Noon: I paint, and I sculpt with my hands.
- Tomomi: That's very interesting too.
- George Noon: You have no idea what I'm saying, do you?
- Tomomi: That's very interesting.”
Dian Bachar - George Noon
Tomomi - Tomomi

“I'm way out of your league. If your league were to explode, I wouldn't hear the sound for another three days. So for everybody's sake, let's just enjoy a companionable silence.”
Sonya Walger - Nicole Noone

“- Franklin Hatchett: You're phat.
- Grace Cipriani: Excuse me?
- Franklin Hatchett: You're phat. P-H-A-T. Pretty Hot And Tempting.”
Chris Tucker - Franklin Hatchett
Heather Locklear - Grace Cipriani

“- Barry: This is the Joseph H. Nelson Memorial Library, here. Okay? It was built in the 1600s.
- Student in the Tour: 1600s? It says it was built in 1951.
- Barry: That's the address. Okay? Wise-ass.”
Tom Greening - Barry

“Dude, it's a llama!”

Ashton Kutcher - Jesse Montgomery III

“- Princess Vespa: Who are you?
- Barf: Barf!
- Dot Matrix: Not in here, mister! This is a Mercedes!”
Daphne Zuniga - Princess Vespa
John Candy - Barf
Lorene Yarnell Jansson - Dot Matrix

“- Gail Richards: Good night.
- Lillian - the Housekeeper: I hope you rest in peace.
- Gail Richards: Thank you. [turns to Ann] Isn't that what they write on tombstones?”
Joan Blondell - Gail Richards
Rafaela Ottiano - Lillian - the Housekeeper

“- Richie: I guess I'll take a rain check on that lesson.
- Eve: Ok... I'll wear my razzle dazzle raincoat!”
Garwin Sanford - Richie
Tyra Banks - Eve

“- Capt. West: Commander Galloway, why don't you get yourself a cup of coffee.
- Lt. Cdr. JoAnne Galloway: Thank you, sir, I'm fine.
- Capt. West: [iritated because she didn't understand his intention] Commander, I'd like you to leave the room so we can talk about you behind your back.
- Lt. Cdr. JoAnne Galloway: Certainly, sir.”
John M. Jackson - Capt. West
Demi Moore - Lt. Cdr. JoAnne Galloway

“- Old Cajun Man: [In a muffled back water accent] Home is where you make it.
- Joe Dirt: What?
- Old Cajun Man: Home is where you make it.
- Joe Dirt: You like to see homos naked?”
Blake Clark - Old Cajun Man
David Spade - Joe Dirt

“Germs make you sick. That is why we give medicine to help kill you.”

Rita Wilson - Beth Wexler

“- Tugg Speedman - Hot LZ: I killed one, Rick... the thing I love most in the world.
- Rick Peck - Peck's Office: A hooker. Oh Jesus, you killed a hooker!”

Ben Stiller - Tugg Speedman - Hot LZ
Matthew McConaughey - Rick Peck - Peck's Office