Jim Carrey movie quotes

“- Harry Dunne: How many days are in April?
- Lloyd Christmas: 30 days have September, all the rest I can't remember!
- Harry Dunne: Must be 31 because nothing rhymes with August...
- Lloyd Christmas: Nah I think it's 32 Harry. April's a leap month.”
Jeff Daniels - Harry Dunne
Jim Carrey - Lloyd Christmas

“- Lloyd Christmas: Cheers!
- Fraida: Whoa! Wait. Where'd you get that?
- Lloyd Christmas: The Slurpee machine in the back.
- Fraida: That's embalming fluid.
- Lloyd Christmas: Oh. Does it have aspartame?
- Fraida: No.
- Lloyd Christmas: Cool.”
Jim Carrey - Lloyd Christmas
Kathleen Turner - Fraida

“I could die right now, I'm just happy. I've never felt that before. I'm just exactly where I want to be.”
Jim Carrey - Joel Barish

“- Miranda: Ummm that was incredible. Was it good for you?
- Fletcher Reede: I've had better.”

Amanda Donohoe - Miranda
Jim Carrey - Fletcher Reede

“- Adele Stanton: So are you really a communist?
- Peter Appleton: No, I'm really not.
- Adele Stanton: I didn't think so. Only a dyed-in-the-wool capitalist could have gotten The Majestic up and running.”
Laurie Holden - Adele Stanton
Jim Carrey - Peter Appleton

“I can't remember anything without you.”

Jim Carrey - Joel Barish

“- Joel Barish: I do sorta live with someone though.
- Clementine Kruczynski: Male or female?
- Joel Barish: Female... female...
- Clementine: At least I'm not barking up the wrong tree!”

Jim Carrey - Joel Barish
Kate Winslet - Clementine Kruczynski

“So... animals can sense evil!”
Jim Carrey - Ace Ventura

“- Steven M. Kovacs: Just get out. I don't ever want to see you again. Robin is never going to forgive me!
- The Cable Guy: Well, I'll tell you how you handle that: don't tell her.”

Matthew Broderick - Steven M. Kovacs
Jim Carrey - The Cable Guy

“- Meryl Burbank: We have mortgage payments, Truman. We have car payments. What, we're going to just walk away from our financial obligations?
- Truman Burbank: It would be an adventure!
- Meryl Burbank: I thought we were gonna try for a baby. Isn't that enough of an adventure?”
Laura Linney - Meryl Burbank
Jim Carrey - Truman Burbank

“- Clementine Kruczynski: You're not a stalker, or anything, right?
- Joel Barish: I'm not a stalker. You're the one that talked to me, remember?
- Clementine Kruczynski: That is the oldest trick in the stalker book.”
Kate Winslet - Clementine Kruczynski
Jim Carrey - Joel Barish

“- Robin Pierce: Mark, we've been through this sex thing a million times.
- Mark Kendall: Half way through it a million times. It's what people do when they're in love! It's natural. It's right.
- Robin Pierce: Well it's not natural or right for me to do it in a car.
- Mark Kendall: What about an ice cream truck?”
Karen Kopins - Robin Pierce
Jim Carrey - Mark Kendall

“- Carl: You did things and had friends and sang in rock bands and made life happen. You weren't scared of anything.
- Allison: You don't think I'm scared of anything? Who do you think I am? I'm scared of a lot of things.
- Carl: And I'm scared too. So let's be scared together.
- Allison: I don't know what you want me to say.
- Carl: So just say...” (continue)(continue reading)
Jim Carrey - Carl
Zooey Deschanel - Allison

“I will raise these orphans as if they were actually wanted!”
Jim Carrey - Count Olaf

“Blast this Christmas music. It's joyful and triumphant.”
Jim Carrey - Grinch

“- Fletcher Reede: Hey, creepy. Happy Birthday. How old are you now? 22? 23?
- Max Reede: I'm 5, Dad.
- Fletcher Reede: Okay. [pretends to write] Return the beer keg. Cancel the dancing girls.”
Jim Carrey - Fletcher Reede
Justin Cooper - Max Reede

“I got you the big screen TV, deluxe karaoke machine, and THX quality sound that would make George Lucas cream in his pants!”
Jim Carrey - The Cable Guy

“There's no such thing as destiny. There are only different choices. Some choices are easy, some aren't. Those are the really important ones, the ones that define us as people.”
Jim Carrey - Walter Sparrow

“She's spontaneous. She's ballsy. She has no clue what she's doing and she doesn't care. She's the complete opposite of me.”

Jim Carrey - Carl

“- Harry Dunne: Yeah, I lost my job too.
- Lloyd Christmas: Man, You are one pathetic loser. No offense.
- Harry Dunne: No, none taken.”
Jeff Daniels - Harry Dunne
Jim Carrey - Lloyd Christmas

Dryland is not a myth. I've seen it. Kevin Costner. "Waterworld". I don't know what the big fuss is about. I saw that movie nine times. It rules!
Jim Carrey - The Cable Guy

“I'm not leaving till the morning, but you know the rules when I go: no bitches after eleven.”
Jim Carrey - Charlie

“A week ago, the only thing I thought was out of the ordinary was that it was my birthday.”
Jim Carrey - Walter Sparrow

“- Grace Connelly: You know that everything happens for a reason.
- Bruce Nolan: That is a cliché. That is not helpful to me.”
Jennifer Aniston - Grace Connelly
Jim Carrey - Bruce Nolan

“Today is a holiday invented by greeting card companies to make people feel like crap.”

Jim Carrey - Joel Barish