Drunkenness quotes

“Bring us a pitcher of beer every seven minutes until somebody passes out. And then bring one every ten minutes.”
Rodney Dangerfield - Thornton Melon

“The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.”
Humphrey Bogart

“Every drink of liquor you take kills a thousand brain cells. Now that doesn't much matter 'cause we got billions more. And first the sadness cells die so you smile real big. And then the quiet cells go so you just say everything real loud for no reason at all. That’s ok, that's ok because the stupid cells go next, so everything you say is real...” (continue)(continue reading)
Matt Damon - Rannulph Junuh

“You'd even drink gasoline if it was in a bottle! You stink like an alcoholic! Positively disgusting!”

Joni Ruth White - La Rue

“- Mr. Briggs: Hey, uhh... I might be late to pick you guys up.
- Janey Briggs: Why, do you have a job interview today, Daddy?
- Mr. Briggs: No honey, I'll probably just be way too drunk.”
Randy Quaid - Mr. Briggs
Randy Quaid - Janey Briggs

“I can't feel my legs, I have no legs!”

Charlie Korsmo - William Lichter

“Think of them as fleas on a dog hit by a car driven by a drunken teenager whose girlfriend just gave him the clap. It will help you sense of perspective.”
Sir John Hurt - Lawrence Fassett

“I must have some booze. I demand to have some booze!”
Richard R. Grant - Withnail

“- Caroline: Who's he?
- Jake: That's me.
- Caroline: Who are you?
- Jake: I'm him.
- Caroline: Oh, okay.”

Haviland Morris - Caroline
Michael Schoeffling - Jake

“Do not drink too much. Do you hear me? I don't want you passing out or going to the dark side. No going to the dark side!”

Thomas Haden Church - Jack

“A Chief Petty Officer shall not drink. However, if he should drink he shall not get drunk. If he should get drunk, he shall not stagger. And if he should stagger, he shall not fall. And if he should fall, he will fall in such a manner as to cover up his rank so that passerby will think he is an officer.”
Robert De Niro - Master Chief Billy Sunday

“I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up.”
Dean Martin On Pat Boone

“- Tyler Fitzgerald: Anybody can fly plane, now here: I'll check you out. Put your little hands on the wheel there. Now put your feet on the rudder. There. Who says this ol' boy can't fly this ol' plane? Now I'm gonna make us some old fashioneds the old-fashioned way, the way dear old Dad used to!
- Benjy Benjamin: What if something happens?
-...” (continue)(continue reading)
Jim Backus - Tyler Fitzgerald
Buddy Hackett - Benjy Benjamin

“I hope no one minds but I have no intention of facing this sober.”
Ronald Francis Perlman - Zeno

“If there's a heaven, and, God, I hope there is, I know he's sitting up there drunk as a fucking monkey and smoking shit, 'cause he done left his pains down here.”
Francesco Quinn - Rhah

“It's too damn hot for a penguin to be just walkin' around here. I gotta send him back to the South Pole.”

Adam Sandler - Billy Madison

“Jesus, look at that. Apart from a raw potato, that's the only solid to have passed my lips in the last 60 hours. I must be ill.”

Richard R. Grant - Withnail

“Angelica-Wait! I am with child... yours.
Jack Sparrow-I don't recall that we ever had...
Angelica-You were drunk.
Jack Sparrow-I've actually never been that drunk.”
Johnny Depp - Jack Sparrow
Penelope Cruz - Angelica

“Cough syrup? That's a dumb way to get loaded.”
Owen Wilson - Francis

“In pubs sometimes people say things and sometimes it’s the whisky talking. It’s hard to tell which is which.”
Cillian Murphy - Thomas Shelby

“A drunken man walks in a way that is quite impossible for a sober man to imitate, and vice versa. An evil man has a way, no matter how clever — to the trained eye, his way will show itself.”
Catherine E. Coulson - Log Lady

“Trying to get drunk enough to have sexual intercourse with a vegan. Why can’t I just think with my junk like a modern man?”
Joe Lo Truglio - Charles Boyle

“It’s suddenly very important that I get drunk.”
Kristen Bell - Eleanor Shellstrop

“Oh, I haven't been this drunk, you know, since Queen Victoria's coronation. I woke up on the banks of the Thames.”
Miranda Otto - Zelda Spellman

“Pink wine makes me slutty.”
Zooey Deschanel - Jess Day